Confessions of an Acquitted Felon

Alachua County Voters' Nonpartisan Field Guide

2008-10-15T11:00:00.022-05:00

We're down to the wire until the big day: November 4th. Unfortunately, a lot of folks don't realize that we'll vote on a lot more than just the Presidential candidate. I just took a look at the sample ballot for my precinct, and I think the average college-aged citizen in Gainesville has no idea what everything else means. I know I don't, and it's my goal to get educated between now and the election so that I can make an informed decision.

So let's go through a sample ballot for Alachua County, and I'll provide links along the way for your information.

First of all, here's where you can find your precinct, and here's where you can view sample ballots.

PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT

This one is getting all the attention (obviously). Take a look at the full list - I'll provide links to the candidates' web sites:

John McCain
Sarah Palin
REP

Barack Obama
Joe Biden
DEM

Gloria La Riva
Eugene Puryear
PSL (Party for Socialism and Liberation)

Chuck Baldwin
Darrell Castle
CPF (Constitution Party)

Gene Amondson
Leroy Pletten
PRO (Prohibition Party)

Bob Barr
Wayne A. Root
LBT (Libertarian Party)

Thomas Robert Stevens
Alden Link
OBJ (Objectivist Party)

James Harris
Alyson Kennedy
SWP (Socialist Workers Party)

Cynthia McKinney
Rosa Clemente
GRE (Green Party)

Alan Keyes
Brian Rohrbough
AIP (America's Independent Party)

Ralph Nader
Matt Gonzalez
ECO (Peace and Freedom Party)

Brian Moore
Stewart Alexander
SPF (Socialist Party)

Charles Jay
John Wayne Smith
BTP (Boston Tea Party)

REPRESENTATIVE IN CONGRESS - DISTRICT 6
(Your district may be different)

Clifford B. (Cliff) Stearns (REP, Incumbent)
Tim Cunha (DEM)

Next are the County Commissioners. You can read the profiles of the incumbents at the Alachua County site. I'll also provide the links for everyone.

COUNTY COMMISSIONER - DISTRICT 1

Kevin Riordan (REP)
Mike Byerly (DEM, Incumbent)

COUNTY COMMISSIONER - DISTRICT 3

Lloyd W. Bailey, Jr. (REP)
Paula M. DeLaney (DEM, Incumbent)

COUNTY COMMISSIONER - DISTRICT 5

Ward Scott (REP)
Rodney Long (DEM)

NONPARTISAN

These are the judges. A lot of these are just questions of retention, and unless you know of someone doing something illegal, or do extensive research on their rulings, you're probably going to just vote yes. However, for your information:

JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT
Shall Justice Charles T. Wells of the Florida Supreme Court be retained in office?

DISTRICT COURT OF APPEAL
Shall Judge Robert T. Benton of the First District Court of Appeal be retained in office?

Shall Judge Marguerite H. Davis of the First District Court of Appeal be retained in office?

Shall Judge Joseph Lewis Jr. of the First District Court of Appeal be retained in office?

Shall Judge Ricky L. Polston of the First District Court of Appeal be retained in office? (This one's a little confusing to me, because apparently he's been named to the Florida Supreme Court.)

Shall Judge Clay Roberts of the First District Court of Appeal be retained in office?

Shall Judge William A. Van Nortwick Jr. of the First District Court of Appeal be retained in office?

COUNTY JUDGE - GROUP 2
Denise Ferrero
Lorraine H. Sherman

ALACHUA COUNTY SOIL AND WATER CONSERVATION DISTRICT - Group 2
David T. Gildart
Todd P. Martin (incumbent; can't find a link for him)

ALACHUA COUNTY SOIL AND WATER CONSERVATION DISTRICT - Group 4
Rob Brinkman
Mary Ann Gosa (Incumbent)
(Sorry -- can't find links for either of them).

PROPOSED CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS

These are proposed amendments to the Florida Constitution. Here's a good summary for these amendments. It does a good job, so I'm not going to try to recreate it.

COUNTY REFERENDA

Here's another great summary, this time of the Alachua County Referenda.

MUNICIPAL

FOR or AGAINST annexation of property described in Ordinance Number 080137 of the City of Gainesville.

I'm trying to understand what this means (it relates to some property near SW 20th Ave, which is quite relevant to me). This is the legislative file and these are the meeting minutes when it was adopted by the City Commission.

Update: Apparently I don't live within Gainesville city limits. Great. Here is more information about the pro side. Is there even a con side to this?

And there you have it. Good luck on Election Day, and please feel free to post with any additional information.

Cheers,
Sam

An Outlet

2008-08-05T20:09:00.003-05:00

Well, here I sit. It's August 5th. Melissa is in Mexico on a missions trip, which means I'm alone for a week for the first time in the year we've been married.

I find myself feeling a little reflective. My refuge thus far in my week has been everything I felt a connection with before getting married: Emily Dickinson, Joanna Newsom, Elliott Smith, and a hundred other poems, songs, and artists. But there's this huge gap between where my brain connects with my heart. I can't seem to get back to that place I was back when I was single.

I guess I really am a different person.

I've drifted more and more down to earth in what art (in any form) to which I feel connected. Suddenly lyrics by The Mountain Goats feel more profound than they used to. Earthy. Real. I can't place it.

I've been thrown into real life, and there are very few five-dollar words or lofty treatments of truth and beauty.

"I've stopped looking for royal cities in the air," to borrow a phrase from Josh Ritter.

"I'd ask you about love. You'd probably quote me a sonnet." I've always loved Good Will Hunting, but mainly from the side of a Will-wannabe who tried to understand Sean as best as he could. I spent hours reading and digesting all sorts of knowledge, after some holy grail of what I wanted my life to be like.

And especially what I wanted love to be like. Romeo and Juliet, Amélie, even The House of Flying Daggers (especially that part where he picks up the flowers on the horse). Not realizing the whole time that Sam and Melissa would be every bit as brilliant, every bit as colorful, every bit as creative as any of those stories.

God creates better stories than we do.

I've learned that lofty words don't really mean much. God has given me something that I cannot define -- it defines me. True love, the kind that makes me want to do anything for Melissa at any time, no matter what I think of it. The kind that pushes me and pushes me again to be sacrificial, and any time I want to give up, I find myself once again being pushed.

That kind of love can't really be described. It can't really be put into words. It makes every song or book I've heard or read seem trite or overly simplistic or too idealistic (or too morbid or cynical, for that matter). The pain and the joy that comes with marriage, with one reinforcing the other, can only be experienced.

I recently came across some songs I had recorded a couple of years ago. Well meaning songs, with heartfelt lyrics reflecting real pain. I couldn't help but smile at some and laugh out loud at others. I was so worried about things, and so convinced that so many other girls were perfect for me.

And I was so damn cynical.

Well, that's enough for now. Let me know your thoughts.

Oh, and if anyone wants to hang out this week, give me a call (or an Fbook post). I'm available after 5 any day, and all day Saturday.

The Media and Ron Paul

2008-02-21T11:19:00.002-05:00

Normally I'm not too into conspiracies. If there's anything my experience at UF has taught me, it's that history is complicated. The "official position" of the winners is usually wrong, and the conspiracy theorists are usually wrong. The answer often lies in between.

I can't help but feel like we're in the middle of a conspiracy when it comes to the media's coverage of Ron Paul. Ron Paul is monstrously popular on the internet and with young voters. See here for a YouTube video that represents it pretty well.

Mainstream media coverage of Paul is, well, appalling. His presence in the debates has been laughable. (Incidentally, watch the video at the end of that article and see how uncomfortable the other candidates are while Paul is speaking about the war in Iraq being unconstitutional and the need to address our foreign policy.) This article also sums up the situation nicely.

Seriously, I could go on and on about this. But the straw that broke the camel's back for me was this article from NPR . The article calls Ron Paul an iconoclast and assumes that he is going to get nowhere in the election. Despite this, they offer these stats:

- Last week, he raised $1.85 million in a 24-hour period.
- He's a superstar on YouTube with over 7 million viewers clicking on his offerings.
- Until Tuesday's Florida primary, Paul had beaten former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani in Iowa, Michigan, Nevada and South Carolina. Giuliani bested Paul in New Hampshire by 2,092 votes. (Paul campaigned in some of these states, while Giuliani focused mainly on Florida).
- Paul had captured 106,414 votes to Giuliani's 60,220 -- even though the press touted Giuliani as a frontrunner. (See NPR primary map)
- Paul came in second, albeit a distant second, in a field of seven Republicans in Nevada.

NPR says they've received over 200 individual emails complaining about the lack of coverage for Ron Paul (e.g. the fact that he's been mentioned only 160 times in the past six months -- that's not even once a day). Shockingly, they don't offer an apology in this article, they offer a defense:

"Yes, Paul has raised lots of money and has many dedicated supporters," said Larry Sabato, director of the Center for Politics at the University of Virginia. "That's all good, but even Ron Paul realizes he is not going to be the GOP presidential nominee. There is a happy golden mean of major and minor candidates somewhere. No one ever finds it's to everyone's satisfaction. The good news is that news organizations don't conspire."

NPR's Elving, a seasoned veteran of eight presidential races, said he is prepared to give Paul greater coverage when he is no longer an 'also-ran' in Republican primaries. "When and if he becomes an independent or third party candidate," said Elving, "he may become a far larger factor in the eventual general election outcome. At that point, news coverage will increase appropriately."

The number of comments left on the page indicate to me that it's not only conspiracy theorists that are upset with this.

Does anyone else find it strange that an anti-war, anti-tax, pro-life candidate who also happens to have a massive following is being dismissed almost entirely from the media? Whether you agree with his views or not (and I'm sure many disagree, as he can't really satisfy most Republicans or most Democrats), one would think he'd at least get a fair shake. It's not like his only supporters are his family or something.

Anyway, that's my two cents on the subject. I've heard this is also the case with Kucinich, but I don't know the details of that.

Peace,
Sam

On News of Her Passing

2008-02-13T08:51:00.003-05:00

I just read that the wife of a dear friend has passed away. My heart aches for him. After a marriage of somewhere around fifty years, she became ill, and now she's gone.

We prayed for the two of them every night over the past month or two when we heard she was sick. That God would heal her. That God's will would be done. That God would comfort him.

It is especially poignant when here I am, so fresh and new in the world of marriage. I am just becoming accustomed to the joys of knowing Melissa, to the deep, precious friendship that grows stronger every day. She is everything to me. I would do anything for her. And I don't say that in a cliché, romantic comedy kind of way. Because I've learned that "doing anything" for the woman you love means rubbing her feet after you've been at work for 8 hours. It means doing the dishes. It doesn't mean vanquishing evil.

But this is six months, not sixty years. This is infancy, with the world new and bright. Learning to talk, learning to walk. We hold hands and learn the names of things together, and all our plans for our lives are like playing pretend. We dream of our house and children while we sit alone in our one bedroom apartment. We're playing dress-up still, really.

Yet still I cling to her, and love her more than I could think possible. Words fall short. It's a love that describes me, not one that I can sum up with a sentence or a pithy quote. It's part of something greater, something that exists without me, that existed before me.

What was their love? If I am so submerged in this nascent love, what is the depth of a love that has seen so much over so long? Is it a torrent, or a Great Lake?

In the midst of this, I have to remember that it is not just love that conquers all, but Love that conquered all.

"And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.

But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ. Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death. For 'God has put all things in subjection under his feet.' But when it says, 'all things are put in subjection,' it is plain that he is excepted who put all things in subjection under him. When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all."

- 1 Corinthians 15:17-28

Grace and peace,
Sam

Back (Again) with Lots of Thoughts

2008-02-07T00:00:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone,

Well, I think I'm back to blogging regularly. It's been a very interesting and exciting first six months of marriage. Allow me to update you on some things...

Books

I've been reading and listening to lots of books on different subjects these days. These have consisted in several books by Dr. Andrew Weil, a few by Jim Cramer, one called Learned Optimism, and many more. They basically break down into finance, health, and relationships.

Recently finished books that have hit me hard include Each for the Other and The DNA of Relationships. Yes, I am in fact a married man now.

School

I am just about finished with school. I'll be graduating in May with my degree in religion. I am finishing up my thesis this semester. It's been a long, slow road, but ultimately a good one.

Career

Many of you know that I've decided to pursue a career in financial planning. This requires becoming certified by the CFP Board. The process includes education, a massive test, and a ton of experience. I'm really excited about it, though. I've really gotten into this kind of thing through podcasts like The Money Guy and The Disciplined Investor.

I hope to take this certification and start a private practice. Eventually, I would like to merge my interests in religion. It would be ideal for me to get an M.Div. and manage some sort of charitable trust portfolio or become a non-profit financial consultant.

CSN

Christian Service Network has not died. It has just taken a much, much longer time to get it going. Inquire within for details and to help.

That's all for now. Keep checking back. I plan on really using this thing now. I need the outlet.

Sam

Zaadz = Way Cool

2007-07-19T09:07:00.000-05:00

I recently joined the online community Zaadz. It's social networking with a purpose. I'll just let the head honcho describe it:

Welcome! Let's Change the World.

This is Brian, your friendly Philosopher & CEO here at Zaadz. On behalf of our entire team, I’d like to welcome you to our little Oasis on the web. Thrilled you’ve found us. Here’s a quick intro to what we’re up to:

Our Name. We’ll start with the name. zaad. It’s Dutch for “seed.” Amazing how much potential is in a tiny seed, eh? We think so, too. That power reminds us of the amazing potential within each of us. We thought the idea of creating a company that inspires and empowers you to bring your “seed” to actualization would be pretty powerful. So, we created “Zaadz.”

Our Mission. We’re gonna change the world. Our math goes like this: you be the change + you follow your bliss + you give your greatest strengths to the world moment to moment to moment + we do everything in our power to help you succeed + you inspire and empower everyone you know to do the same + we team up with millions like us = we just affected billions = we (together) changed the world.

Our Plan. Ours involves Conscious Capitalism infused with Spirituality and a healthy dose of Enthusiasm, Love, Service, Inspiration, Passion, Humor and Teamwork. People CRAZY enough to think they can change the world, Courageous enough to do something about it, AND Committed enough to stick to it when they feel like giving up.

We’re in the process of building THE most inspired community of people in the world…social networking with a purpose, a community of seekers and conscious entrepreneurs circulating wisdom and inspiration and wealth and all that good stuff. We’re passionate about inspiring and empowering people to bring their dreams to life, learning and growing and getting paid to do what they love, using their greatest gifts in the greatest service to the world. (And having fun in the process!)

Our Community. You (& Your Friends). Yes, you. You want more than the 9-5, the house and the car, the conditioning. The blah! Life is to be lived - Fully. In spirit. In love. In service. In celebration. (You’ve already swallowed the red pill, so let’s go…)

Us. A community of Leaders, Visionaries, Thinkers, Artists, Writers,
Healers, Teachers, Activists, Environmentalists, Conscious Entrepreneurs, and Many (many!) Others. People
of many ages (from 12 to 90), many nationalities, from different countries
(over 110!) and different backgrounds. Some already making huge differences
in thousands of lives, others working to make a difference starting with
themselves.

We’re thrilled you’ve joined us so early on and are excited to change the world together.

Namaste,

Brian Johnson, Philosopher & CEO

What are you waiting for? Check it out!

Jesus Camp

2007-07-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

I'm in Fort Wayne, eating some DeBrand chocolate, sipping some mint green tea, and relaxing. I decided to pop in Jesus Camp, a 2006 documentary about Evangelical (Pentecostal, actually) child-raising. Now, it seems like recently a slew of new media has come out to take on the Christian right. The book Why the Christian Right is Wrong, the documentary With God On Our Side, and a number of other books, movies, and scholarly articles are analyzing the rise of the Moral Majority, the Christian Right, or whatever you want to call it, whether in passing or as the main focus of the work. Some are insightful, some are vitriolic, some are scholarly, some are, well, not scholarly. As a religion major, I'll take what I can get. I can usually find some sort of silver lining to even the most banal treatments of a religious topic. Taking shots at extreme Christianity is about as ubiquitous as Starbucks and as cheap as Raman noodles these days, but even then I can salvage some good, add it to my ever-growing bank of religious knowledge, and move on.

I'll go ahead and say that Jesus Camp is no exception, although it suffers from the fact that I'm getting sick of the subject. The reason I'm writing, though, is because I have a special connection to this particular angle on the matter. Let's review some facts about me and my background:

- I was born into a Christian family; my Mom was raised Catholic and became a Charismatic mostly-Evangelical, while my Dad has remained Presbyterian most of his life.
- I fall into Jesus Camp's statistics neatly: I first "accepted Jesus into my heart" when I was about 5 years old. Do I think it was a genuine conversion? Honestly, yes. Do I have some sort of empirical justification for this? Not really, but do you have some sort of empirical justification for any belief or behavior held at the age of 5? I didn't think so. However, theologically, I don't really believe in a single conversion moment per se. I don't want to get too technical here, though, so I'll just say that I first converted to some form of Christianity - whether socialized or not - at 5, only to adhere to a more personal form of the faith in high school.
- I attended Christian school from kindergarten through third grade.
- I went to, yes, a Jesus Camp when I was eight years old.
- I experienced all those crazy things you see in Jesus Camp: speaking in tongues, falling down, crying uncontrollably, etc. I earnestly believed in all of it...for a period of time.
- During 11th grade, I entered a second phase of my faith, culminating in a dramatic experience around the time of my grandfather's death.
- In college, I ventured over to the Presbyterians, flirting with Greek Orthodoxy and some other things along the way.
- I study Christian history like it's my job. It sort of is for these four years in college.

Now let's review some other facts about myself:

- I like gay people. Imagine that.
- I don't think George W. Bush is a saint.
- I love The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.
- I love NPR, The Nation, and all kinds of other semi-liberal to liberal media.
- I love the Civic Media Center in Gainesville.
- I love America.
- I hate a great deal of things about America.

Now, don't get me wrong here. I am not, by any means, making this a saccharin, bleeding-heart post to say, "Hey! I turned out okay! Those creepy Christians didn't get to me, I'm a liberal!"

No. Not at all - I shy away from a label of "liberal" or "conservative," though we all know I'm no Sean Hannity. But I am writing to say that I simultaneously believe in liberal political causes, conservative political causes, the absolute sovereignty of God, the infallibility of Scripture, the need to love everyone (yes, even gay people - sorry Turlington preachers!), and a number of other seemingly contradictory things. But hey, don't we all? Who tows the party line in every facet of their lives? And don't we live this way regardless of or even because of how we grew up?

What's my point? Well, for starters, it's that movies like Jesus Camp are a tremendous oversimplification. Turning footage of a Pentecostal church camp in South Dakota into an ominous statement about the future of our children is not exactly five-star work. I could do the same thing with a McDonald's around the corner (oh wait, that's been done too).

Clarity: I do think that Evangelical children's ministry and education contributes to a so-called "army of Republicans," but it'll take a while to convince me that it has a role any greater than rampant materialism, socioeconomic disparity, or, of course, the fact that Republican parents often raise Republican children.

Wait a second, can't we make the same argument about liberal parents? About public education? About secular humanism? About YMCA Day Camp!? For goodness sake, any time you teach children something, you indoctrinate them! Aren't we making value judgments here? Now who's intolerant?

On a more specific level, the film is a huge oversimplification of the sociological elements of religious indoctrination. Which comes first: political leanings, socioeconomic status, or religious belief? If you can answer that in less than six pages and a bibliography (and that's being pretty generous), you're oversimplifying. Jesus Camp focuses on the latter without any mention of the other components of moral or religious development.

Come on, folks, let's get real. If there's anything I've learned from my liberal arts education, it's that life is complicated. History is complicated, religion is complicated, and, for crying out loud, the moral and intellectual development of society is complicated.

All of this reminds me of Dr. Sommerville's book The Decline of the Secular University (shameless plug), as well as some of Dr. Richard Horner's work. What is the centering text here? What frames what? Why is it that democracy can frame religion but not the other way around?

My suggestion: read Sommerville and the classic Habits of the Heart.

Okay, the last thing I'll do is criticize the subject of Jesus Camp - Evangelical Christianity as represented in the film. What's my main criticism? There's absolutely no mention of grace, which is probably the defining characteristic of Christian doctrine in the history of religion. But that's for another post.

My next criticism? Politics, of course. But you already knew that.

Peace,
Sam

love

2007-05-08T21:46:00.000-05:00

lately, i've been thinking a lot about the following:

love is patient and kind;

love does not envy or boast;

it is not arrogant or rude.

it does not insist on its own way;

it is not irritable or resentful;

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

love bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

it's amazing how difficult these simple words are to follow. my relationship with melissa tries me and tests me and stretches me.

but listen: "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." all things. geez.

that's a bit of a stretch for this divorce-happy culture. it seems like people get divorced these days over all things. undivided loyalty is pretty hard to find.

so i haven't been writing in a while. i really should. i have a lot more time now that it's the summer. well, sort of. i'm doing a lot of things, as usual.

but hey, this blog has been around for almost a year. that's pretty spiffy.

miss you all.

peace,
sam

Help Stevie!

2007-04-05T07:09:00.000-05:00

Borrowed from Molly Hedrick:

Steve Hedrick (aka Riverman) is a 21 year-old musician from Orlando. At various moments you will find him playing guitar, piano, percussion, accordion!, bango, violin, or the harmonica. He writes all his own music and sings. He describes his music as "neo-folk-rock with a Beach Boys twist."

Steve works at Starbucks in his off-time. Recently, Starbucks had a contest to find untapped talent from within their ranks, and gave their employees the chance to submit original music. Out of 800 submissions, Steve's song, "Light of the Moon" was one of 15 who made it on the CD, "Off the Clock"(available at locations nationwide).
We now have the opportunity to vote on the 15 finalists to decide who will be the Grand Prize Winner. Let's make it happen! Here's how:

Go to Hear Music. At the bottom of the screen, there is a picture of "Off the Clock." Click on it. At the bottom of the screen, you will see some brightly colored dots. Click on the one that says, "Listen and Vote." The list of the contestants will come up. Steve is listed under the name 'Riverman.' All you need is a valid e-mail address. If you could each take 2-3 minutes and enter any addresses you could think of, we could really help Steve. Those 2-3 minutes could mean a big opportunity for him. Thank you!

Molly (The Proud Little Sister)

Stevie is a really, really good friend of mine. Please, please, PLEASE vote for him!! He is amazingly talented -- one of the greatest musicians I know in my age group. He deserves this so much. It could easily be his big break.

So, click here and help him out!

Peace,
Sam

StumbleUpon

2007-03-28T07:56:00.000-05:00

Holy cow, I'm addicted to StumbleUpon, a Firefox extension that allows you to surf the web by category.

Wow.

Check it out.

on finishing perks

2007-03-25T14:55:00.000-05:00

today i finished reading the perks of being a wallflower. melissa gave it to me. i wouldn't have thought that i would like it if you told me about it ahead of time, but for some reason i did. i really felt like i could relate to it. and it gave me a little insight into myself.

the thing is that my personality is very similar to charlie's, especially when i was in high school. quiet, introspective, insightful. but what strikes me is that charlie found outlets for what he felt through drugs or sex or drinking. of course, the point is that he just went along with everything, not really knowing whether he enjoyed those things or not. but still. it makes me think. i relate to charlie so well in feeling like there is something wrong with me, or in feeling like things are slipping away or spinning out of control. but i when was in high school, i suppressed most of those feelings and spun into my own imaginary world. fantasies of lsd, not lsd itself. and only a select few knew of my crippling depression until it started to seep out my senior year. but i can't help but wonder if part of the seriousness of my depression in high school was because i felt trapped. i felt like i had to bottle everything in. i wasn't allowed to go to parties or whatever. and girls didn't like me. unlike charlie, i didn't have girls ask me on dates. instead, i had to live vicariously through my friends' acid trips and their first forays into relationships and sex.

i don't know. i just think it's interesting. i just wonder how that has affected me.

peace,
sam

blue like...

2007-03-22T22:49:00.000-05:00

Well, once again it's been ages. I guess between school and wedding planning, I have a lot on my plate. But I'd really like to get back into blogging. That is, if anyone is still reading this thing.

I spent spring break at the Palmer Home for Children. It was a good experience: raking, cutting down trees, clearing brush, roofing, and spending time with some pretty cool kids. I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on the trip another time, but right now I'm still taking it in and chewing on it.

That's what happened last year with our trip to Waveland to help out folks through Lagniappe Church, the latest project of Jean Larroux. The guy is a stud, hands down. But when I was on the trip, I didn't really feel like I was getting anything out of it. A year later, though, and I can see what an influential trip it was for me.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I finally read Blue Like Jazz. I gotta say, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I did enjoy his candor, and I particularly liked his thoughts on loving people who aren't like us. On the other hand, I thought his version of Christianity seemed pretty watered down. The biggest flaw was that it seemed like his feelings pretty much determined everything he did. Rather than really seeking for the meaning of Scripture, he just sort of wandered around, letting the Bible influence him just as much as a TV show or a poem. That seems like a somewhat flaky version of Christianity, in my opinion. I think intellectual rigor needs to be a prominent part of Christianity, especially a devotion to attempting to understand the Bible on its own terms.

And it's entirely possible. I went to see a lecture by N.T. Wright, the formidable scholar, eloquent speaker, and Bishop of Durham. He spoke on "Paul's Jewish Gospel for a Gentile World," an extremely engaging and accessible lecture regarding the distinctive Jewish qualities of Paul's message. Partway through, he shifted gears and discussed "Paul's Gospel for a Post-Modern, Post-Secular, Neo-Imperialist World," an extremely relevant discussion of how to proclaim Christ as Messiah in the 21st century. He did it with charm, insight, feeling, and sound reasoning. I guess it can be done.

The other thing that bothered me about Blue Like Jazz, aside from the fact that it sounded like it was written by a seventeen year-old kid, is that Miller seems almost entirely ignorant of Christian history. His tone makes it sound like he has discovered some revolutionary version of Christianity. His whole account of his spiritual journey really doesn't differ much from Augustine, Wesley, Ignatius, or even Nathan Cole, a farmer who converted after hearing a sermon by Whitefield. I just feel like Miller could use a little perspective. American Christianity is by no means representative of all of Christianity. It's only a small facet of hundreds of years and hundreds of cultures. And each has had its flaws.

That's all for now. I'm tired. But I'm really going to try to write on this thing again. I'm now reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Life at the Bottom. You know, in addition to writing a ton of papers and reading a ton of books about Jesus and the Hindu goddess Sitala.

Peace,
Sam

More Merton

2007-02-01T00:47:00.000-05:00

The wise man has struggled to find You in his wisdom, and he has failed. The just man has striven to grasp You in his own justice, and he has gone astray.

But the sinner, suddenly struck by the lightning of mercy that ought to have been justice, falls down in adoration of Your holiness: for he had seen what kings desired to see and never saw, what prophets foretold and never gazed upon, what the men of ancient times grew weary of expecting when they died. He has seen that Your love is so infinitely good that it cannot be the object of a human bargain. True, there are two testaments, two bargains. But both of them are only promises that You would freely give us what we could never deserve: that You would manifest Your holiness to us by showing us Your mercy and Your liberality and Your infinite freedom.

- Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

what do you expect?

2007-01-20T00:41:00.000-05:00

Melissa and I just watched a couple of hours of To Catch a Predator, a series of Dateline special investigations about so-called "child predators." Feel free to check out the site and watch some videos. Ultimately, though, I believe this series is doing more harm than good.

Here's how it works:

1. Random guy starts talking to police decoy online.
2. Decoy pretends to be a 13 year old girl (or boy) and starts talking about sex.
3. Random guy starts to enjoy the fantasy, starts saying stupid things.
4. Decoy gets guy to agree to meet.
5. Random guy, in a moment of sheer stupidity, agrees to meet.
6. Random guy goes to decoy house.
7. Guy gets busted by Dateline and then the cops.
8. Guy's life is essentially ruined.

In 90% of the cases, I'd say the guys were in a moment of stupidity. I doubt any of them would have really done anything with a child. They were scared out of their minds when they got caught, not like the smug serial killers or rapists who say they'd do it again. One of the men was a doctor who was probably just having a mid-life crisis. Now he has probably lost his medical license. Just reading stories of child molesters shows you the kind of people who really do the molesting. Most of the time, they are pretty deranged and a lot more clever than to fall into the trap of a sting. A lot of them also prefer sex with minors (shudder), whereas most of these men were just playing around with a fantasy - like playing with fire. Yes, it's a sick fantasy, but the internet is a pretty sick place.

Most of these men were completely normal. They weren't smarmy, shady creeps. They were normal guys. Guess what? They had sexual addictions. And guess what else? Odds are that the cops arresting these guys have a sexual addiction as well.

According to one site, there were 27.5 million U.S. visitors to adult-oriented pornographic Web sites in January 2002, of which about 72% of visitors were men and 28% women.

Did you catch that? 27.5 million Americans in 2002. And that's five years ago, folks. According to US News and World Report, the pornography industry takes in more than $8 billion a year (I've seen higher figures elsewhere), which is more than rock and country music, and more than all Broadway productions, theater, ballet, jazz and classical music combined.

So here's the problem. What on earth is randomly throwing in prison a bunch of normal guys going to accomplish? A 2002 study determined that Hollywood currently releases 11,000 adult movies per year – more than 20 times the mainstream movie production. You get the idea. You can find more of these shocking statistics here (at a site which is a particular favorite of mine). I'm betting that given enough prompting and begging and goading, a lot of men in this country would succumb to the temptation of illegal sex. If you don't believe me, go read up on sex tourism.

Maybe we should start working on the root of the problem. You know, like the fact that there was a Victoria's Secret ad on the Dateline web site when I was working on this post (see screenshot). My point is precisely the title of this post: what do you expect? In a country where the revenues of the porn industry are more than those of the NFL, NBA, and MLB combined, is it any wonder when women have become degraded so much that children are being sought after as the next "sexual high"?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not defending any of these men. What they did (or intended to do) was wrong, and with Proverbs I ask: "Can a man take fire to his chest and expect not to be burned?" I am saying, though, that simply generating criminals through baiting ordinary sex addicts and then throwing them in jail isn't going to solve anything. How can we only condemn the illegal aspects of these cases without condemning first the widespread problem of infidelity through porn?

That's enough for tonight.

Peace,
Sam

another

2007-01-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

(begin stream of poetic consciousness)

a morning of slick winter coats
pushes and pulls and
destroys whatever
distant thoughts of driving
or flying
i once knew.
it is
a drop of spring rain
a sunset
a grain of sand
that permits me to sing
that permits me to run
past jade hills
and towering brick sarcophagi.
but there are black eyes
and black skin
and black steel
ominous tongues of metal
double-barrelled death
gripped by tiny hands
tiny teeth clenched
falsely masked by ferocity.
counterfeits.
frauds.
it is they
it is they
who cause me to cry.
who cause me to scream.
it is for them
that i clench my teeth.
that i tighten my fist.
it is for them
that i will fight.
that i will live.
i will turn these tears
to flight
and i will sing
until morning.

(end)

peace,
sam

short

2007-01-11T00:45:00.000-05:00

sorry it's been so long. i've been busy changing my life and starting a new semester. i'll have more later, but i just streamed this little guy:

what are we coming to?
breathing in smoke
breathing in stars
sleeping in flames
twisted
turning
revolving around
burning cinders
of complacency
i am a slit wrist
i am a shooting star
i am a smoldering wick

peace,
sam

emily

2006-12-12T23:14:00.000-05:00

so basically, i've recently been given the pleasure of being introduced to one of my all-time favorite songs. it's called "emily" by joanna newsom. the lyrics are beautiful. here they are:

the meadowlark and the chim-choo-ree and the sparrow
set to the sky in a flying spree, for the sport over the pharaoh
a little while later the Pharisees dragged comb through the meadow
do you remember what they called up to you and me, in our window?

there is a rusty light on the pines tonight
sun pouring wine, lord, or marrow
down into the bones of the birches
and the spires of the churches
jutting out from the shadows
the yoke, and the axe, and the old smokestacks and the bale and the barrow
and everything sloped like it was dragged from a rope
in the mouth of the south below

we've seen those mountains kneeling, felten and grey
we thought our very hearts would up and melt away
from that snow in the nighttime
just going
and going
and the stirring of wind chimes
in the morning
in the morning
helps me find my way back in
from the place where I have been

and, Emily - I saw you last night by the river
I dreamed you were skipping little stones across the surface of the water
frowning at the angle where they were lost, and slipped under forever,
in a mud-cloud, mica-spangled, like the sky'd been breathing on a mirror

anyhow - I sat by your side, by the water
you taught me the names of the stars overhead that I wrote down in my ledger
tho all I knew of the rote universe were those pleiades loosed in december
I promised you I‘d set them to verse so I'd always remember

that the meteorite is a source of the light
and the meteor's just what we see
and the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee

and the meteorite's just what causes the light
and the meteor's how it's perceived
and the meteoroid's a bone thrown from the void that lies quiet in offering to thee

you came and lay a cold compress upon the mess I'm in
threw the window wide and cried; Amen! Amen! Amen!
the whole world - stopped - to hear you hollering
you looked down and saw now what was happening

the lines are fadin' in my kingdom
(tho I have never known the way to border 'em in)
so the muddy mouths of baboons and sows and the grouse and the horse and the hen
grope at the gate of the looming lake that was once a tidy pen
and the mail is late and the great estates are not lit from within
the talk in town's becoming downright sickening

in due time we will see the far butte lit by a flare
I've seen your bravery, and I will follow you there
and row through the nighttime
gone healthy
gone healthy all of a sudden
in search of the midwife
who could help me
who could help me
help me find my way back in
there are worries where I've been

say, say, say in the lee of the bay; don't be bothered
leave your troubles here where the tugboats shear the water from the water
(flanked by furrows, curling back, like a match held up to a newspaper)
Emily, they'll follow your lead by the letter
and I make this claim, and I'm not ashamed to say I know you better
what they've seen is just a beam of your sun that banishes winter

let us go! though we know it's a hopeless endeavor
the ties that bind, they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever
though there is nothing would help me come to grips with a sky that is gaping and yawning
there is a song I woke with on my lips as you sailed your great ship towards the morning

come on home, the poppies are all grown knee-deep by now
blossoms all have fallen, and the pollen ruins the plow
peonies nod in the breeze and while they wetly bow, with
hydrocephalitic listlessness ants mop up-a their brow

and everything with wings is restless, aimless, drunk and dour
the butterflies and birds collide at hot, ungodly hours
and my clay-colored motherlessness rangily reclines
- come on home, now! all my bones are dolorous with vines

Pa pointed out to me, for the hundredth time tonight
the way the ladle leads to a dirt-red bullet of light
squint skyward and listen -
loving him, we move within his borders:
just asterisms in the stars' set order

we could stand for a century
starin'
with our heads cocked
in the broad daylight at this thing
joy
landlocked
in bodies that don't keep
dumbstruck with the sweetness of being
till we don't be
told; take this
eat this

told; the meteorite is the source of the light
and the meteor's just what we see
and the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee

and the meteorite's just what causes the light
and the meteor's how it's perceived
and the meteoroid's a bone thrown from the void that lies quiet in offering to thee

peace,
sam

from merton to hananasif

2006-12-08T22:32:00.000-05:00

So this has been a really good day. It started with our last Thomas Merton group of the semester (complete with pancakes). It was so refreshing to talk and pray with Gerald, Charlie, and Tyler.

This excellent day ended with a spur of the moment gig. Well, the gig itself wasn't spur of the moment - it was a benefit show for Desire Street Ministries. The spur of the moment part was that my friend Lauren called me this afternoon to see if I wanted to play djembe with her (she plays violin) and Sydney (who sings and plays guitar). If I haven't mentioned these two yet (and their usual partner, Melissa, who was unable to make it), let me say once and for all that they are incredibly talented and tremendously inspiring. It was wonderful playing with them.

Let me tell you a little more about Sydney. She is one of those people who is a flame embodied. She lives life without fear, trusting in God and dreaming big. She's traveled all kinds of places. Recently, she did a study abroad program in Tanzania. While she was there, she discovered the Hananasif orphanage. Sydney has become really involved with this place (as has Melissa - pictured above), and she spoke a lot about tonight at the gig. It was really inspiring.

Consider some facts about Tanzania from the Hananasif web site:

• Tanzania is the fifth poorest country in the world.
• Dar-es-Salaam is the third largest city in east Africa.
• Only 56% of the population has access to clean water.
• The average annual income per capita is $140.
• There were more than one million AIDS orphans in Tanzania in the year 2000.
• USAID has calculated that in the year 2010 there will be approximately 1.8 million AIDS orphans in Tanzania, unless an effective and inexpensive form of treatment is developed by that time.

Hananasif is an orphanage, school, and outreach. It's really neat. Check out the web site and also this video that Melissa made.

Peace,
Sam

Merton Again

2006-12-08T22:29:00.000-05:00

Read a couple of days ago in a moment of extreme despair:

"How close God is to us when we come to recognize and to accept our abjection and to cast our care entirely upon Him! Against all human expectation He sustains us when we need to be sustained, helping us to do what seemed impossible. We learn to know about Him, now, not in the 'presence' that is found in abstract consideration - a presence in which we dress Him in our own finery - but in the emptiness of a hope that may come close to despair. For perfect hope is achieved on the brink of despair when, instead of falling over the edge, we find ourselves walking on the air. Hope is always just about to turn into despair, but never does so, for at the moment of supreme crisis God's power is suddenly made perfect in our infirmity. So we learn to expect His mercy most calmly when all is most dangerous, to seek Him quietly in the face of peril, certain that He cannot fail us though we may be upbraided by the just and rejected by those who claim to hold the evidence of His love." - Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

Peace,
Sam

Christmas Songs

2006-12-04T00:04:00.000-05:00

So, we're back in Christmas music mode. Have you ever stopped to read the lyrics to some of our classic songs? A lot of them are really good. I've just sung them 10,000 times and often don't even realize what I'm singing. Take a look at some of them:

Various Parts of "O Come O Come Emmanuel"
O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

The Last Verse of "O Holy Night"
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!
Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!

This last one isn't exactly a classic, but I like it:

Relient K's "I Celebrate the Day"
With this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let you know
How much you've touched my life because
Here is where you're finding me
In the exact same place as New Years Eve
And from the lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I wanna be

And the first time that you opened your eyes
Did you realize that you would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever?

And so this Christmas I'll compare
The things I've felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That you have come to meet me here

To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me
And the hope that
That you give
That you were born so I might really live
To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me…

And the first time that you opened your eyes
Did you realize that you would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever?

And I
I celebrate the day
That you were born to die
So I could one day
Pray for you to save my life
Pray for you to save my life
Pray for you to save my life

Peace,
Sam
P.S. GO GATORS!

my life's work.

2006-12-02T21:32:00.000-05:00

In case you don't know, I have one overarching goal: to end sex trafficking. I don't know how yet, but I plan on dedicating my life to coming up with a social entrepreneurship-type solution to this problem:

"An estimated 2 million women and children are held in sexual servitude throughout the world, and between 800,000 and 900,000 are trafficked across international borders for the purposes of sexual exploitation each year."

Is that not ridiculous?

The issue is that it's a very complex problem. There's the specific woman or child, whoever is trafficking them, the local law enforcement, the government, and then the root of the problem: the demand. Somehow all of these factors need to be taken into account.

So I'm going to throw a bunch of web sites at you now for your perusal. Read them and join the revolution. I can't do it by myself.

Coalition Against Trafficking in Women
Captive Daughters
Progeny
Amnesty International: Human Trafficking
Stop Demand

If you only read one thing, read the Captive Diaries, the blog from Captive Daughters.

Stand up. A guy I really like once said, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few."

Peace,
Sam

This American Life

2006-11-18T10:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, if you haven't started listening to This American Life yet, now is the time. They've greatly improved their streaming audio and started offering a free weekly podcast. They've also decreased their archive prices to 95 cents an episode.

So, check it out and see why TAL is my all-time favorite radio show. Some of my favorite episodes: "Notes on Camp," "Testosterone," and "Pray." Just click on "Our Favorite Shows" and enjoy.

That is all.

Peace,
Sam

the glory of God in the face of Christ

2006-11-11T21:51:00.000-05:00

"For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." - 2 Corinthians 4:5-6

I love these verses. They're packed with goodness. First, I love the reminder that "what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord." I feel like most of the time I'm proclaiming myself, whether it's through blatant statements of selfishness or just through settle ways of gaining attention. The natural result of proclaiming Christ as Lord is, as Paul notes, to become a servant for the sake of Jesus. Humility, in a word. Second, I love the concept that God - the very God who said "Let there be light" - uses His creative power to illuminate our hearts. Finally, the way Paul describes this light is incredible. What is this light? It is knowledge. Knowledge of what? The glory of God. What is this glory and where can we find it? In the face of Jesus Christ. But wait, who is this Jesus? Well, according to Hebrews 1:3, Jesus "is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature, and He upholds the universe by the word of His power." And, paradoxically, Jesus is also the sacrificial lamb. Indeed, "for our sake [God] made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Cor. 5:21).

Okay, so we can look at Jesus - the Son of God who upholds the universe and also died for our sins - to see and understand even just a bit of the glory of God. And it is this knowledge of the sacrificed Savior that shines in our hearts by the creative power of God.

How can we help but proclaim such an awesome truth?

I wanted to post the third verse of Charles Wesley's "Jesus, Lover of My Soul." I just discovered it; I don't think I've ever sang it:

Wilt Thou not regard my call? Wilt Thou not accept my prayer?
Lo! I sink, I faint, I fall—Lo! on Thee I cast my care;
Reach me out Thy gracious hand! While I of Thy strength receive,
Hoping against hope I stand, dying, and behold, I live.

Peace,
Sam

Cleverness

2006-11-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

(From the On-line Gainesville Sun: Oct 21)

A Few Lessons for Urban Meyer

Here are a few tricks that coach Urban Meyer could learn from the mysterious author of the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences 5-year plan.

First, get rid of all defensive players. They are much less productive than the offensive players as far as the number of points scored is concerned. Just as the religion department is less productive than chemistry as far as the amount of external funding attracted is concerned.

Second, get rid of special teams, too. On a per capita basis, they are still less productive than the offense.

Third, if the media points out that your defense actually played better against Auburn than your offense, act as if you had not heard. Do not compare your defense to the defense of Southern California or Ohio State, compare the points scored by your offense to the points scored by your defense. Just as the excellent external reviews of the Mathematics and English departments are ignored by the CLAS 5-year plan. Just as the author of that plan compares the UF Math Department not to the Math Department of Michigan State or Texas, but to the Physics or Chemistry Department of UF.

Maybe if Meyer follows this advice, the ranking of the Gator football team will match those of UF as a whole.

Linda Sciacca,
Gainesville

Nugget Absurdity

2006-11-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

Alan and I just saw a commercial for Chick-Fil-A's Million Nugget Giveaway and just had quite a good laugh discussing the sheer magnitude of a million chicken nuggets. Consider:

- There are about 12 nuggets in a pack of chicken nuggets. We used the number 10.
- One million nuggets divided into 10 per pack equals 100,000 packs of chicken nuggets.
- That's 100,000 lunches.
- There are about 1000 days in 3 years.
- Thus, 100,000 lunches would take 300 years to eat.

300 years. Or, let's say you ate chicken nuggets for every meal of the day. It would still take 100 years to eat them all. Now, a person who eats chicken nuggets constantly couldn't live past the age of 60. Nor would they have started eating until they were at least 18 (the age of winning the contest). So, 20 years. That's five lifetimes.

Five lifetimes of chicken nuggets.

Okay, so Chick-Fil-A isn't actually giving away one million nuggets to one person. They're giving away 15,000 nugget trays. But it's still absolutely hilarious to think about the sheer magnitude of one million nuggets.

Oh, America. You and your gluttony.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. I promise I'll write about serious, profound issues regarding religion, America, and social work soon. Maybe.

Sometimes you just need to rock out to Canadian music.

2006-11-03T02:10:00.000-05:00

I need to go to bed, but I had to post something.

I just got back from seeing Broken Social Scene with JT & Co. in St. Pete. It was one of the most fun shows I have ever been to. The band took their time on every song and played wonderfully. Absolutely incredible. Indescribable. I danced my heart out and sung my lungs out, which is exactly what I needed in the middle of this stressful semester. They played "It's All Gonna Break" second to last, and I went nuts. It's a rare moment to hear one of your all-time favorite songs live. My love for that song is disproportionate to my love for the band's work as a whole. And here's the best part: after the show, I looked Brendon Canning (one of the guitarists and a founding member) right in the eyes and told him how much I love that song. He said that he hoped he did it justice. You did, Brendan. You did.

I feel ready to take on the world again. I really, really needed that.

Peace,
Sam

something has gone terribly wrong

2006-10-30T17:21:00.000-05:00

Okay, I don't know why, but I love Underoath. I don't normally like hard core. There's just something about them that I love.

I guess that's all I have to say.

Off to read and write and such...

Peace,
Sam

Entering Loneliness

2006-10-28T20:19:00.000-05:00

Life has been pretty crazy these days. I'm learning quite a bit. I'm currently reading Habits of the Heart, The Road Less Traveled, and of course the ongoing quest to digest No Man is an Island. All are very thought-provoking.

I've also been thinking a lot about my future, especially grad school and my career. I'll elaborate on that stuff soon.

For now, I wanted to post a quote that Chuck passed on to me. I really enjoy it:

"I decided to make a life in the US, and I experienced pain and felt a deep absence of friendship, but then I started to slowly realize that maybe the experience of loneliness and the experience of separation might not be a negative thing. It might, I thought, bring me more in touch with other people's experience of loneliness. If I would not run away from it, but feel it through all the way, it might become fruitful. Then suddenly I had this idea that loneliness which is pain, when you do not run away from it but feel it through and stand up in it and look it right in the face, that there is something there that can be a source of hope, in the middle of the pain there is some hidden gift. I, more and more in my life, have discovered that the gifts of life are often hidden in the places that hurt the most. I am saying that you can stand the pain. I think one of the great challenges of life is to dare to stand in your pain, and to trust that there is something beyond that which is safe. What begins to happen is something like the experience that there is safety beyond the pain, that if you enter into it, it's not so frightening as you thought it was, and that underneath your loneliness, there is an experience of being held safe.

I know it for myself so much that if I experience loneliness or anguish, I distract myself. I go do something so that I don't feel it. But it is always a disappointment, and I am more lonely; I am more anguished. Then I discovered that if I just stay with it, and live with it to the fullest. Not just accept it, but taste it, chew on it. I would nearly say to myself I am lonely, yes, and let me feel it. I've discovered that there's much more strength in me than I realized and, in a way, the strength is not coming from me, but it is coming indeed from someone who holds me, who loved me long before I came into life, from someone who will love me long after I have died. It is not an intellectual thing. Jesus for me is the center of it. Jesus for me is the one who helps me discover that God had loved me before I even was born, and will still love me after I die. The love of God is a love that is there before and after any other human being has touched me. The mystery of knowing Jesus is the mystery of knowing God who embraces me much in a wider and deeper way, more than any human being can do. It sounds quite theoretical, but I have only discovered this gradually in life through much of my own pain, and through much of my own disappointment, and through much of my own running away to other places."

- Henri Nouwen in Nouwen Then by Christopher de Vinck, p. 134.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. Isn't that the corniest title of a book ever conceived?

love

2006-10-22T16:38:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about love recently - being "in love," loving, Christian love, romantic love. Recently I feel like I've been learning a lot about it. I came across this from Piper today in a sermon on loving others:

"The sum of the matter is this: Because God has rescued us from his own wrath at the cost of his Son, and has gathered us together into Christ where we are eternally safe with him, we stand trembling with joy and look into each other’s eyes, and say: Can you believe it? We are here! We are here! In Christ! We’re not at the bottom of the mine shaft! We are not falling in the flames of the bottomless pit. And that’s what we deserve. And we are here! Chosen. Loved. Forgiven. Forever. Together."

This, to me, is what Christian love is: reminding each other of the Gospel, no matter what. Christian love is about propelling each other to Christ. What we often miss, to our shame, is that the deepest and most beautiful experiences of Christian love must occur when one (or both) person feels like the mine shaft is real, and the flames of the bottomless pit feel as hot as the sun. This is bearing each other's burdens. "We love because God first loved us" - and how did God first love us? It was not when we were feeling content. It wasn't even when we were truly ourselves. God loved us before we were made new in Christ, before we were even capable of loving Him. Not only that, but He loved us when we were actively hostile towards Him - and He still does.

One of my favorite hymns is "May the Mind of Christ, My Savior." I particularly love the last verse:

"May the love of Jesus fill me,
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing
This is victory."

Peace (or maybe "Love" is more appropriate),
Sam

Zikes!

2006-10-18T09:09:00.000-05:00

It's been 10 days since my last post. I apologize. Life got a little crazy. It's only now starting to stabilize - starting with the fact that I went to bed at 9:30 last night and woke up at 9:50 this morning. Anyway, here's what's shaking.

I've been immersed in Marx, Marxists, and Marxians for the past few weeks. It's been really thought-provoking, especially given the stigma attached to that line of thinking in this country (thanks, McCarthy!). After reading various parts of a Marx-Engels Reader (I felt pretty hip buying it), I've had to read major portions of The Making of the English Working Class by E.P. Thompson and The Devil and Commodity Fetishism in South America by Michael Taussig. I'm still slogging through them - they're quite long and quite dense. Thompson's book is especially difficult - every word involves some concept of English history with which I am unfamiliar. There's also this bizarre section of that book where Thompson analyzes hymns by the Wesleys and reads all of this crazy homoerotic, sado-masochist thinking into them (he blames it on the sexual suppression present in Methodism, a denomination which he and a colleague term "psychological masturbation"). Weeeeeird.

Anyway, Taussig's book is pretty dang interesting. He considers market exchange (read: the basis of capitalism) as something unnatural: "a social form that undermines the basis of social unity by allowing creativity and the satisfaction of need to be subverted by a system that puts profit seeking ahead of people and that makes man an appendange of the economy and a slave to the work process instead of the master of it" (29). This follows from Marx's view of work, particularly what he calls "the alienation of labor." This basically means that, in capitalism, skill and human worth isn't valued, only profit is. Because of this, humans are alienated from their work -- it really doesn't matter whether you worked 8 hours to build that table perfectly, it's just going to be sold in mass quantities for $20 regardless of who built it or how it was built. "Instead of man being the aim of production," writes Taussig, "production has become the aim of man and wealth the aim of production; instead of tools and the productive mechanism in general liberating man from the slavery of toil, man has become the slave of tools and the instituted process of production" (32). Humans now ask "What is good for business?" instead of "What is business good for?"

All of this relates to commodity fetishism, which I don't have time to explain here.

Here's why I find this interesting. In Christianity, we have the concept of the fall, particularly of the fall of work. Note Genesis 3:17-19, where God explains the curse to Adam:

"And to Adam he said, 'Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, 'You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.'"

God says that work is going to be difficult ("By the sweat of your face"), it's not going to return as much ("cursed is the ground"), and it's going to be around forever ("all the days of your life"). Now, here's the thing. How much of the alienation of labor seen in capitalism is part of the curse of work -- i.e. it would be around in some form regardless of the economic system -- and how much of it is due to capitalism? What would the curse look like in communism (since it would definitely be present)?

These are the things I'm pondering. We're socialized in America to believe that capitalism is sacred. Don't believe me? Try asking students how much Marx they've read since middle school. Or here's something more disturbing: I've found that when I attack capitalism in front of Christians, many of them take it as personally as if I had just renounced my faith. To paraphrase and manipulate Thoreau, "We must remember that we are Christians first, and Americans at a late hour." If Marx and his followers have something valuable to say about work and money, then let's listen to them.

This reminds me. If you haven't read this article, do it now:
When Not to Refute Atheism: Marx, Nietzsche, and Freud for Christian Reflection

This lecture changed my life my freshman year of college.

Sorry for the length - my congratulations if you made it to the end of this post!

Peace,
Sam
P.S. I've just started The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck for my junior seminar. It was on the NYTimes bestseller list for 10 years! I'm sure I'll have a post about it soon.

suddenly everything has changed

2006-10-07T23:13:00.000-05:00

This is a song by The Flaming Lips that I've always enjoyed:

Putting all the vegetables away
That you bought at the grocery store today
And it goes fast
You think of the past
Suddenly everything has changed

Driving home, the sky accelerates
And the clouds all form a geometric shape
And it goes fast
You think of the past
Suddenly everything has changed

Putting all the clothes you’ve washed away
And as you’re folding up the shirts you hesitate
Then it goes fast
You think of the past
And suddenly everything has changed

The lyrics themselves don't accurately sum up why the song is interesting. The way they do the music bears an uncanny resemblance to remembering things...it's hard to describe, but fascinating. It's like they turned the process of reminiscing into a song. I often find myself repeating that line - "suddenly everything has changed." Now is definitely one of those times.

On a more mundane level, we beat LSU today. Hooray. And a couple of people came over to watch The Royal Tenenbaums. I can't get enough of that movie. Wes Anderson's ability to capture sadness, family troubles, neglect, and love is just beautiful. And I love how he captures these elements of reality through such bizarre characters and events.

That's all for now. I have a lot on my mind and heart these days, but I'm still processing a lot. Next week is going to be pretty nuts in the school department.

Peace,
Sam

mystery.

2006-10-03T22:48:00.000-05:00

You may know that I've been reading some Thomas Merton with Charlie, Tyler, and Gerald. It has been a great journey thus far. Last week, my whole life was disrupted by the following:

"God's will is a profound and holy mystery, and the fact that we live our everyday lives engulfed in this mystery should not lead us to underestimate its holiness...His will is the cloud of darkness that surrounds His intimate presence.

"When we speak of God's will, we are usually speaking only of some recognizable sign of His will. The signpost that points to a distant city is not the city itself, and sometimes the signs that point to a great place are themselves insignificant and contemptible. But we must follow the direction of the signpost if we are to get to the end of our journey.

"...if we are too anxious to pry into the mystery that surrounds us we will lose the prophet's reverence and exchange it for the impertinence of soothsayers. We must be silent in the presence of signs whose meaning is closed to us."

Here's what struck me: for most of my life, I have been struggling to understand the reasoning behind patterns of disappointment in my life. We all have this classic problem: things look like they're going well, and then something happens. Maybe for you it's academics, or internships, or summer plans. Maybe, like me, it's relationships (more on that in person). Regardless, this is part of the human condition: bafflement. Why do these things happen to me?

Merton reminded me that God's will is perfect and holy, and rather than trying to figure things out all the time, we should recognize the signs of mystery and appreciate them. It's not hard, either - whatever your problem du jour is, that's your sign of mystery. "Why am I not married yet?", "Why didn't I get that job that I was well-qualified for?", "Why did that person betray me?". Those are mysteries.

Why can we accept mystery? Because God works all things for the good of those who love Him. He is radically beyond us in wisdom and justice, and yet He has become radically intimate with us through Christ.

So yeah. Mystery. Probably a good thing for us Westerners to remember.

As always, (non-anonymous) comments are welcome.

Peace,
Sam

for a ruthless critcism of everything existing

2006-10-02T22:56:00.000-05:00

Today i read an essay of Marx by that title. Naturally, i enjoyed it. Here are some of my favorite parts:

"But if the designing of the future and the proclamation of ready-made solutions for all time is not our affair, then we realize all the more clearly what we have to accomplish in the present - I am speaking of a ruthless criticism of everything existing, ruthless in two senses: The criticism must not be afraid of its own conclusions, nor of conflict with the powers that be."

"We do not want to say to the world: 'Stop fighting; your struggle is of no account. We want to shout the true slogan of the struggle at you.' We only show the world what it is fighting for, and consciousness is something that the world must acquire, like it or not."

"So, we can express the trend of our journal in one word: the work of our time is to clarify to itself (critical philosophy) the meaning of its own struggle and its own desires. This is work for the world and for us. It can only be the work of joint forces. It is a matter of confession, no more. To have its sins forgiven mankind has only to declare them to be what they really are."

Good old Marx. Tonight was a fascinating lecture at the CSC by professors of astronomy and economics on how religion interacts with their scholarship and teaching. Very enjoyable, with, of course, good discussion at the Copper Monkey afterwards.

JT passed this along to me. It is, perhaps, the greatest thing ever composed by Sufjan.

The various tests and readings have gone pretty well...lots more ahead, though.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. Hopefully soon I will rant about the state of Liberal Arts in the University, a la Sommerville via UF's budget crisis.

send your name from my lips like a signal flare

2006-10-01T20:31:00.000-05:00

i'm sitting here listening to the mountain goats. they are quite fantastic. i may go see them with devon in november.

i have a french test tomorrow and came across this poem in my textbook. i really like it. here is my attempt to translate from the french:

"breakfast"

he put coffee
in the cup
he put milk
in the cup of coffee
he put sugar
in the café au lait
with a little spoon
he turned
he drank the café au lait
and he put down the cup
without speaking to me
he lit
a cigarette
he made circles
with the smoke
he put the cinders
in the ash tray
without speaking to me
without looking at me
he rose
he put
his hat on his head
he put on
his rain coat
because it was raining
and he left
under the rain
without a word
without looking at me
and i, i put
my head in my hands
and i cried.

- jacques prévert

i just love the rhythm of the poem, especially the last stanza. the staccato, the short phrasing - you can almost feel the awkward silences of this meeting.

i got back on fbook for a while solely to promote my blog. i hate - loathe - the news feed, though. it is a monstrosity. and apparently anyone can join now. ugh. we'll see how long this lasts. no one was reading my blog, though, except for a few regulars.

i've been immersed in marx lately. and i'm trying to read american jesus by thursday. wish me luck.

peace,
sam

Sunday = Happiness

2006-09-24T18:24:00.000-05:00

This was a good day. I went back to the Greek Orthodox Church. The priest wasn't there, so there was no liturgy, but it was still nice. A few of us went to the 43rd Street Deli - the real one. Delicious. I had a really good conversation with the guy who took me to church about language. He's a linguistics grad student who has lived in Russia and South Korea.

Since I was in the mood, I determined that I would explore various language things. I'm so addicted. In addition to studying French, I'm currently dabbling in Italian, German, Spanish, and Chinese. Yes, I have officially begun my studies of Chinese - and by "begun," I mean that I am doing a tiny bit as often as possible. Soon I will be able to say such lofty phrases as "Hello" and "How are you?" I was practicing the tones today. I love it - it's like a three-dimensional language.

Being the nerd that I am, I discovered these wonderful sites:

Chinese Tones
Chinese Characters (This site is absolutely amazing.)
BBC: Real Chinese
ChinesePod
Study Spanish

Mmmm, language...

Then I got to spend time with the amazing Rachel, who has recently returned from Spain. It was so nice to catch up with her. I missed her a lot.

After that, Alan and I made some dinner and watched some Lost. By the time we were done, the music team had showed up for practice. It was a good time. Now I'm just getting ready for bed.

Nothing too exciting, but a lovely Sunday. I have a crazy week ahead, though...

Peace,
Sam

Who would have guessed?

2006-09-23T21:02:00.000-05:00

"The essence of what the prophets call 'idolatry' is not that man worships many gods instead of only one. It is that idols are the work of man's own hands - they are things, and man bows down and worships things; worships that which he has created himself. In doing so he transforms himself into a thing. He transfers to the things of his creation the attributes of his own life, and instead of experiencing himself as the creating person, he is in touch with himself only by the worship of the idol. He has become enstranged from his own life forces, from the wealth of his own potentialities, and is in touch with himself only in the indirect way of submission to life frozen in the idols.

The more man transfers his own powers to the idols, the poorer he himself becomes, and the more dependent on the idols, so that they permit him to redeem a small part of what was originally his...Idolatry is always the worship of something into which man has put his own creative powers, and to which he now submits, instead of experiencing himself in his creative act.

They are man's creations; they are valuable aids for life, yet each one of them is also a trap, a temptation to confuse life with things, experience with artifacts, feeling with surrender and submission."

- Erich Fromm, "Alienation," in Marx's Concept of Man

I never knew Marxists knew so much about me.

Peace,
Sam

Looters' Follies

2006-09-22T08:34:00.000-05:00

You can huff and you can puff but you'll never destroy that stuff.
Finally, I see why, I suppose...
Kid, you better change your feathers cause you'll never fly with those things...

In These Nights... The boys sing - "Hello, emptiness! I heard you're alright.
I heard you're alright.
I've heard of you..."

A body aching, fragile, and pale: dark valleys house its trail.
Why can't you see that a life in art and a life of mimicry -
it's the same thing!?!

The room was crowded, and though you couldn't care less about it,
That much was true.
That month - another version of this miniature Rome to set fire to.
Why did we stop f*cking around?
Girls like gazelles graze.
Boys wearing bells blaze new trails in sound.

I looked up.
I looked around.
A famous Toronto painter shot me down.
"Oh, I've busted my ass on these streets too long," he said.
I set fire to the bed and tore his gown...

Felt some mercurial presence, hitherto unknown.
It was the sun. It was a stone falling through blank space.
It was that jewel-encrusted roan getting in my face.
Looked across the way to The Princess Rooms.
I saw brides and their grooms.
I heard the sound of bells ringing!

Cinders look back fondly upon a house on fire when across
an ocean we go.
We row and we row and we tire.
Now, step out of the darkness and into the light.
Yeah, it's common knowledge I've been doing alright.
No, I can't complain.
On the Eastside, midwives' lives go down the drain all cause our babies are dying...

I lifted the veil to see nature's trickery revealed as pure sh*t
from which nothing ever rose cause nothing ever could.

I swear somewhere the truth lies within this wood.

I swear, Looters' Follies has never sounded so good.

And, win or lose - what's the difference?

- Destroyer

Come on, feel the Illinoise!

2006-09-21T10:39:00.001-05:00

Oh. My. Gosh.

I just had the craziest 24 hours I've had in quite a long time. And keep in mind, this is coming from a guy who said, "I think I'll go to Chicago" one weekend and ended up hanging out with Emily.

Around 11:30 am yesterday, Chris, Sarah, and I began a trek to Atlanta to see Sufjan Stevens - by far my favorite American musician. The trip went smoothly, and was filled with shady gas stations, lots of pictures, assorted indie and classic rock music, beef jerky, bottled frappucinos, and laughter. We got to Atlanta somewhere around 4:30 or 5, and drove around for a bit. We ended up eating at the infamous Varsity, thanks to the directions of Chris Gerrard. Chris and Sarah weren't impressed, but I had a good time. I mean, come on, the frosted orange is delicious. We did get hats, though, and we marvelled at the doorless stalls in the bathrooms. Sarah asked this one woman to take a picture of the three of us, and the woman said something like, "Oh, I thought you were going to ask me for a donation or something, and I was like, 'Eww!'"

So then we parked somewhere near The Fox and met up with Chris' friends from RUB. We wandered to a sub shop and hung around for a while. At some point, both Kathleen and JT stopped by to say hello. What a crazy thought - Kathleen, Chris, JT and his crew, RUB folks, Sarah, and me all together at a sub shop in Atlanta. On a Wednesday.

At some point we did more wandering around, and we met up with Emily's sister Megan. That was so much fun, and it was fitting, you know, since I had met Emily's cousins in Illinois. I mean, why would I meet Emily's family members in Florida? That's just lame. We grabbed some coffee and then headed to the show.

I can't even begin to express how amazing this concert was. My Brightest Diamond was, by far, the best opening act I've ever seen. Sufjan came out with about 14 other people - a string section, a brass section, a percussionist, guitarist, bassist, and someone playing a celeste. Sufjan himself alternated between piano, guitar, and banjo.

Despite some sound problems that got resolved eventually, I think he played the perfect set: Sister, The Lord God Bird, Detroit, Casimir Pulaski Day, John Wayne Gacy Jr., Abraham, Palisades, "Majesty, Snowbird" (a new song), Jacksonville, A Good Man is Hard to Find (hooray for Flannery O'Connor!), Seven Swans, The Transfiguration, Chicago, Romulus, That Dress Looks Nice On You.

The range of emotion at this concert was just incredible. Casimir Pulaski Day and John Wayne Gacy were poignant and sad, Palisades built up into a wall of sound that engulfed everyone, and Chicago was like a large scale celebration of one of my new favorite cities. His new song was pure genius, and about 10 minutes long. Romulus was just him on piano, and That Dress Looks Nice On You was a very low-key acoustic performance.

Amazing.

Did I mention that the band was dressed as butterflies, and Sufjan was dressed like a bird? Seriously. They had wings and masks.

We got back to Gainesville around 4:30 am. The ride home was filled with Dark Side of the Moon, Parachutes, Furthermore, Why Should the Fire Die?, and attempts to sleep and/or keep Chris awake.

What a crazy day. So much fun.

Hopefully I can get some sleep and attempt to catch up on my work. I have a paper and exam coming up. Yikes.

Peace,
Sam

"Peace between the ears. That's why I come."

2006-09-17T12:36:00.000-05:00

Today I had to begin an assignment for my Religion junior seminar. It consists of attending a religious ritual, talking to people who attended, and then writing a paper. I originally wanted to go to a mosque, but the best time to go was during class on Fridays. I decided, instead, to go to a Greek Orthodox church. That's been on my agenda for a long time, so this paper was a nice reason to go.

When you walk into the temple, which is shaped like a cross, you immediately leave the material world and enter into a more transcendent place. There are icons in the front and back, candles being lit, and the faint smell of incense.

The liturgy is very engaging, very participatory. It alternates between Greek and English (at this particular parish), which gives it a bit of an otherworldly feeling. One of my favorite lines, which is said often in the liturgy, is: "Let us commit ourselves and one another, and our whole life to Christ our God."

The whole liturgy is building up towards the Eucharist, the mystery of the body and blood of Christ. Several people I talked to said that this was the purpose of the Sunday morning experience (I was cautioned by several people not to call it a service). "It's a celebration of the resurrection," said a few people, and the celebration has its climax during Holy Communion.

I talked to a few people about what their faith expressed on Sunday mornings mean to them. Most could not give me an answer. One person said it best: "If I could explain to you what it means to me, then it would be worthless." Another man gave it his best shot, though. He had grown up in the Orthodox church, and eventually made it his own faith. He said that what kept him coming back was the feeling of peace - "not peace in the world, peace between the ears" - that he felt.

There seems, in Orthodoxy, to be a continual theme of the sacred permeating life, but not mixing with it. "Orthodoxy never stops," said one man. Prayers, fasting, and vespers (a service in the middle of the week) all contribute to the constant devotion to the sacred that culminates on Sunday mornings with the Eucharist, union with Christ. Do Protestants feel like this? There's been a lot of talk over the past few years in American Protestant Christianity about not being a "Sunday morning Christian," about "Jesus wanting all of our life," about "God not being put in a box." But what does that actually mean in a tangible sense to a Protestant? To an Orthodox Christian, it means tangible, real things - like a prayer rope, or the smell of incense, or an icon. What do we Protestants have?

I enjoyed going, and I enjoyed talking to people. I'd like to make this a habit - going to different religious experiences and talking to people about them. It always helps me learn a bit more about myself, about my religion.

Recently I've been feeling like my personal faith is too rational. It's too intellectual. This, I suppose, springs from Presbyterianism being quite rational and intellectual. What I specifically mean is that I rarely feel like anything is sacred. Evangelical Protestantism tries it's best to affirm the value of all parts of life. It attempts to blur the lines between the sacred and profane (profane meaning secular, not religious) so that we see that all of life is sacred in some way. All things were created by God, therefore all things have some element of sacredness. "The holiness of the ordinary," as Walker Percy (a Catholic) once said. I fear, though, that in doing this we've actually lost any grasp of the sacred. The lines have blurred too much, and the profane has penetrated too deeply into the lives of American Protestants.

There is a part of the Divine Liturgy of Orthodoxy that says that we ought to lay aside the cares of this world. One man told me this is when he feels like he moves into the sacred. He feels that we have entered a different world, one where supernatural beings reside. Indeed, I felt like time had stopped, like I was hidden away in a new world.

How can I feel like I'm in a different world when I go to a church that meets in an elementary school? How can I feel like I'm in a different world when a laptop has to be used to run the service?

Thoughts?

Sam

mmm books

2006-09-15T20:21:00.000-05:00

First of all, today is Tony's birthday. I'm so glad this guy was born. You all don't even know.

Anyway.

There are few things more enjoyable in life for me than a recently acquired book. This means that today was splendid in that regard, as the following books arrived at my door:

American Jesus: How the Son of God Became a National Icon
The Beloved Community: How Faith Shapes Social Justice, from the Civil Rights Movement to Today
Bobos In Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There
Habits of the Heart: Individualism and Commitment in American Life
The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth
Devil and Commodity Fetishism in South America
The Sacred and The Profane: The Nature of Religion
Body of Power, Spirit of Resistance: The Culture and History of a South African People

Some time in the next few days these two should be coming:

The Future of an Illusion
Making of the English Working Class

I'm not going to bother to link all of those, but if you want to know more about any of them, just ask.

Consider this: by the end of the semester, I will have read all of those. Yikes. Only American Jesus and Bobos in Paradise are pleasure reading (for the CSC reading groups).

I'm also reading Sommerville's latest book, The Decline of the Secular University. It's very insightful.

I love books and I love reading. Sometimes too much. The beginning of the semester is so exciting for me because I have an excuse to buy more books (which is normally a no-no for someone like me who already has way too many).

I guess thats all for now. I have a lot of reading to do this weekend. I'm also going to a Greek Orthodox service in order to write a paper for one of my classes. I'm sure I'll be blogging about it.

Peace,
Sam

is it true looks can kill?

2006-09-12T22:11:00.000-05:00

"Tell me where it all went wrong
Maybe I can make it better
Tell me where it all went wrong
Don’t you know that you really upset her
When you act like a man who is cross with every woman he’s never had
If it’s true looks could kill and you will be the first to make me mad
Then you’ll have to go

Is this the kind of fate you could contemplate
A breakdown at my very sight
I promise hidden words of tenderness in every single line that I write
Still you act like a man who is cross with every woman he’s never had
If it’s true looks could kill and you will be the first to make me mad
Then you’ll have to go
Maybe you’ll have to go

Is it true looks can kill?"

- Camera Obscura, "If Looks Could Kill"

I feel like Tracyanne Campbell (singer) could have written this song to me, for reasons that I will leave out of the blogging world.

They were in Chicago the night before Pitchfork. I was so close to seeing them.

Today was alright. The highlight was having Krishna Lunch with my friend Devon. She was tabling with FACE (Feminist Activists Creating Equality), so we ate there. It was pretty fun hanging out with them. I like talking to people from radical organizations. It makes me feel like a revolutionary.

CSN meeting tomorrow. I'll keep you updated.

Peace,
Sam

Self-Titled

2006-09-09T21:26:00.000-05:00

"I [am] bound in spiritual longing by the romanticism of revolution. I am inspired by it. I am fascinated by it. I am completely absorbed by it. I am crazed, I am obsessed by the romanticism of the revolution." - Sukarno, 1960

The desire for revolution is one of the few things I can still feel these days.

"It's like 80 proof wisdom."

2006-09-07T18:01:00.000-05:00

This title is courtesy of the one and only Charlie. He was talking about Thomas Merton's book No Man Is an Island. Tyler has convinced a few of us to have an informal reading group for it. I've just finished chapter one, and I agree with Charlie. Merton is like a shot of rum for the spirit, especially because you don't realize the full effects until you've closed the book after a reading.

Speaking of interesting books, I'm reading one called Islam Observed: Religious Development in Morocco and Indonesia for my Religion & Social Change class. It's really, really good. Here is one of my favorite passages:

"Religious faith, even when it is fed from a common source, is as much a particularizing force as a generalizing one, and indeed whatever universality a given religous tradition manages to attain arises from its ability to engage a widening set of individual, even idiosyncratic, conceptions of life and yet somehow sustain and elaborate them all.

When it succeeds in this, the result may indeed as often be the distortion of these personal visions as their enrichment, but in any case, whether deforming private faiths or perfecting them, the tradition usually prospers. When it fails, however, to come genuinely to grips with them at all, it either hardens into scholasticism, evaporates into idealism, or fades into eclecticism; that is to say, it ceases, except as a fossil, a shadow, or a shell, really to exist."

- Clifford Geertz, Islam Observed

Feel free to provide your thoughts.

I've determined that college students use under 20 adjectives regularly. So, grab a thesaurus and join me in at least finding words to use instead of random, intense, cool, interesting, and ridiculous.

So far, I've come up with unplanned, arbitrary, casual, chance, erratic, accidental, extreme, acute, fierce, potent, extraordinary, chic, trendy, sophisticated, absorbing, engrossing, fascinating, riveting, gripping, compelling, captivating, engaging, enthralling, stimulating, thought-provoking, intriguing, laughable, comical, absurd, hilarious, risible, farcical, ludicrous, and droll.

I had better go catch a bus home.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. We had a brief but productive CSN meeting today. Progress is being made every day.

(Not) Laboring Days

2006-09-03T20:06:00.000-05:00

"I am not on a mission to add happy icing to the cake of your decision for Christ." - John Piper

Isn't that an awesome quote?

I had a really cool weekend. Saturday was the game, which wasn't fantastic, but it was the first game of the season. Go Gators. Sunday I attended St. Andrew's and had a very, very good experience there (more details in person).

I am feeling infinitely better. I'm sure it's not the end of my problems, but I am thankful for the relief, regardless of how long it lasts.

Last night a couple of friends came over for dinner, then came back later for some serious hanging out. They stayed all night. The funny part was that we just sat around and talked after watching a couple of movies. It wasn't anything fancy, but it sure was fun.

Today we bought a washer and dryer. I am so excited; they get here tomorrow. I can finally wash my clothes.

JT came over today to practice. We are (hopefully) playing at Engage 2006. If you don't know about this event, you need to:

Name: Engage 2006
What: A tabling fair for Christian ministries oriented towards service.
What Else: There are a few musical acts performing, including (cross your fingers) myself with my good friend JT.
Who: Tons of people. It's sponsored by Christians Concerned for the Community. Lots of great ministries will be there. Rumor has it CSN might make a guest appearance (but that's for you find out for sure).
Who Else: YOU and all your friends.
Where: The Christian Study Center (Off W. University on 16th St.)
When: Friday, Sept. 8, 7 pm -10 pm.

Hope to see you all there.

Peace,
Sam

Thoughts on Myself

2006-09-03T07:14:00.000-05:00

I think I ought to fill in everyone on some things that are going on with me that I don't understand.

Many of you may know that I struggle with depression, hopelessness, despair, discouragement, etc. I've dealt with those things in some form for as long as I can remember. I can remember being depressed in elementary school, depressed in middle school, depressed in high school. In college things got worse. Hopelessness and despair decided to hang out with me, and discouragement carpooled with them.

In the past few months, things have again gotten worse. Much worse. I'm not sure what's going on, but the frequency and intensity of these battles have increased dramatically. Most people just keep asking me, "What do you have to be sad about?" Or they try to point out all the great things that are going on with me. This isn't a circumstantial problem, though. That's what's so dangerous and mysterious about it. This is an entire state of being - a separate personality (though not in a clinical sense) - that takes me over. I know that I have a wonderful life. My needs are provided, my family loves me, I go to college. I have good friends. I have a God who loves me. I believe all of that (most of the time).

But that's not the issue. I gave up on the whole "I hate my life" thing early in high school, when a friend of mine told me about his parents' divorce and all the pain it had caused. That's only been confirmed as I've studied human rights abuses, poverty, famine, and plague.

So here's what I've noticed. Things that I enjoy are slowly diminishing in number. Even playing the djembe has stopped providing pleasure for me. Spending time with friends has started to become less and less enjoyable and more anxiety-producing. I don't know why. I don't love my friends any less. In fact, I have come to love them more due to my summer research experience. But I've noticed that once I get around a group of more than five people, I flip out. If I can escape, I do. If I can't, I try to summon as much energy and humor as I can to hold on until it's over. Then my psyche reacts to that massive effort by settling into intense anxiety, alienation, and despair.

I've also become aware of funky things with my memory. I have had a hard time remembering things I've said or done unless something was extremely emotionally intense. I've also recently started to have difficulty remembering emotional responses to things or people. I can't really remember if I enjoyed something yesterday. I can't remember the intensity of being offended a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure why this is. The power of the depression is like a blanket that keeps smothering the flames of my emotions.

This means that the main emotion I remember on a daily basis is intense sadness. It also means that I don't trust my memory anymore. Don't get me wrong - I have a powerful memory. I can remember details and major concepts for a long time. What I've noticed, though, is that when I try to recall events or feelings that involve myself, my memory just stares right back at me blankly. I've had several friends tell me something I've said or done that's offended them or made them happy and I can't remember it at all. Once they remind me, I can perhaps remember a snapshot, but nothing more.

I'm not saying any of this to make anyone pity me. I don't need pity. I'm just hoping that this will help explain (not excuse) behavior you may have noticed in the past couple of years (and particularly the past few months). And who knows, maybe someone out there is feeling something similar.

Also, I typically don't need advice. I've been dealing with depression and it's buddies for about 15 years (seriously, I can remember these feelings as a little kid). I've read books, I've listened to sermons, I've changed my diet five times, I've experimented with sleep. I know just about every approach to these things. A lot of them work for a short period of time. Inevitably, though, I lose the battle.

There's a whole lot more that I could say on this subject, particularly from a more personally spiritual side. But I'll leave that outside of the public domain. Just ask.

Also: yes, I have given up on facebook and aim for a period of time. I typically do this during the school year in order to save my productivity from being completely lost. Have no fear, the phone is near.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. More CSN updates soon.
P.P.S. John Piper's site has gotten a major facelift. They've put up 25 years worth of audio, video, and text that's available for free. It's amazing.
P.P.P.S. Derek Webb is a genius. He's offering his entire new album for free here.

Weberian Wisdom

2006-08-30T23:03:00.000-05:00

"The people filled with the spirit of capitalism today tend to be indifferent, if not hostile, to the Church. The thought of the pious boredom of paradise has little attraction for their active natures; religion appears to them as a means of drawing people away from labour in this world.

If you ask them what is the meaning of their restless activity, why they are never satisfied with what they have, they would perhaps give an answer, if they know any at all: 'to provide for my children and grandchildren.' But more often and, since that motive is not peculiar to them, but was just as effective for the traditionalist, more correctly, simply: that business with its continuous work has become a necessary part of their lives. That is in fact the only possible motivation, but it at the same time expresses what is, seen from the view-point of personal happiness, so irrational about this sort of life, where a man exists for the sake of his business, instead of the reverse."

- Max Weber, The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism

This is going to be a good semester.

We had another CSN meeting today. The goal gets closer every day.

Peace,
Sam

The Past Few Days

2006-08-26T16:45:00.000-05:00

Well, the first week is over. It's been pretty crazy. Thursday had some pretty amusing moments. For example, I went to a class that I thought was Medieval Studies but was actually 19th Century Europe. The funnier part was that for some reason I was actually registered for 19th Century Europe instead of Medieval Studies. How did that happen?

I also had an amusing French experience. I went to FRE 2420 (Second Year French Conversation) and the professor had us do more introductions. This time, though, she asked us questions (in French, naturally). The jig was up. She started asking me why I am a religion major and if I'm religious. I had nothing to say - I just sat there blinking at her and saying, "Quoi?" It was pretty awesome, especially since I didn't think to just respond in English to show I understood.

I took the SAT II on Thursday and I did alright. I placed into "Preparation for Intermediate French," for which I have now successfully registered. I'm still pretty worried about it. My ability to render French is so much weaker than my ability to read it. Oh well.

Friday consisted in going to various classes and getting my cell phone operational again. I have such a love-hate relationship with those things. However, then I went with Alan to the RUF party at Steven & Co.'s place. It was pretty fun, but too many people for my taste. They did have some excellent food, though.

I slept in today, talked to Mom for a while, and then went to a barbeque Matt was having. It was a lot of fun; lots of great food and people. I got to meet a lot of people that I heard about for months and have some very thought-provoking conversations.

Tonight I may be having coffee with some SE friends and then heading to a party. Should be fun.

I'm not in a very insightful mood right now. I did have some interesting conversations over the past few days, but I'm still digesting them and figuring out what to think about them. Hopefully you'll hear more from me soon.

I've really been enjoying The Mountain Goats recently. They just came out with a new album and it's very enjoyable. I've also just downloaded the new album by My Brightest Diamond. I'm excited.

I have some serious textbook purchasing, calendar updating, and iPod overhauling to do.

Peace,
Sam

Quoi?

2006-08-23T20:06:00.000-05:00

So today was perhaps the craziest first day of school I've experienced. However, before I delve into that, I have to promote Little Miss Sunshine. It's a great movie, and I saw it with several of my favorite people. I haven't laughed that hard in a theater since Napoleon Dynamite. But it's not primarily a comedy - it has a great plot. I even cried at one part. I'll leave it to you to figure out which one. So, go see it and then talk to me about it.

Okay, so Day 1 of fall semester. I woke up around 8:30, had breakfast, took a shower, and headed to campus. It took about 20 minutes to get there by bus. I walked over to the RUF table in Turlington to hang there for a few minutes with some of the RUF crew. Then I walked with Will H. over to Matherly to sit in on a Chinese class. That was a fun experience - particularly when I had to take a placement test and left the entire thing blank. I would absolutely love to take Chinese. Why? For several reasons: I love China, I love missions to East Asia, it's the most spoken language in the world, and China is going to be the one of the most influential countries in the world very soon. Hopefully I can switch into a section that works with my schedule. We'll see.

After Chinese I met up with Chris, Sean, and Emily. Chris, Sean, and I had some good old fashioned Krishna Lunch (regrettably, Emily did not join in the fun). All was right with the world at that moment -- except that we were caught in the middle of a freaking monsoon. From there I headed to the CSC to hang out with Pat Sell. What a guy. We had a great conversation.

I traveled in the monsoon to Matherly, where I went to a Medieval Latin class. I don't know whether I'm going to take this one either. The first few weeks sound pretty interesting, but after that...I don't know. However, my friend Katie (who rocks my socks off) is in it, so I may be persuaded to stay. I just don't know.

After Latin, I headed to Anderson to sit in on a French class - FRE 2200 I might add (NOT FRE 1130). This was the most humorous part of my day. I walked in and realized that the entire class would be in French. I will say, proudly, that I understood about 30% of it - at least enough to know what was going on (which was just explaining the syllabus and such). Then she started having people introduce themselves. At first it was just voluntary, but then the professor decided to have everyone do it. So it gets to me. I blink a little bit, think, "Pull yourself together man" and bust out with "Je m'appelle Sam. C'est mon troisiemme anée. Mon...(insert professor helping me)...specialization est religion." It was pretty funny, but I think I pulled it off. However, she then had an activity for us all to do. You know the type: everyone has to get up and find a person who has done something on this list that she gives everyone (gone to a French country this summer, took a French class this summer, etc.). I could read everything on the sheet, but the jig was up whenever some happy girl would bounce up to me and say, "Bonjour! Avez-vous...?" I would have to lean in and mutter, "I...can't...speak...French...." But I left with a smile on my face. Tomorrow I'm going to take the SAT II and try to place into some sort of class.

So then I walked to Little and attended a linguistics class. This was extremely interesting, but I don't think I'm going to be able to take it. Then it was time to begin the trek home. And I do mean trek. For starters, I waited a good 20 minutes under Little until the torrent of rain eased up. Then I walked to the Hub and got on the bus. Little did I know what was in store.

The bus ride took an hour. Seriously. An hour. On the bright side, I made a new friend. Her name is Jessica. She is cool. I somehow managed to invite her to both RUF and Krishna Lunch in the course of our conversation. It was fun.

I stopped at the apartment to eat some dinner, then Chris and I went to Bagel Bakery to see our friend Melissa (who records with Justice Road) and the infamous Mo Leverett from Desire Street Ministries do an acoustic show. It was great. Melissa is such an amazing musician (and an amazing woman, for that matter). I was sad she didn't get to play piano/keyboard, though. Oh, and of course Mo was awesome.

So that was the first day. Pretty fun. I need to do some serious schedule altering, though. Pray/think happy thoughts that things would work out. I may be dropping the history minor - I am pretty in love with languages and feel like I need to invest more time and energy into them (Chinese and French in particular).

Oh, and here's a CSN update for those interested: Chris, Matt, and I met up yesterday for several hours and hammered out lots of details, content, and logistical things. It's starting to really look good. I'm excited. We're going to meet again soon.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. Does anyone else feel like there is a Rachel-shaped hole in their heart? She really needs to be in Gainesville. Bah.

paul & renoir

2006-08-20T13:04:00.000-05:00

The past few days have been a blur. I did a lot of unpacking, so I finally feel moved in. The apartment is really nice. So far I'm enjoying living off campus.

Yesterday I hung out with my friend Devon. She's a delight. We went grocery shopping at Mother Earth on 13th, then went back to her apartment to make some pasta and salad. It was delicious. We also shared the stories of our summers. She did a lot of road tripping with her family and then did a study abroad program in Mexico. Very exciting.

I had a very interesting experience when she took me home. Only the windshield wiper on the driver's side is functional on her car, so I rode the entire way watching the rain make patterns of color on the windshield. It was like driving through a world composed of impressionist paintings, not unlike those I saw in Chicago. Traffic lights were especially cool, as the greens and reds would literally flood the windshield as we approached them and then vanish when we passed. It was beautiful.

It's the little things, you know?

It reminded me of that verse where Paul says that we see dimly like in a mirror. The world is just an impressionist painting compared to redemption. One day we'll see clearly, but for now we're just riding in a car with a broken windshield wiper, trying to piece together reality from blurs of color.

After Devon dropped me off, Ryan came over for a while. It was so good to see him and catch up. It's going to be good having him in Gainesville, even though he won't be on campus anymore.

Tonight is some sort of RUF Leadership thing. I'm going even though I'm not "officially" on leadership. Should be interesting.

Peace,
Sam

Back in the Ville

2006-08-18T21:20:00.000-05:00

So I'm back in Gainesville. It's been great. I'm trying to write this blog with the sliver of battery power I have left.

The apartment is fantastic. Last night we had a few people over and caught up. Today some friends of Alan's from Jax came over. We joined Steven, Brandon, and Chris and attempted to go to a river, but aborted when it started to rain. We ended up at Steven & Co.'s apartment for a while. Then we all went out to Chopstix (adding Sean, Steve M., and Pat Sell to the mix), which was delicious. It was good to be back. I love those guys.

That's all for now - these few days will just consist in unpacking and reuniting. Oh yeah, and then school starts. Whatever.

Peace,
Sam

Last Night in Orlando

2006-08-17T00:06:00.000-05:00

I'm too tired to write much right now, but it would be a shame to not post on this last night in Orlando.

I spent a good amount of time tonight with lots of friends, old and new. I love them all.

More from me from Gainesville, I promise.

Peace,
Sam

A Blog Post with a Witty, "Random" Title

2006-08-13T00:02:00.000-05:00

Today was a very bizarre but good day. While running errands, I bumped into several old friends from middle school and ended up eating a late lunch with them at Five Guys. Wow, what a fun time. I hadn't seen most of them in ages.

I later ended up at Starbucks with several friends, where Alex was confused for Jonathan twice in one night and Mara's older brother was sitting within 3 feet from her for a solid half hour before we noticed.

Sorry for the stretch of uninteresting posts. I've just been lazing around these days. Once school starts, things will pick up.

In other news, Matt is home from camp, which hopefully means more reading material in the near future.

Unfortunately, that's all I have for you. You should probably just go listen to an episode of This American Life or something.

Peace,
Sam

super furry animals

2006-08-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

I'm going to leave it to you to decipher that one.

Today was an excellent day. Not only did I get some laundry done while talking with the Housworth (yes "the" Housworth) online and listening to NPR, but I then met up with Steven for lunch. Correction: Steven the Warrior. He is back from Kenya, and we had a most enjoyable discussion about missions, life, growing up, and Gator football. It was great.

Then I picked up JT. We spent a bit of time at a McDonalds (shudder), which was transformed into a good experience due to the conversation and the company. After finishing up there, we headed to my house to make some music. It was yet another successful time. JT and I have spent a great deal of time together this week and it's been very good. I am really grateful for his friendship.

To top off the day, Sarah (the sister, as the Ruff is not anywhere nearby these days) and I went on another quest for coffee and/or desert. We started our journey at (shameless plug ahead) Primo Bean, which is down by Gators Dockside on Dr. Phillips (take note, Orlando folks). They had just gotten rid of their drip coffee (it was closing time), but we were able to snag some delicious gelato. Man oh man. It was good. Apparently they have food in the day time, too. And the owners are very nice. I will be going there soon to try their coffee. Of course, then I will bug them about going Fair Trade.

We needed coffee, though, so we ended up at the Barnes & Noble Starbucks-type-thing. It was pretty good, but I'm missing Sweetwater like crazy. Anyway, it was great to spend some time with the sister.

So that's all for now. I'm sure I could come up with something more interesting to talk about, but right now I'm relishing the last days of summer.

Peace,
Sam

we're not scaremongering

2006-08-10T12:23:00.000-05:00

So, unless you've been living in a cave, you'll know that there has been another plot uncovered. This time, unlike the ridiculous Sears Tower scare, it actually looks real.

Unfortunately, the mass media and the government are having a field day exploiting the fear of the people. And, conveniently, this will most definitely be used to bolster midterm elections. And, conveniently, coverage of Lebanon is difficult to find today.

And have you noticed how the mass media still goes nuts AFTER the threats have been taken care of?

Mass hysteria. I'm pretty sure that's what everyone wants around here. I'm not saying this wasn't a real threat - in fact, I'm pretty convinced it was (which is rare for me these days) - I'm just saying that I feel like we're in the middle of a fable called "The Country Who Cried Wolf." It was originally titled "How to Keep Citizens Paralyzed by Fear," but the publisher didn't like it.

Bush also made the tremendous blunder of using the term "Islamic fascists" in a recent speech. Good news - you can now be considered a threat due to yor religion AND your political views!

In other news, "WTF, China?"

Chinese officials plan to slaughter more than half a million dogs.

Also, as an update to my rant on corporate ownership of online friend sites, I was wrong about MySpace. It's owned by News Corp. now, but you know them better as Fox. You can see the full ownership of this giant here. It's only a matter of time for Fbook. Check this out.

I also shudder at this line from here (which is apparently impossible to link to):

"IPG will also be able to use the site as a data mine for trends in youth consumer habits, by conducting market research on the site."

Pray/think happy thoughts for Tony and his family, as they will attempt to fly home from across the pond on Sunday.

Oh, and don't think that just because the summer is coming to a close that I won't continue to rant on this blog during the year! I'll be posting quite regularly.

Peace (and I do mean peace),
Sam
P.S.

Back in Orlando

2006-08-08T11:30:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been a few days. I'm back in Orlando, where I no longer have constant internet at the tips of my fingers (which is probably a good thing).

I got home safe and sound on Saturday night. After showering and changing clothes, Jenn picked me up and we went to Starbucks for a while. That was lovely, and eventually JT, Mike, and Jonathan showed up. Jenn left sometime after 11, but the rest of us sat outside of Starbucks for a solid two hours talking about theology and politics.

JT and I have resolved to hang out more and play more music together for the umpteenth time, but this time we feel like it's really going to happen. Yesterday we grabbed some lunch and then he came over to jam for a few hours. We're going to collaborate on a few songs.

Technology annoyance #1342: the fact that I can accidentally click on a variety of things on my screen and launch an application by accident or completely lose an email or message.

I also realized that fbook has gone completely corporate, and it's bothering me to no end. There are tons of advertisements now, and they want your birthday "for safety reasons." Whatever. And have you seen the "back to school" section? It's sponsored by Wal*Mart, Bank of America, and a host of other massive corporations. The section is just a host of advertisements. I don't know how much more I can take. Fbook used to be a way for college kids to stay in touch, not a massive advertising and marketing research dream for retail stores:

Can't I message a friend from elementary school without being worried about corporate tools writing down the fact that I listen to Devendra Banhart? I just picture a bunch of 45-year old white men sitting around discussing the "Facebook phenomenon" and how to take advantage of it to gather information about "all those hip youngsters."

I'm sure they're selling all kinds of information. How else can they continue to operate? MySpace got out by Verizon. I'm sure Facebook will be next, at which time I will deactivate my account forever. The only corporation that can make me their pawn is Apple, which is why I'm currently watching a keynote from their latest conference.

Peace,
Sam

The Last Day & Sam as a Berry Wannabe

2006-08-04T14:20:00.000-05:00

So today was the last day here at Notre Dame. I took my French exam, which went well, and then went to mass at the Basilica. I also ate lunch at Greenfield's as a celebration. Then I kept on packing.

I've been thinking recently about how technology inhibits us (or at least me) from real life. Examples:

• Addictions to various web sites (fbook, YouTube) or services (AIM). How much time have I spent online that I could have been spending doing something real? I don't mean your average half hour of fbook or AIM time...I'm talking hours and hours a day out of "boredom" (as if there's not always something better to do).

• The frustrations that come with computer mediated communication (this phrase trademarked by masantos). How many times have I had ridiculous misunderstandings due to the lack of the ability to communicate emotion via computer?

• Preoccupation with taking photos instead of just experiencing things. I often wonder how this sort of "phototourism" has affected our memories. Every time I take a photo now I have to wonder whether it's better to be experiencing this memory through the lens of a camera or through my own eyes (irony: I will always experience things through a lens of some kind). This phenomenon decreases the longer I stay in a place. For example, I spent much of the first two days at ND taking pictures, and then I stopped for the remainder of my time here. That way I got photos and memories, instead of one or the other. By the third trip to Chicago, I didn't need to keep taking photos of downtown.

• Preoccupation with sharing and storing photos that leads to hours of tagging, cropping, editing, organizing, and captioning. I'm getting fed up with this one. The more photos I take, the more mind-bogglingly time consuming it is becoming to make sure I can find any photo instantly, share it with the rest of the world (complete with a short description of the events depicted), and make sure the lighting and coloring is just right.

• Obsession with acquiring music via computer. MP3s/MP4s/etc. are dirt cheap compared to buying CDs or vinyl now. Monthly subscription services like eMusic, stores like iTunes, and various other sites can cause me to spend hours and hours acquiring new music. What I fail to realize is that I then must listen to said music. In the past 6 months, I've legally acquired about 3 days' worth of music -- that's 72 hours! Can you imagine me listening to music for three days straight?

• This then fuels the iPod addiction. I purposefully left my iPod at home when I went to Chicago last weekend, and I had some very interesting experiences. I left it precisely because I noticed my fear of boredom. So for all of last weekend, I rode trains and busses and walked for miles without any musical stimulation. Guess what happened? I talked to strangers. I noticed the sounds of the city. I thought. I prayed more than I had in months.

• The fact that I have to constantly keep track of these things. In addition to having to worry that my PowerBook is safely locked inside of my room, I have to make sure that my camera (and its memory cards), my cell phone (and its charger), and my iPod (with its various accessories) are all safe and secure. Since I've inherited my dad's borderline obsession with making sure things are secure, I check my pockets and backpack at least 30 times a day to make sure things are in place. I laugh about this a lot, and I've been making steps of progress to change this. When I was in Chicago, something quite humorous happened that will forever impact this quirk of mine. I had my hand in my pocket making sure my train ticket hadn't magically leapt out, when I tripped on the curb (this was somewhere near Randolph St.) and almost fell headlong. Due to the fact that my hand was on my ticket, it flew out of my pocket and onto the street. The irony was beautiful.

• The discouraging wealth of information online that causes me to be constantly discontent with my education. Let's face it: Wikipedia and Google have pretty much revolutionized the world (to the point that I don't even have to link them). If you didn't know, Blogger is owned by Google. However, constant access to any body of knowledge I could desire is deadly when combined with what Charlie and I have deemed my "consuming obsession with constant self-improvement." I often wonder what my life would be like if I didn't know that at the click of a button I could have all of China's history in front me. This subject becomes especially frustrating given my reading comprehension from a computer screen is dismal compared to reading print. I thought Podcasts would change this for me, but I currently have 5.7 days' worth of Podcasts on my computer.

The moral of the story: technology is a market. It's built off of discontentment. You'll never share or see enough pictures. You'll never hear the newest music. You'll never read enough on a subject. You'll never have the latest and greatest. You'll never be efficient enough. You'll never be connected enough to your friends or to strangers. You'll never learn enough. You'll never be informed enough.

That's just a sampling. I could go on for hours. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of technology and the wonders of computers. I love the fact that I'm now in touch with friends from elementary school. I love that I can see pictures of my friends in everywhere from Greece to China at the click of a button. I love being able to blog so everyone can keep up with my life, and I love being able to read other peoples' blogs to keep up with their lives. I love how technology has revolutionized music composition (for the most part). I love free sermons and lectures.

But what happened to the days of mistakes in music, of knowing that you may never hear some music again after a concert, of knowing you may never see a place again except in your memories? What happened to just sitting in silence for a train ride? What happened to listening to the same 10 records over and over again?

That's my two electronic cents.

What sparked this post was the fact that I have attempted to upload more pictures for non-fbook people. It was quite a frustrating experience. They aren't tagged or captioned, and for some reason a lot of them got out of order. Oh well. Here they are:

Random Trip to Chicago
Journey to Lake Michigan
Pitchfork: Day One
Pitchfork: Day Two

Sometime soon I hope to post on what Brian Habig has deemed "the idol of the next fun thing on the horizon." I think he's onto something important for college students. My thoughts on that some time in the near future.

See you in Orlando.

Peace,
Sam

Blatant, Unapologetic Promotions

2006-08-03T16:49:00.000-05:00

This post is going to be full of simple, unabashed promotion.

First, the messages from the 2006 RUF Summer Conference. They're pretty enjoyable. If you subscribe to the Podcast, you can hear the Vandy crew doing some music. It's all highly recommended for everyone.

Second, I hereby recommend Jessica Ducey's blog. She's spent her summer in Israel and Palestine, and has some very interesting things to say. Agree or disagree, it's a fascinating read.

Third, I'm a big fan of the song "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" by Stuart Townend. It keeps coming up this summer. I have yet to find a recorded version that I like as much as when we play it at RUF. Regardless, here are the lyrics:

"How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom"

(©1995 Kingsway's Thankyou Music)

Also, it has recently come to my attention that in my post about "things I miss about Florida," I forgot to mention my beloved Steamers. I apologize. I will eat there in the first week of class, without a doubt.

That reminds me. Speaking of local restaurants in Gainesville, this page is really spiffy.

I also forgot to mention fireflies in my "things I will miss about this summer" list. There are so many other things. I was in the library tonight attempting to translate various New Testament bits from French, and it hit me how I'd be leaving the library soon and never coming back (at least not for a long time).

Okay, I'm done. Enjoy. Tomorrow is a big day of lastness. I had better get some sleep.

Peace,
Sam

STOP WHINING!

2006-08-02T11:15:00.000-05:00

You know what bugs me? At the Subway in LaFortune, the person working is required to begin adding vegetables to your sandwich by offering an ambiguous "not a question but not a statement" of "Lettuce, tomato, cucumbers?" This leaves me in an awkward position, since I don't like cucumbers on my sandwich and spinach is in the same section of the counter. I end up saying something like, "No cucumbers but I do want spinach," which causes them to ask, "Do you want lettuce and tomato?" The whole process is very inefficient. Today I simply responded to the initial question with, "Lettuce, tomato, spinach." The second part of the process is just as cumbersome (this is where Sarah would say, "CUcumbersome?"). "Olive, pickles, and banana peppers?" "No, but I would like onions, green peppers, and jalapenos." It's irksome.

Which brings me to the next section of this post. Last night's post was pretty whiny, so let's balance it out with Things I'll Miss About This Summer:

• Flowers at Notre Dame.
• The widespread pride at ND.
• Having immediate access to 80% of the books and movies I desire.
• Seeing statues and pictures of Christian symbols without being nervous that someone is going to take it down or be offended by it.
• The refreshing lack of Turlington preachers.
• The refreshing lack of repeating the same conversations during the ravings of Turlington preachers.
• The shocking and ironic fact that I went to more parties at ND in seven weeks than I have in two years at UF.
• Hanging out with my roommate JB and his friends.
• Prof. Louis MacKenzie's crazy stories about his life as a cultured, former-hippy Francophile who has been married for over 20 years and has lived in France multiple times. [Editorial: I wonder what would happen if he had a conversation with Mario Poceski from UF?]
• The Grotto and the Basilica.
• Trips to Chicago whenever I darn well feel like it.
• Knowing that I am two hours away from virtually any band I could ever want to see live.
• Yeah, pretty much anything and everything about Chicago.
• Local businesses in South Bend and Chicago.
• The private school way of life.

Of course, I won't miss:

• The private school way of life.
• Eating microwaveable food out of plastic dishes at least once a day.
• Supplementing said food with Subway at least three times per week.
• Having food stolen from me out of the fridge on a regular basis. Who steals apple sauce?
• Knowing a combined total of ten undergraduates and graduate students.
• Not having a church.
• Not having a car and not being within walking distance of anything.
• The fact that everything closes by 8 pm on campus.
• Being charged for anything and everything.
• The assumption that I'm an idiot because I am from the South AND I go to a state university.
• The look of disdain when I tell people I go to UF (mostly Urban Meyer-related).
• Feeling continually guilty for not being as productive as I ought to be.
• Feeling continually stressed out about the timing of financial matters.

And, finally, what I look forward to in Florida in no particular order after the first item:

• Family and friends.
• Lunch at Tijuana Flats with Chris on Sundays.
• Christ Community in Gainesville and River of Life in Orlando.
• Talking to Chuck.
• Staying up until 3 am with Steven and Alan.
• The permanent air mattress that Alan and I will reserve for Steven.
• Hearing about Steven's time in Kenya while fearing for my life at his new-found warrior status.
• Praying in cars.
• RUF music.
• Meeting freshmen and showing them around.
• Starting revolutions on campus and in Gainesville.
• Leonardo's, Caribbean Spice, Pita Pit, Satchel's.
• The CSC and coffee from Pascal's.
• Gator Football and Basketball.

I could go on for hours. This is the part where Chris would tilt his head back and to the right, shrug his shoulders, put his hands up, and say, "Go Gators."

Well said, hypothetical Chris, well said.

And, as a sort of "summary statement" about this summer: I feel like it was a great success overall both academically and personally. It's just been successful for different reasons than expected, which is how life always is.

Peace,
Sam

What have I done?

2006-08-01T21:53:00.000-05:00

Absolutely nothing. Seriously. Aside from a few good phone calls, I did nothing today. It was depressing. I've just been feeling really lazy. I'm tired of doing research, I'm tired of dorm life. I'm tired of eating microwaveable food on a daily basis. I'm tired of my main sources of entertainment being YouTube, Fbook, and AIM. I'll stop whining.

I just keep bouncing back and forth between feeling very optimistic and productive and feeling like I've wasted a summer in concrete buildings. I've got friends who have gone all over the world to help people in need, and here I am watching movies and reading books about North Africa in the third century.

On the other hand, I've done a lot of thinking and growing this summer. That's been good. I've been able to figure out who I am just a little bit better. I'm starting to feel much more equipped to take on real life. Of course, I wise man I know once said "That ship has sailed." Or, a wise Bob I know once said, "YOU'RE DOING IT! YOU'RE DOING IT!"

Which, if I haven't mentioned it before, has been the theme of this summer. This is me living. This is me taking random trips, traveling to see people, calling people for hours, attempting to take emotional risks. This is me planning revolutions.

See Sam fly.

He wavers quite a bit - sometimes he plummets to pretty close to the bottom of the ocean - but at least he's in the air. At least he's off the ground. Of course, hopefully people will look up and notice the strings attached to me.

Wow, what a corny metaphor. I'm really, really sorry about that. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about me. I'll be alright. Just get me back to Florida.

Just a few more days.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. Have you noticed how uncomfortably true the maxim "The grass is always greener on the other side" is? Two months ago I was dying to get out of Florida. I'm such a whiner.

Pitchfork

2006-07-31T17:01:00.000-05:00

Uh, yeah. So I went to the Pitchfork Music Festival. Here is the play-by-play. Be prepared, this is going to be a lengthy entry.

Saturday

After finally being tipped off to the South Bend Bus System, I woke up bright and early and made my way to the train station. I arrived in Hyde Park around 11:00 and headed to Katie's to pick up my tickets. I also picked up a delightful sandwich and ate it at her place. Then I caught the bus to the green line and headed to the festival.

I arrived somewhere around 1:00 and wandered around for a while. Union Park is a pretty nice venue: not too big, not too small. There were two stages in the main grassy area, a third stage for jazz, hip-hop, and electronic music, a massive record sale, a craft show, and a poster sale. It was pretty amazing.

I did some exploring and found myself catching the end of 8 Bold Souls. Wow, these guys are incredible. I'm pretty sure they're from Chicago, too. I decided to stay to see some of Flosstradamus, a "DJ super group." I didn't really understand why they were so acclaimed. I left after a few minutes and then I read the blurb about them in the readers guide. Apparently they do amazing mash-ups together. I wish I had known that beforehand.

I made my way to one the main stages to hear Band of Horses. I hadn't heard them before, but someone told me they liked them when they saw them with Iron & Wine. I greatly enjoyed them. Their music made me happy. After them, it was time for The Mountain Goats, who I have recently started getting into. I decided to just watch them from afar because I wanted to be hard core and get right at the front for my beloved Destroyer.

And I did. I was right at the stage and witnessed every glorious moment up close and personal. Dan Bejar is quite a character. He introduced one song with: "This song is about...eh..." (turns around and starts song). After another song he said, "One quarter of that song is a protest song." He played a couple of my favorite tracks, including "Rubies," "Painter in Your Pocket," "European Oils," and "Looter's Follies." He also played one of Stevie's favorite songs, called "Modern Painters."

I caught the first bit of Art Brut, then left, thinking that I wouldn't enjoy them since I didn't care too much for what I'd heard before then. I headed over to the tent to see a bit of Spank Rock, a pretty sweet hip-hop group. Then I went to get some food while Art Brut continued to play. I never would have guessed it: they put on a great show. Their single Good Weekend was a ton of fun (the link is the video of the performance). It included an extraordinarily British section which consisted of calling various bands "top of the pops," which was a lot of fun.

After I finished eating, I headed back to the tent to watch Matmos, the incredible experimental electronica duo from San Francisco that performed with Björk on the beautiful Live at the Royal Opera House DVD. They rocked my world. I couldn't believe it. It was an incredible experience that I'll never forget. Sunscreen and sweat in my eyes; heavy breathing; throbbing bass tempered by sounds of various random objects; warm, lush synths overlayed with affected speech; tasteful guitar and horn riffs; the heat of being squeezed amidst fifty people at the front of the stage; turning down pot but getting high off the experience anyway. You can see their opening track here. I'm warning you, though, it's not for the faint of heart.

After that amazing experience, I saw the last bit of The Walkmen, then went over to see The Futureheads. I'm a fan of their single "Skip to the End," and that was fun in concert, but the rest of their set was pretty homogeneous and uninteresting.

Finally, I wandered back to the tent to see a few minutes of A-Trak, a pretty spiffy DJ. I had to leave soon, though, to begin the journey to the Eastman's house. This meant that I missed Silver Jews, which didn't bother me.

Jenn's Dad picked me up and took me to their house. After some Hot Pockets and a shower, I crashed on some comforters in their basement. I was exhausted.

Sunday

While the Eastman's were at church, I woke up and made some breakfast (i.e. a breakfast burrito). I also packed myself a lunch, which proved to be quite handy.

I got out to the concert around 12:30. I decided to forego seeing Tapes 'n Tapes (sorry, JT) in favor of Jeff Parker and the Nels Cline Quartet. Yes, Nels Cline - guitarist of Wilco. It was an amazing set. They played jazz with some very interesting additional guitar textures. Post-jazz, anyone? Nels Cline is a phenomenal guitarist.

I saw a little bit of Danielson and then Jens Lekman, but neither of them inspired me too much. I headed back to the tent (noticing a theme?) for Bonde Do Role. It was here that I met my beloved dancing indie kids. They were seriously having the time of their lives dancing it up. I started secretly dancing behind them, but I didn't have the courage to join them. Once Bonde Do Role was finished, though, I went up to them and praised them for their dancing. Virtually no one was dancing during these shows - even during music that is typically made for dancing! My new friends said they weren't going to let trying to be cool keep them from having fun, and I thought that was great. They told me that if I saw them again I should join them.

So I did. After geting yelled at for being confused in the Port-a-Potty line, I ran into them at CSS, another Brazilian group, and we danced together for a solid 40 minutes or so. The circle started to spread, and eventually we had a fairly large number of people dancing it up. I think it was probably some of the most fun I've ever had. I also officially earned the nickname "Sammy Sammy Shimmy Shammy" from my new friend Liz, who looked suspiciously like she may have been related to Kathleen.

After that, I watched some of Cage, who gives me some hope for the rap/hip-hop seen. So do Aesop Rock and Mr. Lif, who I listened to while eating some dinner.

I sat down on the grass to listen to Mission of Burma, a veteran rock group that lived up to their reputation. I saw the first 10 minutes or so of Devendra Banhart, one of JT's heroes (whoa, as I typed that iTunes shuffled to a song by him). Then I traveled back to my favorite tent to see Glenn Kotche, the drummer from Wilco.

He was pretty incredible, performing compositions that included drum set, thumb piano, bells, and other percussive accessories. I hadn't seen a good percussion show in ages. I felt like I was at a PAS Day of Percussion. Glorious.

Then it was time for the legendary Yo La Tengo, who may have given the best performance of the festival. I was amazed. They've been playing together for about 20 years, yet they still pulled off a remarkable performance. Take that, Rolling Stones!

Finally, I watched Spoon while the guy next to me toked up. They too put on a great show. Of course, at this point my feet were dying and I was pretty gross. I had to catch the train back to Brookfield (the Eastman's neck of the woods), so I missed the also-and-perhaps-more legendary Os Mutantes. I apologize to the world for missing their first and last show in Chicago. There was nothing I could do about it.

And that was it. I saw more Sufjan Stevens, ninja-related, and thrift-store shirts, more tight jeans, dyed hair, and unknown shoe brands than I can possibly fathom. But it was fun. And, of course, I've always had a special place in my heart for indie girls. What can I say?

Monday

There's not much to say about this morning, except that I ate two fabulous meals. Jenn's dad made me a classic breakfast of coffee, eggs, bacon, and toast. Amazing. Not healthy, but amazing. I also ate a fantastic sub at a place called Chicago Sub, just off of Michigan Ave, while I waited for my train.

And now I'm home safe and sound.

If you made it to this point, I congratulate you. I think this may have been the longest blog entry of all time. Pictures have been posted to fbook. Soon I will update all my .mac stuff. Apple has specifically designed .mac to frustrate those of us who don't have iLife '06. It's a pain in the neck to manage sites without it.

Okay, that's enough.

Peace,
Sam

Christianity is not about being a good person.

2006-07-26T20:35:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to get that out of the way. If any of you are now thinking, "I hope he's not saying that because of something I said/did!", cut it out. I'm not. I just felt like it needed to be said.

So this is my 60th post already. I'm a blogging fiend. That's what happens when you spend your days in libraries.

After reading up on religion and authority in Carthage, doing some French, and reading more Noam Chomsky, I watched Coffee and Cigarettes, per the recommendation of Matt. It has a star-studded cast, including Roberto Benigni, Steven Wright, Bill Murray, and all kinds of other crazy people. It's basically a string of only somewhat connected meetings between people over coffee and cigarettes. It's pretty entertaining, though I feel like it would have been much better enjoyed with friends, rather than in a library. Of course, by the end I was dying for a cup of coffee and a cigarette (and then I realized cigarettes are gross). I think my favorite conversation was between Iggy Pop and Tom Waits. It was pretty priceless.

There were a few others parts of the movie that were pretty excellent because they had some really awkward moments. It almost made you wonder if it was non-fiction. If you've ever watched the British version of The Office, you'll know what I mean.

I decided that I need another break from fbook for a few days. Coincidentally, I read my Bible tonight for the first time in quite a long time. I also got Sarahmisu to send me some RUF songs. I am listening to them over and over again. Man, I really miss those folks, especially my good friend Djembe (or Da-jembe as some people call him).

Have I mentioned how much I love Elliott Smith? Why did he have to kill himself? I'm embedding a few of my favorite songs by him below for your watching pleasure. Warning for those who may get offended: the second one has a few curse words. Oh, and third one is a John Lennon cover (it's pretty much amazing). And by the way, Elliott's live performances don't let you see his unfathomable prowess at recording songs. You should go buy all of his albums.

Peace,
Sam

"All of life is reduced to the common rubble of banality."

2006-07-24T13:15:00.000-05:00

Today I watched Network. It was recommended to me by Alex, one of the handful of people whom I trust implicitly when it comes to movie recommendations.

The film started a little slow, but I rode it out. The dialogue is fantastic. For a film made in 1976, it was absolutely prescient in its indictment of television (TV news, in particular).

I had one of those terribly wonderful dreams last night - the kind where you wake up and get depressed because it wasn't real. In high school, we used to say that we would rather have bad dreams than good dreams. Good dreams just make real life miserable.

So this was one of those dreams. It started with me waking up in my bed with a fictional girl standing over me muttering something about how much she loved me. This was not a real person at all. Oddly enough, at this point I remember muttering in a moment of shocking lucidity, "Oh, no. This is one of those dreams. I guess there is nothing to do but ride it out." And I did. Why in that moment of clarity I didn't decide to wake up, I don't know. But I rode it out, and it was a great dream. It was just hanging out with this fictional girl who was supposed to be my girlfriend - there was nothing perverse or unusual about it. But it was nice. It was also completely and utterly unreal, which made it rather depressing upon facing reality again. It set the tone for the rest of the day, which was full of a sullen distance from God and people. This feeling that my own mind, in addition to God himself, is toying with me.

This happens unbelievably frequently to me. It is not a phenomenon that I can explain. I can't explain why these dreams take such hold of me. They do, though. For some reason, over a period of several years I have had some of the most unbearably pleasant dreams; dreams where my mind manufactures things I have never felt or experienced. This makes the experience particularly powerful - because each time I dream that I am experiencing it for the first time, and each time I wake up and realize that it was all an illusion. And because the emotion is so powerful, these dreams don't fade like other dreams. They remain. They haunt me as ghosts of memories - like those vague memories of childhood, or the feeling you have after a night of drinking enough to make your memory dim but not enough to cause you to forget completely, or when you stay up for 24 hours at a time. You can't remember everything too well, but you can remember flashes of emotion and detail. You can remember a laugh at a strange time that night, or the taste of coffee at 5 in the morning, or the feeling of your head spinning in the darkness of a bunkbed.

In the same way, I can remember a kiss or a hand held or a laugh or a dance that never actually happened. I can remember an impression, a feeling, a look in a girl's eyes - none of which I saw or felt while conscious.

This isn't the kind of thing that I would normally blog about. But I feel like I need to. This is a fairly large part of my life that I don't feel like I have in common with other people. Oh, I'm not saying that people don't have these dreams. But it's the way that these dreams play into my insecurities - the way they play into my constant struggle with depression and loneliness and hopelessness. I don't know if other people experience this or not. That's part of the reason I'm blogging about this. Maybe someone will read this and feel the same way.

I often puzzle over my desires. In the fall of this past year, we talked about longing in Dr. Horner's class. We talked about C.S. Lewis' notion of the scent of a flower you have not smelled, the melody of a song you've never heard, the memory of a place you haven't visited. Lewis was talking about our longing for God, our feeling that there is something transcendent in this life that we can't quite put our finger on. I feel like this is what I experience through these dreams, only with things far more earthy, far more imminent. I feel like I experience this with romance.

And maybe, just maybe, these dreams will be able to translate into an ability to understand what Lewis is talking about. And maybe, just maybe, I will one day understand to what my longings truly point.

Peace,
Sam

Now THIS is a blog post!

2006-07-23T21:24:00.000-05:00

Okay, I just got back from the Windy Apple. It was quite an adventure. I love adventures.

Saturday

So, I got up at 7:40ish on Saturday morning and seriously considered staying in South Bend. Then I thought, "When am I even going to have this choice again?" I knew as soon as I got back to Gainesville that I'd regret missing out on seeing Chicago again. The decision was made: I called a cab and got ready to go.

I'll skip the mundane details, but I ended up on the South Shore train and made my way to Randolph St. On the train, I finished Not the Way It's Supposed to Be. It is an excellent book; I recommend it to everyone. It presents a very interesting paradigm of shalom as "the way things are supposed to be" and sin as the spoiling and stripping of that good. The book is a little old-fashioned at times in its treatment of particular issues and groups (sometimes a few stereotypes sneak in), but it provides a thought-provoking frame of the world nonetheless.

I wandered down Michigan Ave. until I found a Giordano's, where I got some pizza and a cannoli. While I was eating lunch, my good friend Emily called me.

Em: "Mofro is playing Wicker Park today [editorial: it was actually tomorrow]. I know you're jealous since you're in South Bend."
Me: "Oh yeah? Well, I'm eating pizza on Michigan Avenue right now. Wanna go?"
Em: "..."

So we figured out that I could meet her at Wicker Park, crash at her uncle's place, and go to church with them the next day. I left the pizza place and headed to Millennium Park and the Art Institute (my two main goals). I hadn't seen the El Greco pieces when I was there before, so I did that and then visited the old favorites (Van Gogh, Renoir, etc.). I could stare at Two Sisters (On a Terrace) for hours.

I left the Art Institute and wandered around trying to figure out how to get to Wicker Park. I also walked up to the Sears Tower while listening to Sufjan's "The Seer's Tower" (I am so cinematic). Eventually, I ended up on the blue line heading towards Damen (after I had made lots of friends in trying to figure out how to get there).

I wandered around Wicker Park until I found Emily and her cousins (who are all trés cool). We hung out there for a while, walked around, and then Emily, Mary (the Indy cousin), and I headed back to downtown Chicago. We ate dinner at a place called The Artist's Café, which had good food but horrendous service - we waited 25 minutes AFTER finishing our meal for the check! It's the only time in my life where I didn't leave a tip. I usually vow to give a waiter/waitress the benefit of the doubt and tip anyway, but this was just deplorable (and money counts these days).

It started to rain, so our evening had to change a bit. We headed to Garrett's for some popcorn and then to a café (where I, of course, enjoyed a chai latté with cinnamon on top). In the midst of this, I met a homeless woman named Pat who had several small children (you can kind of see them in the picture to the right). I hate homelessness. I wish I could end it. Maybe I can at least make a dent in it with some other folks. Of course, I also want to end human sex trafficking. Who's with me?

I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to the story.

After that, we walked over to Millennium Park to hear a concert. It was wonderful, and it happened to be Carmina Burana by Carl Orff. Then we walked down to the Metra station and took the train to Glen Ellyn, where Emily's uncle lives. I crashed there...

Sunday

...and woke up bright and early for church. I took a shower and put on the same clothes I had worn the previous day (the life of random travel, which is always fun). Emily's aunt made us eggs, toast, and coffee, which was probably the best breakfast I had had in weeks. We hopped in the car and headed for River City Community Church, the church home of one of Emily's cousins. I really, really enjoyed it. It was certainly water in the desert, and the pastor preached on the book Esther. The topic was "Being a Cultural Leader," and the relevance of his sermon to this season of my life was absolutely uncanny.

I really feel that my time at Notre Dame and these trips to Chicago have been paradigmatic. It's been a period of tremendous self-discovery about who I am as a person, as a man, as a Christian, and as a Christian man (who is a person).

After church, Emily's family graciously invited me to lunch with them at a place called Wishbone, which has ridiculously good breakfast. Two breakfasts in one day. Amazing. The food and the conversation was just great. It was so nice to be with a family after these long weeks without my own.

They dropped me off on Michigan, where I proceeded to secure a ride for this evening and begin to wander again. For some reason, Lake Michigan had become my mecca. I walked with purpose toward the Lake, not having any idea where I was really going. I had this vague idea of going to Navy Pier, but I didn't really know how to get there. I mean, how hard can it be to get to a lake? You just head towards the shore, right?

Well, it ended up taking a lot longer than I thought. I walked for miles, probably, asking directions, being amazed at random parks and beautifully massive buildings along the way, and trying to get to the elusive Great Lake. I think I got all the way to the marina and realized that I was on the wrong side of the Chicago River to get to the Pier. What I should have done was keep going along the marina and walked to the edge. Unfortunately, I didn't have that kind of hindsight. So, I took a nice little detour walking away from the Lake along the Chicago River. Things could have been much, much worse. In Chicago, even getting lost is amazing.

That sounds like a t-shirt.

Eventually I did make it to Navy Pier, but I had misjudged how long the pier was. The thing is ridiculous. I was booking it to the end of the pier when I realized that it just wasn't going to happen. It was already close to 4:30 and I had to get to Randolph by at least 5:30. So I stopped, had my "Lake Michigan Moment," left a message for Chris, and began my trek back to the station.

I sat next to a guy named Darrin who was with his wife and two daughters. They were a nice little family from a small town south of Michigan City. He works in the fertilizer/chemical industry. Seemed like a nice guy. I have determined that once you know someone's name, you are no longer strangers. It was really interesting how far along we got in our conversation before we introduced ourselves.

I arrived in South Bend safe and sound. Dr. Sterk's friend Emily (apparently the name du jour) picked me up and took me back to Notre Dame.

All in all, it was an amazing weekend. I also think that Emily and I are practically related now. We've spent like 30 hours together this summer, and I've hung out with her cousins. She's a good egg.

I'm sorry that I am unable to distill the insights I've gathered about myself into this blog. I think once I get back home to Orlando or Gainesville and stop experiencing it all, I will be able to synthesize what I've thought about and experienced this summer.

Sleep well. Pictures are coming soon for fbookers and non-fbookers alike.

Peace,
Sam

Eureka

2006-07-21T14:55:00.000-05:00

To those of you who prayed and/or thought (intensely) happy thoughts yesterday: it worked.

I had a major breakthrough in my research today. If you're interested in plagues, famine, and the Christian response, ask me about it.

And I'm doing much better emotionally. I had magnificently helpful discussions with my sister and Charlie last night. Thanks, you two.

Quotes of the day:
"Integrity on one side of our character is no voucher for integrity on the other side." - John Henry Newman

"I better off my bling before I play." - Professor Louis MacKenzie, taking off his watch before playing Bob Dylan songs in front of a graduate-level French class. His use of the verb "off" is incredible given his abilities with several languages.

I didn't watch a movie in the library today. By the time I got to it, it was 4 pm, and I had failed to remember that the A/V section closes at 5 on Fridays. I may watch Rushmore or The Life Aquatic this evening. We'll see.

So instead I decided to grab a chai latté and wander around by the lake. It was beautiful, as usual. I have this unusual connection with chai lattés. They've been present in many of the great moments of my life, which have mainly been sitting in a Starbucks or equivalent with friends. One lovely connection is drinking chai lattés during Christian Study Center reading groups with Richard Horner and John Sommerville. It was during a discussion of Walker Percy's essay on bourbon that actually caused me to realize this connect with my favorite beverage. You should read that essay. It's in one of my all-time favorite books: Signposts in a Strange Land.

Wow, that really got me in the mood for Walker Percy. I think I'll go to the library soon and read a little bit of that book.

Anyway, I wandered around for a while. For most of today, I listened to some French lessons (trying to get my comprehension and speaking somewhere in the same country as my reading ability), but I switched to Sufjan's latest album of Illinois b-sides. It's a great album. I strolled by the lake, just taking in the vast, blue expanse. Lakes can calm me down in the midst of just about anything.

On the way back, I ran into a wedding party; someone had just gotten married in the basilica. It was so nice. All was right with the world.

I also saw the greatest graffiti of all time in the library today:
"CUBS GO ALL THE WAY IN
~~1995~~
~~1996~~
~~1997~~
(etc.)
2006!"

Each year from 1995 until now was in different handwriting. Amazing. Oh, and Tony, if you read this, someone had also written "WORCESTER, MA" on one of the desks.

I'm seriously considering taking a random day trip to Chicago tomorrow. Oh, Sufjan, what have you done to me?

Let's end this entry with a quick poll:

Peace,
Sam

I am swallowed by night and fog.

2006-07-20T19:43:00.000-05:00

I'm emotionally and intellectually exhausted. For those of you that pray, pray for me. For those of you that don't, think happy thoughts.

Today I watched Nuit et Brouillard (Night and Fog). Before you say anything, I watched it with subtitles - my French isn't nearly that good yet. I don't know if I can really express how brilliant, thought-provoking, and shocking these 32 minutes are. The film was made in 1955 and is a string of footage from the Holocaust concentration camps, contrasted with footage of the camp sites 10 years later. Just go watch it, and we'll talk.

I leave you with the end of a poem I found in that book I got in Wicker Park. It's called Poem for My Twentieth Birthday:

For my birthday thrust into the adult and actual:
expected to perform the action, not to ponder
the reality beyond the fact,
the man standing upright in the dream.

Pretty relevant.

Good night.

Sam

"The only freedom that you'll ever really know is written in books from long ago."

2006-07-19T18:51:00.000-05:00

If I haven't publicly professed my love of Belle & Sebastian, allow me to do so now. Songs like "If You Find Yourself Caught in Love" (quoted), "Fox in the Snow," and "Judy and the Dream of Horses" are just genius.

I listened to B&S today for a while. I decided to spend a bit of time outside. I ate my lunch from Subway outside in front of the dome, then I wandered down to the lake. I was again struck by how vibrant the grass and flowers are here. When I got to the lake, "Judy and the Dream of Horses" had just come on. I stood there finishing the song - which has an amazing ending - while just gazing across the lake (and I think was standing next to some ducks). I got all nostalgic and realized how much I'm going to miss this place. Sure, there are problems with loneliness and dorm life. But overall, this has been an amazing experience of "finding myself" proportions.

I then walked back to the library and proceeded to read for a few solid hours. It's a very interesting experience rotating between French, Cyprian, a book about plagues in Late Antiquity, Not the Way It's Supposed to Be (a book about the doctrine of sin), and Noam Chomsky. I love reading ancient history while reading modern history and religion. It gives me so much perspective. I had the most bizarre experience of Plantinga (C, not A) writing that militaries never call something an attack, only a defense, then reading Chomsky saying something very similar moments later.

After that, I headed to Starbucks and drank my frapp in the south quad. Beautiful.

Then I went back to the library for The Fog of War. [Destroyer aside: "Tread lightly through the fog," said the apothecary's daughter...] It was very good, and proved to be a valuable experience in the midst of reading Chomsky and other political things. It definitely contributed some valuable perspective regarding Vietnam, the Cold War, etc.

On a related note, I highly recommend checking out an episode of NPR's This I Believe, entitled Human Existence is in Peril.

Also, Matt posted a few interesting links regarding documentaries that I thought I'd share:
• Documentary Resource 2004. (This one has a section on The Fog of War.)
• The Shocking Truth About Documentaries. (About TV documentaries. Not fantastic, but informative.)
• The Gap: Documentary Truth Between Reality and Perception. (Speaks for itself.)

I haven't read them all the way through, so I don't know if I endorse them, but food for thought.

Peace,
Sam

"The cowardice of a luxury-loving mind must be checked."

2006-07-18T20:38:00.000-05:00

Three guesses as to who said that. John Piper? Wrong. Tony Campolo? Think again. Matt Nobles? Give him time.

No, this insightful title comes from none other than Cyprian himself, bishop of Carthage in the 3rd century. I really enjoy that phrase: "the cowardice of a luxury-loving mind." It's said in the context of Christians being afraid of death.

Lyrics of the day are from "Wake Up" by The Arcade Fire:
"Somethin'
Filled up
My heart
With nothin'
Someone
Told me not to cry.
But now that
I'm older
My heart's
Colder
And i can
See that it's a lie."

So today's movie recommendation comes from none other than Charlie himself. The film was With God On Our Side: George W. Bush and the Rise of the Religious Right in America. It was a very informative documentary detailing how the evangelical movement has gradually become more heavily involved in politics (mainly right-wing politics). As I have gotten very interested in this phenomenon, this was a good supplement to films like The Times of Harvey Milk.

The thing that consistently gave me the old "Simpsons shudder" was the endorsement of various religious leaders of political candidates over the years. Statements of endorsements of Nixon (Watergate, Vietnam), Carter (East Timor), Reagan (Iran-Contra), Bush (uh, Central America), and Bush Jr. (Iraq, massive deception) now look quite foolish in hindsight.

Anyway, I think it just proves my point that the Christian community needs to be a bit more cautious in how it approaches politics, a bit more thoughtful. We can't just go towing the party line - no matter what party it may be.

I felt like I had something more profound to say than that. I usually blog right after a movie to get my freshest thoughts, but I didn't do that today.

Research and French are still going fairly well. I have also gotten into a band called Sunset Rubdown (recommended, of course, by JT). They're enjoyable.

And for those who are interested, CSN is still going strong. We're regrouping and working a lot on site design, content for the site, and the constitution. We're also figuring out how to become a non-profit.

Peace,
Sam

I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.

2006-07-17T19:52:00.000-05:00

Today's cinematic choice was The Times of Harvey Milk. It is an excellent movie about one of the first openly gay men to be elected to public office and his subsequent assassination.

The combination of listening to Antony and The Johnsons and watching The Times of Harvey Milk has gotten me thinking a lot these days about the Christian response to alternative sexualities. Antony is a transexual of sorts (there are a lot of arguments over terms in this subject), he feels like a woman trapped in a man's body (and somewhat androgynous I think too). Hence song lyrics such as "One day I'll grow up/To be a beautiful woman/But for now I am a child/For now I am a boy."

Frankly, I feel like Christian responses to members of the LGBT community have been overwhelmingly attrocious. On the one hand, the most common approach has been nothing short of hate speech: from blatant displays like Turlington preachers wearing buttons that say "NO HOMOS" to seemingly innocuous things like acceptance of using the term "gay" to describe anything dumb or bad (e.g. "exams are so gay"). This is unnacceptable. Christians should never, ever condone oppression of anyone. One of the shockingly interesting things I gleaned from Haugen's Good News... is the awareness of injustice in its most subtle forms; injustice which is perpetrated by everyone in some way. It may be something like race, but it could even just be something like hatred of jocks or frats for no reason. Anything that involves separating "us" from "them" is just self-righteousness, which is a form of injustice.

On the other hand, the reaction from theologically liberal Christians has been equally disturbing. Rather than wrestling with the texts (Romans 1, for example) and trying to better understand the roots of alternative sexualities while maintaining a firm belief in the fundamental doctrines of Christianity (creation, the fall, the Scripture, the Gospel), it seems that this group has simply decided to throw out whatever is inconvenient. I applaud their courage to stand up and say, "It's not right to marginalize someone due to their sexual orientation." I agree completely. But it's also foolish to simply throw out the Bible because it makes you uncomfortable.

Christians need to find a middle ground. The bottom line should always be the Gospel. That should be our first objective. It shouldn't be "God will change your homosexuality!" That may or may not be true (and I believe 90% of the time it is not). It should be, "No matter what, Christ loves you." It's impossible to guilt someone into Christianity. It is possible to love someone into Christianity (of course, it's really Jesus doing the loving).

My point: if Jesus were at UF today, I believe he would be hanging out with Gator GSA and related groups.

I have had a special place in my heart recently for transgender people. I feel like they are currently the most marginalized group of people (speaking from a UF perspective). This affection started when GGSA did a campaign about bathrooms. They had a poster with a picture of the classic restroom sign (pictured at right) with something about how for a significant amount of people, this is a pretty difficult choice. I had never thought of that before.

Transgender people are often confused and lonely. Their confusion lies at the core of humanity: identity. And yet, isn't that what the Gospel is for? Aren't most of our problems as Christians related to identity crisis? Do I hide behind my job, my major, my status as "theologically right" or "pure" or "a good person"? Do I refuse to hide in Christ? I feel like the transgendered person is ripe for the harvest. The transgendered person struggles daily with the very core of their identity, right down to what bathroom to use. Who better prepared to receive the Good News that whoever they are or will be, they can be secure in Christ?

So you see, we shouldn't even be trying to address the doctrinal issues of alternative sexualities without first and foremost offering the living water to the thirsty. There will come a time when those issues will have to be addressed, and it will be difficult and partially offensive. But those conversations need to occur between friends, between family. Those conversations, like any conversation of this magnitude, cannot possibly be treated lightly. They most definitely must not be reduced to slogans on buttons or posters held up by middle-class, white, heterosexual Christian men.

I should mention, for the record, that the man who killed Harvey Milk was a white, middle-class, heterosexual, Christian man, part of "respectable society."

This is all part of a recent hypothesis that I've developed that states that Christians, which began as an underground movement of dissidents, should be looking to marginalized groups to try to get back to their roots. Where I depart from most people on this topic, though, is that I don't take the approach typical of this "social Gospel:" Jesus was just a groovy guy who wanted everyone to get along. He wasn't just a groovy guy. He was self-authenticating, he wasn't afraid to make outrageous claims to divinity. But he did stand up for prostitutes, he did love tax-collectors. I feel that in America we have become so used to being the majority (whatever that means) that we no longer have a place in our hearts for the prostitutes, the truly "shocking" groups of people that Jesus loved. We've managed to "tame" the homeless and the sick, but that's not where our mission ends. Who are the groups of people that most people are afraid of, or hate for no reason, or try to reduce to something less than a human being? Go after them. Jesus certainly did.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. I highly recommend Flannery O'Connor's story "Revelation" on a related topic.

Musical Presents

2006-07-16T16:39:00.000-05:00

So, first of all, I've created a musical gift for all of you. It's called Me and You and Everyone We Know in honor of the worst movie of all time that the Orlando gang watched together (good times). It's about how much I miss everyone (you'll need to unzip it). Be warned: it's cheesy and poor quality. And don't be offended if I forgot to mention you. It was starting to sound like an Academy Award acceptance speech. Nothing personal - I miss everyone. The style was inspired by JT, who recently wrote a similar song for a friend of ours.

That reminds me, as an addendum to the song and to make up for my poor memory, to remind everyone to vote for Chris Gerrard at some point in the next 20 years. I'm pretty sure he'll be sharing the ticket with Sheri Valera, who will be Vice President under Gerrard and then become our first female president.

I've discovered Antony and The Johnsons thanks yet again to JT. Go download Hope There's Someone right now. You will either love it or hate it. Personally, it's been haunting me for days now.

I pretty much spent the weekend hanging out with JB and his friends. It was pretty fun, but its lack of amazingness inspired me to write the above.

Onward, Cyprian, onward!

Peace,
Sam

Excitement

2006-07-14T15:50:00.000-05:00

Part One: Updates and Goodies

So, the first exciting bit of news is that Robin, Chris, and I have bought tickets to see Sufjan Stevens (with My Brightest Diamond) in Atlanta on September 20. It's a Wednesday night, which will be intense, but there may be camping involved.

The second thing is that for all of you who are not on Fbook (by necessity or by choice), I have posted a bunch of pictures for your enjoyment.

First, from the first visit with Emily:

Emily

Second, a ton of pictures from Chicago:

Part 1: The Train, Devon, UChicago
Part 2: Downtown and The Taste
Part 3: The Art Institute
Part 4: Downtown and Wicker Park

Finally, I have created a place for you to keep up with whatever meager musical attempts I make. Last night I decided to stay up until 2:30 messing around with only my laptop, my voice, Logic Express, and an iTalk. You can download the result here:

My Downloads

You can also get that version of These Days that I made. There are lots of mistakes in it, and it's terrible quality, but whatever.

Part Two: Emily's Second Visit

Emily visited yesterday, which was great (as usual). We ate at a place called State Café downtown, and then of course got some coffee at the South Bend Chocolate Café. Then she took me to the grocery store (for which I was much obliged), where we scrambled to acquire the items necessary to make brownies. Then we rented Bottle Rocket from Hollywood Video. It was fitting, really. It was the last Wes Anderson I hadn't seen. I very much enjoyed it, although not as much as Tenebaums. I need to see it again, though, to really rank it. Of course, even an early, less polished Wes Anderson is still leagues beyond most average movies.

We finished off the night with dinner at Fridays. It was a great day. If I haven't proclaimed it publicly before, the world must know that Emily Roderick is freaking awesome. All who do not know her must make contact immediately. Be prepared, Emily, be prepared.

Then I got pretty miserable (I had been feeling pretty down most of the day), called Chris, and spent four hours making music in a study room downstairs.

Part Three: Promises

So today I slept in and missed class due to my musical endeavors last night. Then I went to the library for a while to work and to watch Promises. It's a really great documentary about Israeli and Palestinian children. Very, very well made. It really struck me how different childhood in America is compared to over there. Those of you interested in the Middle East (cough Whitney cough) should check it out.

Now I shall go eat some dinner (with grape tomatoes and leftover brownies) and then make more music. I'll probably call people as well.

MBenson is coming next weekend, I think.

Did I mention I'm going to see Sufjan?

Peace,
Sam

"Though we have sparred, wrestled, and raged, I can tell you I love him each day."

2006-07-12T17:26:00.000-05:00

(Sufjan Stevens - Palisades)

I've really been enjoying what I've heard from My Brightest Diamond. Check her out (there's a song on that site for your listening pleasure).

There's an interview with Thom Yorke on NPR's Fresh Air. My dad referred it to me (yeah, he's hip).

Somebody ate my entire unopened jar of applesauce. It even had my name on it. It was even next to my soy milk. Who does that? Why applesauce?

I'm really getting tired of living with a bunch of people I don't know in a dorm. It's not even that I don't know them - it's that there is a de facto segregation between the jocks and the non-jocks (insert Simpsons reference here) that prevents people from really getting to know each other. I'm also getting tired of having to go down three floors just to get my milk in the morning.

I know it's nothing to complain about compared to the living situations of people around the world, but I think what makes it so difficult is the lack of community, the lack of friendship. I could live in pretty much any condition if I had a friend or a family member.

A small example of that was on the trip to Mississippi. The eight or so of us guys all crammed into that hot and humid room. Everyone had to wait in line at 6:30 am for mediocre food served under a tent (or "in tents" as Tyler so aptly joked) with multi-colored plastic forks in the shape of various animals. We had to wait in line to bathe in tiny, muddy showers (girls waited for hours sometimes). But you know, we had each other. And we had all the people we were trying to help on our minds. And that made all the difference.

I've been thinking a lot about that trip recently. I still think it's humorous that I finally decided to go the day before. It certainly was a good experience, but I think it has become a much more life-changing experience in the months after it was over. I didn't have any mission-trip epiphanies, so highly sought after by American Christians these days. I remember wanting to have one. I remember sitting at the edge of the Gulf, morbidly depressed and lonely and heartbroken, wondering what kind of person I was to not be excited about being there. I didn't feel like I could make any sort of difference. And that feeling stuck with me to the end of the trip, right down to the trip home. I wandered off for a while when we stopped for lunch. I remember Gerald coming outside and saying something to me. I only remember fragments, but it doesn't matter - I have a still shot of the look on his face frozen in my memory. What I gathered was that he cared about me, which was something I couldn't receive at the moment. I left him and walked around, feeling like I didn't belong, that there was something going on inside of my head and my heart that just didn't line up with anyone else. But I couldn't put my finger on it, and that's what really made it painful. I hid behind a tree for a while, contemplating its leaves in intricate detail to distract myself from the hot mixture of hopelessness, shame, and weakness that was drowning my heart.

In the end, I didn't really come back with a lot of heartwrenching stories, other than those of what I saw around the city. I didn't save somebody's life. But I came back with a lot of experience, and a lot of deepened friendships. At the time I didn't realize what things would mean to me after I reentered American culture (Bay-St. Louis felt like a foreign country). Sure, I thought that I would always remember the steeple on the ground or the rubble piled in the air. I thought I would remember the harrowing stories I heard. But I didn't think about the fact that every time I would look at my shoes, I would see stains of the tar from Tommy's roof. I didn't think I would care about that day that Charlie, Tyler, and I sawed branches from trees. I didn't think I would remember walking endlessly down the road with Chris. Rolling a trampoline to the side of the road with Casey. Picking up trash on the side of the road. Steven singing Amazing Grace on the beach, that seemingly God-forsaken beach that surrounded my seemingly God-forsaken heart. Somehow these random bits of memory still surface.

I don't know what it all means.

Today I watched a documentary about the Vietnam War called Hearts and Minds. It is excellent; very thought-provoking. The main reason it's so good is that it was made in 1974. Most of the views it expresses are really nothing new until you remember this fact. It was way ahead of its time. It does a great job of portraying the atrocities committed by the U.S. during Vietnam. There are a few devastatingly powerful scenes.

Still plugging away on CSN, Cyprian, Chomsky, and all the other stuff. Emily returns tomorrow. Don't try to fight your jealousy.

Peace,
Sam

The Futureheads, anyone?

2006-07-11T16:48:00.000-05:00

Ridiculous quote of the day: "A pastor needs to be media-centered if he wants to get attention." - Jerry Falwell on NPR.

Wow, there are so many things wrong with that statement that it's ridiculous.

Part One: Updates

I heard back from the one of the directors of Desert Nights (Aara Manoogian), the documentary about human trafficking in Armenia and Dubai. He said he would be happy to mail me a copy of the film to show at UF, and suggested that I try to get Armenians on campus to promote it. He recommended that I read up on his latest work and get back to him with any questions I may have. Mr. Manoogian also said that Americans could help by putting pressure on President Bush to put the UAE on the list of traffickers so they will face traffickers. He pointed me to an article he wrote here. I have no idea how that kind of thing works. Maybe we could start a demonstation or something. You know, take it to Washington. Lincoln Memorial steps and all that. Drop me a line if you're interested.

People from International Justice Mission also wrote me back. Cheryl Noble from Student Ministries wrote me back about starting a campus chapter at UF and has provided all the information necessary. If you are interested in being part of this idea of starting a chapter of IJM on campus (or even better, heading it up), drop me a line and I'll forward you the email.

Also, someone from IJM responded to my email about Armenia and the UAE. She said that IJM only works in South and Southeast Asia right now on this subject and has no offices in the Middle East or in Eastern Europe due to a lack of resources and contacts/partner organizations in those regions. Sounds like fertile soil to me. She referred me to a group called Progeny, which is dedicated to rescuing oppresssed children around the world.

Part Two: Chomsky

I've been reading a lot of Chomsky in the past couple of days. I really like what he has to say on topics like education, U.S. foreign policy, and the media. One interesting point he makes is that "there is a kind of margin for survival in the Third World that relates to the degree of American dissidence." This is based on his observation over the years that governments tend to force their terrorist/aggressive operations underground as activism becomes more successful. He uses the examples of the U.S.'s involvement in Nicaragua (the Iran-Contra affair) and El Salvador, as well as examples of the U.S.'s network of terrorist mercenary states (like Israel). Very interesting stuff.

Regarding education, he talks about several of the problems of the educational institutions in America, from public schools to Harvard. It mainly has to do with indoctrination - being taught that obedience is more important than creativity. Ever wonder why in high school you could get a C on a test and not be punished (key word is punished, and this doesn't involve parents), but if you showed up to class 5 minutes late, you were given a detention? He further points out the problems with universities, as they are essentially like corporations in that they depend on funding from wealthy, important people and the government. They are constantly having to make people happy, and because of that, it's very hard for anyone to do anything meaningful within them. You can't rock the boat too much for fear of losing a donor constituency.

Obviously, his views are much better documented and articulate than what I've said here. Those are just a few things that I've found interesting.

Part Three: Disappointing Human Rights Films

So today I watched this little video called "Life Choices: Human Rights in the 21st Century." I can't find it on the internet. Apparently, it was produced at Notre Dame sometime in 1989. It was pretty terrible overall. The first part, though, was an interview with the chair of Amnesty International, which was fairly interesting. He made a point about human rights abuse starting first with separating the "us" from the "them" in order to dehumanize the victim (prime example being WWII). The second part was a discussion between several people from different countries, and it was awful. It basically involved a bunch of well-educated people from the US (who were exclusively military, and exclusively white), Germany, Israel, India, Hungary, and Brazil meandering on and on about nothing really. They repeated the same canned human rights stuff, continually interrupted each other (especially the Americans, which was funny), and never really accomplished anything. The final part of the video was an interview with a Mennonite, who said a bunch of feel-good things about human rights.

After that disappointing experience, I watched a short documentary called No More Tears Sister. It's about a human rights activist named Dr. Rajani Thiranagama, who was assassinated in 1989. Unfortunately, the film is a bit of a failure. It documents her life, some of the situation in Sri Lanka, and her relationship with her family. It talks a lot about how she was a great human rights activist, but never actually tells you what she did. Sure, it says that she founded the University Teachers for Human Rights in Sri Lanka, and that she wrote some pamphlets, but that doesn't say much. According to the film's web site, Rajani "became implicated in grassroots organizations fighting for women’s rights and against the discrimination of Britain’s black people and became involved in the international campaigns of other liberation groups...Her work to rebuild her community after the 1987 October War is renowned." She is supposed to have "fought for the release of imprisoned students and helped establish the Poorani Women’s Centre for victims of war." None of this is very well-represented in the film. What a shame. It got good reviews, too, which I don't understand.

The one thing that I really did enjoy about the film was learning a bit about the conflict in Sri Lanka. I don't think I've ever been exposed to it before.

Conclusion
So, my new question is "What does a Christian view of human rights look like?" I think Haugen provides a good springboard, but I'd like to explore the question in further depth. I'm going to outline Good News and start brainstorming.

Research is starting to pick up. Dr. Sterk has really helped to point me in the right direction. I'm doing a lot of reading.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. New albums from Sufjan Stevens and Thom Yorke today. You can listen to Sufjan's latest here.

"Help me in my weakness, 'cos I'm falling out of grace."

2006-07-10T18:22:00.000-05:00

(The Velvet Underground - Jesus)

Today I watched La Vita è Bella. It was, to say the least, a beautiful movie. It deserves all the hype it got back in 1997. The film does a marvelous job capturing a flurry of conflicting emotions. Wow.

I came across these lyrics today and thought them quite applicable to many people these days:

"And it never comes off like you planned it!
Something once was delivered, then you banned it
But, oh, there is a key to this thing..."

Nothing like some Destroyer lyrics to get you thinking. That's from Notorious Lightning. I highly recommend it. In fact, not much would make my day better than someone else finally getting into Destroyer.

My tickets to Pitchfork arrived at Katie's the other day. How exciting. Unfortunately, she will not be joining me. So, this has the potential of being quite an adventure - getting down to Union Park all by lonesome and surviving an intense music festival. I also learned that The Autumn Defense (the band whose album I bought in Wicker Park) will be playing the night before the festival at a place called Martyrs'. Unfortunately, due to the wonders of American law, it's 21-and-up. Way to go. I can die for my country, but I can't watch The Autumn Defense. Lame.

As an update, my professor at UF wrote me and pointed me in the right direction. Now all I have to do as actually get something done.

Emrod is supposed to be returning on Thursday, and the Benson is also making a trip up at some point this weekend. Life is good (as well as beautiful).

Hope all is well.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. If I have the willpower, I plan on taking an hiatus from Facebook and AIM for a few days soon in order to be more productive for a season. We'll see if actually happens.

Lies and Injustice

2006-07-09T15:01:00.000-05:00

Clever follow-up title, no?

Yesterday I watched the film Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media. It was a long, but very thought-provoking, look at Noam Chomsky's work and his views on American media. Chomsky is one of those activist intellectuals that is loved by many and hated by many. The film made me really appreciate Chomsky's views.

Chomsky is a linguistics professor at MIT. Apparently, he sparked a "Chomskian revolution" in linguistics with his theory of a universal grammar. Later, he determined that he had to become involved with politics. He's since become famous for his frank defiance of conventional wisdom which stems from his anarcho-syndicalist views. In the documentary, he basically propounds the view that whereas in a totalitarian society the people are coerced by force, coercion occurs in the war of ideas in democracy. The government and large corporations, then, control what the media does in order to serve their best interests (i.e. capital in the case of business, submission in the form of government). His views are very well-articulated, and I think quite valid. For example, he asserts that the media must be accused of a liberal bias in a democratic society because that's what defines the boundaries of criticism ("this far, but no further").

I would very much like to be a Noam Chomsky of Christianity. Someone who defies conventions and attacks all we hold dear for the sake of truth. Chomsky does this with democracy, and I think he does it quite well. While I may not ever be an anarcho-syndicalist, I appreciate his rigorously thoughtful and consistent approach. Its similar to how Destroyer is for music and how Nietzsche was for philosophy. Nietzsche had his "philosopher's hammer" to make sure that we set no further idol up in the place of a deceased god.

That's who I want to be for American Christianity.

Today I went to the CRC again, followed by lunch and grocery-shopping. Then I watched a movie called Paradise Now. It's about suicide bombers in Palastine; it's a good movie. I definitely recommend it if you're interested in Palastine.

That's all for now. I am feeling pretty discouraged these days that I'm not getting much accomplished as far as research (or anything else) goes.

Peace,
Sam

Truth and Justice

2006-07-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

Part One: "They told me I was going to Belgium to sell flowers."
I am taking a moment to provide some resources on human trafficking, especially sex trafficking. Here are some general clips from YouTube:
UN Ad 1
UN Ad 2

One of the best organizations tackling this subject is the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women. Their FactBook is especially helpful. Of course, there is also Amnesty and IJM.

I have discovered a fantastic documentary about sex trafficking from Armenia to Dubai entitled "Desert Nights." Here are the links:
Part 1
Part 2a
Part 2b
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5a
Part 5b/6

I have never heard of these particular cases of trafficking. Usually reports on this subject come from the Philippines, Burma, Thailand, or other places in Southeast Asia. So tonight, I emailed IJM about the matter to see if they were doing anything about trafficking in Dubai. I also emailed the creators of the film and asked them what was being done by governments or outside organizations, if Americans could do anything, and if I could set up a screening of the film at UF. The reporters work for an Armenian investigative reporting group called Hetq. They are following these stories closely, and you can read their work here. I am a bit embarrassed because I should have read everything on their site before emailing them. But oh well. If nothing else, they can know that I support them.

I also went ahead an emailed IJM about starting a chapter at UF. I can't play too big of a role in it since I'll be working on CSN most of the time, but I've been bugging a few of you about it recently. Hopefully a small group of people can pull it off.

Part Two: "We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty."

If you haven't figured it out yet, the library has a ton of movies here that I can watch for free. Today I was supposed to watch Life is Beautiful, but some crafty student in an Italian class had it checked out. Maybe tomorrow.

So instead, per the recommendation of Matt and my friends in Orlando, I checked out Good Night, and Good Luck. I enjoyed it. It was also beautifully shot.

The title of this section is a line that summarizes much of what I liked about the movie. I feel like we're at a time in American history right now where we are surrounded by a fear to dissent due to the enemy at hand. More specifically, I feel like Christians in this country are afraid to disagree with many of the policies and actions of our current administration due to religious convictions.

That's all for now. If you want to talk further about any of the above, you know where to find me.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. If you like Good Night, and Good Luck, you would also like The Insider.
P.P.S. Congratulations are in order to Matt, who's just been brought on with The Alligator as a columnist.
P.P.P.S. Music recommendation of the moment: Yo La Tengo - And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out

How Deep the Pain of Searing Loss

2006-07-06T20:27:00.000-05:00

Note: I posted earlier today about Spanglish. Be sure to read that - just scroll down. But read this first.

Tonight my mom told me that a friend of ours from church died today. Her name was Jo Ann. She was a wonderful woman with a loving husband and children. She had been battling cancer for years. I'm not sure what finally claimed her; many of us know all too well the additional complications caused by cancer.

In truth, I didn't know Jo Ann very well. I think I only spoke with her a few times in the years I knew her. But for some reason I had a special connection with her. I became intently interested in her condition over the years, and prayed for her quite frequently. At my last Sunday in Orlando before leaving South Bend, her husband was sitting in the row in front of us. For some reason, I was totally overcome with emotion as I sat behind him. The thought of a man coming to grips with the death of his wife, the death of the mother of his children, assaulted me. I imagine it's because of the loss of my grandmother; a fierce, courageous, and witty woman who battled lupus for over 30 years of her life. I've seen what the loss of your one true love can do to a man. I've seen what the loss of your mother does. I've seen what the loss of someone you love does. Death rips your heart apart like nothing else can, not even heartbreak. But when it's the woman you love who dies, heartbreak is part of the equation.

When I read that email, I was only shocked at first. I couldn't comprehend it. But I had the urge to go down to the Grotto to light a candle for her, and to pray for her family. So I left my dorm to take a walk in silence.

As I was walking, I remembered that last Sunday, and I remembered all the things I had thought about. It all came rushing back to me, and I realized that now all those things had come to pass. A man was now a widow; children were now without a mother. The phrase "how deep the pain of searing loss" kept running through my head. And then I remembered the context: "How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure. That He would give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure."

I couldn't contain myself. I wept hard as I walked to the Grotto, and then I started to run. I ran and I saw the flashes of trees and grass and flowers that decorate Notre Dame's campus. My friend was gone, this friend whom I barely knew.

I lit my candle at the Grotto and wandered over to a bus stop bench on the side of the road near St. Mary's Lake. And I buried my head in my hands and cried. I cried for the man I knew who was now a widower. I cried for those children - who I don't think I've ever met - who no longer have their mother.

And then I remembered the last time I had cried, and how it too had been for children. Suddenly I lamented the injustice of this fallen world. Injustice is not just found in Africa. Injustice is the result of sin, and it occurs everywhere in the world. It shouldn't be this way. A man should not lose his wife. Children should not lose their mother.

Oh, death! Truly, here is your sting!

I thought of the next line of that song: "the Father turns His face away." I was struck by the fact that the Father does not have to turn His face from Jo Ann. She is welcomed by Him.

I wondered if Christ was weeping for Jo Ann's family, for the loss of such a woman. I knew that He was. And then I wondered if God the Father Himself could on the one hand mourn the power of disease in this life, and yet ordain this tragedy. Yet I know that He can, He does, and He now has again. It is beyond me.

I tried to call people, but was unsuccessful. Something felt so unnatural about facing this grief alone, so deeply painful about facing the darkness of death without a friend by my side.

I got up and walked by the lake, and I started to sing. I sang bits and pieces of songs and hymns that I knew. "Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom." "My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part, but the whole is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more."

"And from my stricken heart with tears two wonders I confess: the wonders of redeeming love and my own worthlessness."

I stood there contemplating the stark contrast between the beauty of the lake and trees and the darkness of sin and death. And yet redemption is the link. Redemption is the key. "Here they trusted Him before us, now their praises fill the sky."

I walked back in silence.

Goodbye, Jo Ann.

Spanglish: The Most Poorly Marketed Movie Humankind Has Ever Known

2006-07-06T15:07:00.000-05:00

So, I finally did it. I watched Spanglish, despite the fact that none of my Orlando friends had seen it in its entirety, despite warnings of "love it or hate it" mentalities, and despite the fact that I had to watch it in the library.

Aside: When I started watching the movie at desk 18, the dialogue track was almost non-existent. There was music, there were birds chirping, but no speech. For the first minute I thought, "Ah, artistic way to show a girl growing up. Clever." After three minutes I thought, "Okay. Uh...This is lame." So I moved over to desk 19 and started over. Much better.

I really, really enjoyed it. So I guess I'm a "lover." Considering the fact that growing up with friends in Orlando who have been studying film and making their own since middle school, I was nervous. I was nervous that I was going to be a hater. I probably dislike 80% of the movies made after 2000 that I see. I'm rarely impressed.

But Spanglish was different. It somehow managed to sidestep every possible cliché that could have made that movie absolutely nauseating. I won't expound too much on that just in case people haven't seen it. I also really liked how it portrayed Flor and Christina's lives before coming to America, and then their emigration to and immersion in America. I was also very embarrassed by the borderline stereotypical but all-too-true white upper class family of the Clasky's.

I hate trying to explain how I feel about movies or music over a blog. If you want to know more, just call me.

I did discover that, as the title of this entry suggests, that this movie had terrible marketing. I mean, seriously. The tag line is: "A comedy with a language all its own." To those of you who have seen this movie and love it: Watch the trailer. It's so incredibly cheesy. How bizarre. I would never, ever have seen that movie in the theater if I had seen that trailer.

So, take notes, marketing and PR majors. Advertising can make or break a product.

I close this entry with a prayer from The Valley of Vision, edited by Arthur G. Bennett. I discovered it last night/this morning while on the phone with Chris:

O Lord,

Thou knowest my great unfitness for service,
my present deadness,
my inability to do anything for thy glory,
my distressing coldness of heart.

I am weak, ignorant, unprofitable,
and loathe and abhor myself.
I am at a loss to know what thou wouldest have me do,
for I feel amazingly deserted by thee,
and sense thy presence so little;

Thou makest me possess the sins of my youth,
and the dreadful sin of my nature,
so that I feel all sin,
I cannot think or act but every motion is sin.

Return again with showers of converting grace
to a poor gospel-abusing sinner.
Help my soul to breathe after holiness,
after a constant devotedness to thee,
after growth in grace more abundantly every day.

O Lord, I am lost in the pursuit of this blessedness,
And am ready to sink because I fall so short of my desire;
Help me to hold out a little longer,
until the happy hour of deliverance comes,
for I cannot lift my soul to thee
if thou of thy goodness bring me not nigh.

Help me to be diffident, watchful, tender,
lest I offend my blessed Friend
in thought and behavior;
I confide in thee and lean upon thee,
and need thee at all times to assist and lead me.

O that all my distresses and apprehensions
might prove but Christ's school
to make me fit for greater service
by teaching me the great lesson of humility.

Amen.

Peace,
Sam

Long Conversations to Make Up for Long Silences

2006-07-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

The title of this entry comes from something I wrote in my journal today about such things. I have a lot crammed inside of me right now, and it's good to get it out every so often with people I love. In the past week, I've gotten to have a lot of those conversations. It's been very helpful. Thanks.

So, today was a somewhat productive day. I dragged myself to class, and then organized my life by making to-do lists and accomplishing things on them. That felt good. After a royal lunch of Easy Mac and peanut butter on crackers (I'm really getting tired of only having a kitchen on the first floor), I headed off to the library for a while. Then I came back and watched Rushmore in honor of Emily, my Wes Anderson partner in crime.

Naturally, I greatly enjoyed it. I am a big fan of Wes Anderson. I didn't find Rushmore to be as polished or complete as The Royal Tenenbaums (one of my all-time favorites), but it was perhaps more coherent than The Life Aquatic.

I have discovered that the library has a copy of Spanglish. I plan on watching it tomorrow.

I was thinking today about how I often get asked the question, "How do you know so much about these bands I've never heard of?" Or, as I like to interpret that question, "How do you have such exceptional taste in music?" (I jest, I jest...sort of.)

So I've prepared "Sam's Guide to Becoming a Musical Snob."

Step 1: Visit web sites like Pitchfork and Paste to get the latest news on indie music. Also, listen to All Songs Considered.
Step 2: Get a subscription to eMusic. It's the indie version of iTunes music store - complete with no digital rights management (i.e. burn at will).
Step 3: Preview music found at Pitchfork, Paste, All Songs Considered, and eMusic using iTunes Music Store and the amazing Pandora.
Step 4: Download and enjoy said music.

Alternate Route:
Step 1: Get hip friends like Stevie and JT.
Step 2: Borrow music from them as if someone told you they would eat all of your favorite food in the world within the next week if you didn't.
Step 3: Legally acquire said music via eMusic after discovering what you like.

Update: I spent a healthy portion of today editing photos from my trip to Chicago. They are now available on fbook (consider it stolen, Emily and Michelle). For those of you who aren't on the necessary networking evil (NNE I like to call it), I will be posting photos on my .Mac page soon.

Peace,
Sam

Happy 4th?

2006-07-04T23:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, technically it's the 5th now. And all you're getting in the following post are mundane details about my life.

So this was by far the strangest Fourth of July I've experienced. It is the first major holiday that I've experienced alone - no family, and no friends who have known me for longer than two weeks. Needless to say, it wasn't a fantastic day. However, I did talk to several family members for a while, and I watched Punch-Drunk Love. It's a bizarre but interesting movie. I borrowed it from a friend from church who recommended it as his "second favorite Adam Sandler movie, the first being Spanglish." Of course, this means I need to track down Spanglish. My favorite part of the movie:

RECEPTION WOMAN: Are you Barry?
BARRY: Yes.
RECEPTION WOMAN: It's for you.
[Barry walks towards the phone]
BARRY: This is Barry.
LENA: This is Lena.
BARRY: Hi.
LENA: I just wanted you to know, wherever you're going or whatever you're doing right now I want you to know that I wanted to kiss you just then.
BARRY: Really?
LENA: Yeah.

So yeah, good movie. Reminded me of Eternal Sunshine. It was kind of a poor choice to watch alone, though. Oh well.

Emily left me a great message. She was sang part of the national anthem, and then read my mind: "No, I have not been drinking." Fantastic. Hurray for Emily.

I bought tickets to the Pitchfork Music Festival. I'm pretty stoked. I'm not sure how I'm getting there or who I'm going with, but it doesn't matter. I will see Destroyer, Spoon, and Yo La Tengo (among others). Fantastic.

In other news, I made two new music purchases today:

•The New Underoath CD
•The New Camera Obscura CD

I also watched X2 with JB (my roommate) and Pat (my roommate's friend). It was way better than the first one.

Final bit of information: I picked up The Short Stories of Heinrich Böll from the library per the recommendation of my good friend Stevie. The stories are amazing. They are like literary fireflies: short, but vivid and compelling. Böll won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1972. You can read more about him here.

Speaking of which, I saw more fireflies in Chicago. Sarah (Katie's roommate) picked one up and we looked at it for a while. Fascinating, magical creatures. Why did God create them? Just so we could enjoy them on a summer stroll through Hyde Park?

So, technically I should have written something profound and lengthy about the troubles with America in response to the patriotic frenzy of Independence Day. However, I'm tired, so I think I will instead provide you with the following assignment:

1. Go to JT's MySpace.
2. Listen to "The United Stench of America."
3. Marvel at the beauty of JT's voice.
4. Enjoy the lyrics, especially the end. It pretty much sums up how I feel.
5. Tell JT how much you love him.

Good night. Hopefully you'll hear something more profound from me later.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. The Chicago pictures are getting edited, slowly but surely. They'll be up soon.

I fell in love again.

2006-07-02T22:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back from Chicago. It was excellent. Here is the play-by-play (though I will try to keep it readable):

Friday
I took a cab at about noon, got on the 1:02 South Shore train, and proceeded to listen to Sufjan Stevens while reading the rest of Good News About Injustice. We had a bit of a delay somewhere, but it was fine. I finished GNAI (it was excellent) and put on "Chicago" right as I stepped off the train into Hyde Park. Katie came and met me and we headed to her place. She took me on a tour of University of Chicago, which was very nice. After that, we just chilled at her house for a while, and then headed out with her roommates (Sarah and Hillary) to Devon St. It is the Indian/Pakistani/etc. area, which was quite an interesting experience. I've never been a minority before. Those few hours provided me with a lot of insight into the lives of quite a healthy portion of the country. We ate at a place called "The Taj Restaraunt." It was pretty good. We headed home (enjoying the night skyline of downtown Chicago on the way), and I just went to bed.

Saturday
We (Katie, her roommates, and I) got up relatively early and headed downtown to The Taste of Chicago Food Festival. It was incredible. In the midst of taking in the beauty of downtown Chicago, I also got to enjoy some delicious food. After that, Katie and Sarah (Hillary left on a trip) took me to Jamba Juice (smoothies) and then the Art Institute. It was amazing. I saw some of the most beautiful paintings. I realized that Renoir was an absolute genius. Amazing. We left there after a few hours and walked around more. Late in the afternoon, we headed back to Hyde Park. We grabbed some dinner at Potbelly (subs) and went to the campus movie theater to see this ridiculous movie from the 30s. After that, some of Katie's friends came over for a bit. Then it was bed time.

Sunday
After another semi-early wakeup, Katie took me to a café called Bonjour for some French Roast. Then we headed to Wicker Park, the hipster area of town. It was definitely one of my favorite trips. We went to a particularly fantastic used book store called Myopic Books, where I purchased a really cool anthology of American poetry. Oddly enough, the folks at the bookstore had Sufjan's Illinois album playing. So I got to hear "Chicago" while in a hip bookstore in Wicker Park. How cool is that? We also went to an incredible music store that made me discontent beyond belief with Gainesville's music scene. I purchased an album by The Autumn Defense. They are a side project of one of the guys from Wilco. Then we went a place called Swank Franks (is that not awesome?) for some Chicago-style hot dogs. After a bit more walking around, we headed back to downtown Chicago for more exploring. It was a great time - I even got to see the buildings from the cover of Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. Then it was back to Hyde Park to get back on the train.

I took a ridiculous number of pictures over the weekend. Fear not - I will organize and edit them over the next couple of days for Facebookers and non-Facebookers alike.

Until then, sleep tight. More from me soon - this was a somewhat cursory glance at a massive amount of activity.

Peace,
Sam

Weeping With Those Who Weep

2006-06-29T21:14:00.000-05:00

So, this was quite a day. I woke up extremely tired and sluggish. I managed to get myself to French, and enjoyed it, but I was unable to concentrate. I was originally going to go to the library after class, but I didn't feel up to it. So I went back to the dorm and sat around. I decided to pick up Good News About Injustice and read the first 10 or so pages. Then I was struck with a brilliant idea. I remembered that my roommate had done an Amnesty International protest about the Lord's Resistance Army in Uganda, and I remembered that someone had told me that the library has a lot of DVDs. I searched for Invisible Children on the library's site, and sure enough they had it. So I packed up and headed to the library.

It turned out that there's not much privacy when you check something out in the A/V room. There are a few rows of TVs with DVD players, and you just sit at one, plug in some headphones, and watch. So I checked out Invisible Children, headed for a TV, and started the adventure.

I was able to maintain my composure throughout most of the movie. I was moved, shocked, alarmed, incensed, and every other emotion one feels during the movie, but I was nevertheless composed. I could see the reflection of my face in the screen, and it was like a record of my emotion, a constant check to see if I was still alive and breathing in the midst of such horror.

But one scene broke the dam. It is the only scene where a child cries in the entire movie (these children learn quickly that crying can mean certain death). When this boy cried for his dead brother, the torrent of emotion that he had stored up in his short life was released, and with it came the emotion that I had stored up during the film. This crying was too deep, too wise for a 9 yr. old. This was the mourning of a soul who had witnessed more atrocities than you or I can imagine. These were the tears of a boy who had too quickly become a man in the midst of oppression. And with him I broke down at the injustice of this cruelty.

So there I sat, in the middle of the second floor of the Hesburgh library, with two people just across the aisle, sobbing. I quickly tried to temporarily regain my composure for just long enough to finish and return the movie. Than I ran down the stairs, out the door, and into the grass. I sat against a tree and wept for those children. It was like being born again into a world that I so quickly forget in my American lifestyle.

I always must thank God for these gifts of compassion that crop up sometimes. My heart is so hard and cold more often than I would like to admit.

Then I called Gerald to tell him all of this. It was a good conversation.

This summer has caused me to appreciate my friends more than I have thus far in my life. The lack of deep Christian fellowship I have up here leaves me thirsty, and I realize how satisfying spending time in conversation with my brothers and sisters really is.

After I hung up with Gerald, I went back to the library and did some reading and French. By the end of the day, I had gotten through almost 110 pages of Good News About Injustice. It is affirming and systematizing so many things I have thought or felt or witnessed in the past academic year. Water in the desert.

The other thing I like about Haugen's book is that when we look at corruption, child prostitution, child labor, or any other human rights violation, we're forced to look into God's justice and compassion. This is so helpful when trying to wrestle with whether God is for you, whether He really cares about the suffering that we experience.

So it was quite a day. Then I was on my way back from the library tonight (around 9:45), I saw fireflies for the first time in my life. They are quite interesting creatures, and yet another example of God's genius.

Ideas for the next year:
• Casablanca House Party for Invisible Children. Four condos playing Invisible Children in one evening; massive amounts of people, and hopefully baked goods. Brainstorming on how to get involved.
• Trying to convince some people to start a chapter of International Justice Mission at UF. It would be a great way to connect people from so many fields - from the College of Journalism to the Levin College of Law.
• Taking place in the Loose Change to Loosen Chains IJM campaign.
• Launching Christian Service Network.

Peace, friends.

Sam

Come on, who DOESN'T think Emily rocks?

2006-06-28T22:14:00.000-05:00

Quote of the day: "These homosexuals haven't been to church in years because they feel like Christians despise them. And do you know why? Because Christians despise them." - Tony Campolo

Sad, but true, Mr. Campolo. What are we going to do about it?

So, today the Emrod came to visit. It was so much fun. The day consisted of:

• Eating at Greenfields Cafe, one of the nicer places to eat on campus.
• Giving her the ignorant, visiting student tour of Notre Dame (my roommate would be disappointed in me).
• Showing her the dorm.
• Going downtown.
• Getting some delicious espresso beverages at Chocolate Café.
• Wandering aimlessly looking for dinner.
• Going on an adventure to find a pizza place called Rocco's.

It was a smashing good time. I can't even explain it. Who is Emily Roderick?

Hopefully it won't be the last time she comes to visit.

So, masantos pretty much just changed my life (what else is new?). I was responding to an email she wrote when I decided to look up a book she told me she was reading. It's called Good News About Injustice. Here's what transpired at approximately 10:45 tonight:

• Look at table of contents on Amazon.
• Notice the copyright (International Justice Mission).
• Look up on ND Libraries web site.
• Write down call number.
• Get up.
• Walk to library.
• Elevate to 12th floor.
• Pull out book.
• Realize I've found the "Christianity and Social Issues" section.
• Figuratively explode.
• Check out book.
• Go back to dorm.

I'm really excited. The book just rose to the top of my list, right up there with "Poverty in America: A Handbook" and "Ministries of Mercy."

I also overslept today and did zero French.

Next adventure: Chicago to see Katie.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. My friend Bob sent me a list of recommended books regarding poverty and such. I will post it soon for those interested.

X-Men, Poverty, Etc.

2006-06-26T23:13:00.000-05:00

Quote of the day: "Senator John Edwards declares war on poverty. Moments later, poverty declares victory." - The Colbert Report

First of all, I want to point out that my posts really aren't nearly as long as you all think. For some reason the columns on these blogs are ridiculously narrow. In actuality, they are probably about two pages.

Practical updates: To those of you hoping/praying/thinking happy thoughts about my financial, administration(al), and social situations up here at ND, thanks. The past few days have been really great. I went to a really great church and met some great people who have been really helpful. They took me to the grocery store, had me over for lunch, and even got someone to loan me a bike.

Also, the financial stuff is just about worked out - mostly.

I also had lunch today with a professor of the theology department, which was really great. We talked a lot about the project and directions I might be able to go with it. Generally: looking at the response of the North African Church over a few centuries to social problems, specifically as opposed to the government and in comparison or contrast to the Eastern Churches. A recent book in this vein has been published regarding the Cappadocian fathers from the East (good old Basil of Caesarea, Gregory of Nazianzus, and Gregory of Nyssa). It's called The Hungry Are Dying, and it focuses specifically on poverty and sermons about the poor. I'm getting it from the library tomorrow.

Specifically: looking more at Carthage and Cyprian and how the Roman institutions dealt with sickness, poverty, etc. In my reading today I learned that due to the grim nature of Punic (Carthaginian) religion, which was pretty much akin to OT craziness (human sacrifice, worship of Baal-Hammon, etc., extremely ritualistic), Christianity was often viewed as freedom from fear and legalism.

Also, here's a quote-to-ponder-of-the-day: "If it was fated that the Roman character should change when Carthage fell, would that Carthage was still standing." - Silius Italicus on the Roman sacking of Carthage, which became gruesome to the point of human sacrifice. Apparently Scipio himself wept when he conquered Carthage.

Now I want you to think about that quote, and about America, and about humanity in general while you read the rest of this post. Then get back to me with your comments.

I'm also reading a book called Not the Way It's Supposed to Be, which is about the doctrine of sin. Very fascinating thus far; I'll keep you all posted.

So tonight we (i.e. me, the roommate JB, and the roommate's friend Pat) watched the infamous X-Men (it's not worth posting a link). I've seen the third one, and I've heard that the second one is actually a pretty good movie. But I had to watch the first for the sake of watching it. It wasn't very good, I admit. The best part of the movie was when the X-Men were fighting in the Statue of Liberty and JB said, "Way to f*** up a national monument, idiots." And then the best part of the night was watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. The Daily Show spent a while mocking the whole ridiculously predictable Sears Tower scare. They juxtaposed CNN's crazy coverage with the later press conference which basically equated to: "Well, no, they didn't exactly *have* any weapons or *craft* a plan, but, uh, we, uh...Next question..." Fear-mongering makes me angry.

However, I'm always interested in the social agenda behind comic books. I did a little bit of reading up on Wonder Woman a few weeks ago, and I almost posted it, but I decided no one would care. For those interested, though, check out Wikipedia's article on Wonder Woman and learn about how it was created by a feminist. If any of you are working on politics and cartoons and such (cough, Molly, cough), you might want to think about throwing comic books into the mix.

I did learn this fascinating tidbit about X-Men from Wikipedia:

"Ironically, the cast of this comic book series, which would in decades hence become a vehicle for stories about prejudice and racism, was originally racially and ethnically homogeneous, seemingly comprised entirely of the WASP-type character that was the de facto model for most comic book heroes at that time. Furthermore, their arch nemesis was Magneto, a character later portrayed as a Jewish concentration camp survivor, whose key followers, son and daughter, Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch were Gypsies (Roma), an ethnic minority in Europe."

So apparently it wasn't until the 70s that X-Men became a civil rights symbol. I noticed when I watched Spiderman 2 again recently how comic book supervillains are often based on the premise that humans are basically good and then turn evil by some sort of unnatural accident or traumatic experience (or at least the major supervillains).

I think that's all. Emily comes to visit on Wednesday which is flipping awesome.

Keep me posted.

Peace,
Sam

Fear, Poverty, and Other Things

2006-06-24T19:24:00.000-05:00

This is going to be long, but it's important. Please read it. And then call/comment/email.

So I just finished watching Bowling for Columbine per the suggestions of Jeremy G. in high school and Devon in the spring. It was excellent. Sure, there are some of the usual Michael Moore shenanigans, but really once you figure out Michael Moore's ways, you can get to the bottom of his and most other documentaries to figure out what's going on. For example:

• Michael Moore makes sure the editing of every scene plays off of emotions. Always be aware of what audio is playing under each video scene. He does everything for a reason.
• He chooses his words extremely carefully and is nitpicky about other people's words. There was a lot of this in Farenheit to the point that it was a bit nauseating.
• He also chooses his footage carefully. Documentaries have this microchasm effect where if it mentions a person or news station and shows footage of him/her/it, the audience immediately generalizes that footage to represent him/her/it in its entirety.

So that's your film lesson of the day if any of you are interested. Keep that in mind with just about every documentary. All documentaries have an agenda. The goal of the historical method is to account for that agenda.

All that being said, Moore makes several valid points. America is a country gripped by fear and driven to consumption. Oddly enough, Marilyn Manson has some of the most insightful words in the movie. I actually had the first and only moment of respect for him. When asked by Michael Moore what he would say to the kids of Columbine, he said, "I wouldn't say anything to them. I'd listen to what they had to say, because I don't think anyone has done that."

The media thrives on fear, the government thrives on fear, and corporations thrive on fear. Don't believe me? Let's sample some headlines right now:

FoxNews.com:
• Seven 'homegrown terrorists' indicted in plot to blow up Sears Tower, other buildings. Terrorism expert Ann Hayes has the latest
• Former Army Sec. Togo West on North Korea's long-range missile threat
• Children at Risk

CNN.com:
• STALKER UNDER BED: Voyeur tapes hours of video in a woman's bedroom
• Toddler shoots girl in mouth
• Suspect faces another murder charge
• Sheriff: Teen killed by falling tree
• Driver finds body under car

The most ridiculous are the local channels:
WFTV Orlando:
• Man Beaten With Hammer By Suspects
• Body Found Behind Shed; Three Dead
• Teen Allegedly Dressed As Woman To Snatch Purse
• SUV Falls 20 Feet From Road, Kills Driver
• Surveillance Video Shows Five Women Rob Old Navy Store

For goodness sake, it's no wonder we're so afraid. The news is telling us that no matter where we go or who we are, we're going to be robbed, shot, or killed by bees. This just keeps us paralyzed. And that's not even counting all of this "War on Terror" stuff. Consider these facts from here:

• The U.S. military budget request by the Bush Administration for Fiscal Year 2007 is $462.7 billion.
• The US military spending was almost 7 times larger than the Chinese budget, the second largest spender.
• The US military budget was almost 29 times as large as the combined spending of the six “rogue” states (Cuba, Iran, Libya, North Korea, Sudan and Syria) who spent $14.65 billion.
• It was more than the combined spending of the next 14 nations.
• The United States and its close allies accounted for some two thirds to three-quarters of all military spending, depending on who you count as close allies (typically NATO countries, Australia, Canada, Israel, Japan and South Korea)
• The six potential “enemies,” Russia, and China together spent $139 billion, 30% of the U.S. military budget.

So why does all this matter? Why am I upset with how gripped by fear and obsessed with security we are in America? The answer is poverty. Consider some facts from here:

• Half the world — nearly three billion people — live on less than two dollars a day.
• The GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of the poorest 48 nations (i.e. a quarter of the world’s countries) is less than the wealth of the world’s three richest people combined.
• Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.
• Less than one per cent of what the world spent every year on weapons was needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it didn't happen.
• 51 percent of the world’s 100 hundred wealthiest bodies are corporations.
• The wealthiest nation on Earth has the widest gap between rich and poor of any industrialized nation.
• 20% of the population in the developed nations, consume 86% of the world’s goods.
• The top fifth of the world’s people in the richest countries enjoy 82% of the expanding export trade and 68% of foreign direct investment — the bottom fifth, barely more than 1%.
• In 1960, the 20% of the world’s people in the richest countries had 30 times the income of the poorest 20% — in 1997, 74 times as much.

These are global statistics, not specifically American stastics, but America is the wealthiest country in the world. So here are my points in all of this:

• How can we tackle poverty when we're so dependent on security that we spend way more money on the military than on alleviating poverty?
• More importantly, think about your perception of the poorest places in whatever city you're in. You probably also associate them with crime. And you may or may not be right. Moore asserts that more crime happens in the suburbs, and I'm not sure whether he's right. But do you see the problem? How can you ever help the poor if you're afraid to stay with them? How can you ever make a difference if you're worried about safety?

Objections:
• Sam, the poor will always be with us. Jesus even said so. Quit your whining and give me my gun.
My response: Yes, the poor will always be with us. But that doesn't mean that widespread poverty, massive homicide rates, and ridiculous military spending will always be part of America. Will we ever eradicate poverty in this world? Absolutely not. Can we alleviate it? Absolutely.

• Look at you, Mr. Notre Dame. You're sitting pretty in your dorm room as a middle class white guy. Your biggest worry right now is where to eat on campus. Aren't you some sort of hypocrite?
My response: I'm often pained with how easy my life is physically. My freshman year of college I was particularly disgusted with college life, with how easy we had it. I believe that we as college students should take advantage of the fact that we have time and money and devote ourselves to helping the poor in whatever way we can.

Yes, I said we have time and money. You may balk. You may say, "Sam, unlike you, I am completely self-sufficient and work to eat." And you would probably also say, "I'm so busy with exams and class that I don't have time to help the poor or whatever else you want me to do." The problem with these two statements is one of scope. Yes, you probably do work to eat. But you're not at the poverty level. If you were to lose your job, you wouldn't become homeless for the simple reason that your family and friends would take you in. Combine that with the fact that you're more than likely not making $8.50/hr while having to feed a family and I'd say you're pretty well off. Combine all of that with the fact that the poor give to the church more than any other group of Americans. And as far as time goes, why not channel some of your Facebook/drinking/partying/chilling/video game/laying out time to helping someone or at least reading up on an issue?

So that's my soapbox for the evening. Let me know what you think. And check out these two things:
• The movie The Corporation
• Wikipedia: Poverty in the U.S.

Peace,
Sam

Addendum

2006-06-23T22:13:00.000-05:00

Stop whatever you're doing and watch this, this, and this.

Kings of Convenience and Feist. Wonderful. There are also some wonderful Elliott Smith videos on YouTube. I'll link to some of my favorites another time.

I already posted something this morning (just scroll down a bit), but it was a fairly interesting day. I picked up the following books in the library:

Othello
Henry V
The Brothers Karamazov
Flannery O'Connor's "The Artificial Nigger and Other Stories"

I figured I needed some fiction to keep me company these days. I also went on a hunt for Life at the Bottom, as recommended by Gerald. I thought I found it, but then I realized this evening that the ND library has a completely different book with the same name. Bummer.

Finding books at the library is like a treasure hunt. You go online, write down the call number, look at the list of floors to find out where to go (there are thirteen), and then hunt down the book. Sometimes you get it wrong, and you end up in the Russian literature section - proper - and wonder why you have suddenly encountered the Cyrilic alphabet and can't find Dostoyevsky (all the while realizing the irony that his work in its original form is right in front of you) . Other times you discover little gems you didn't know existed, like that French book on Cyprian I found.

It's so much fun. Seriously. Okay, I'm a nerd. Whatever. All I know is that when I pulled The Brothers K off the shelf and sat down to start reading it, I felt at home. The 4th and 9th floors - where I got these works - would, I think, cause Charlie and other likeminded souls to become hermits for the rest of their lives. It's set up so that the works of each author are followed by literary criticism. It's gorgeous. I had no idea there were so many sweet books about Flannery O'Connor.

You'll realize none of this has anything to do with my research or my French. I pretty much took the day off. After all, there's always Saturday.

Also, for those keeping track: so far none of the graffiti I've encountered since that day on the 12th floor has matched the overall wit and "charm" of the other day's "artwork."

And Emily is coming on Thursday. Rock on.

This should be an interesting weekend. My roommate is visiting his girlfriend in Chicago, and apparently there is a possibility that one of his friends is sleeping in this room tomorrow night. Right...

I feel like I had more interesting things to say. Oh well. It's been fun hearing from many of you over the past week. Keep it up; I love knowing what's happening.

Hopefully I'll have more insightful things to say once I've really delved into my research and these books.

Peace,
Sam

"There was a fire fight!"

2006-06-23T06:05:00.000-05:00

Last night I watched "Boondock Saints" with my roommate and his friend, followed by The Colbert Report. It was a good time - fightin' Irish with the Fightin' Irish.

The Colbert Report had a ridiculous story about a statement made by Stephen Hawking about the end of the world and a Wall Street Journal guy disagreeing with him. It was so funny. It included such gems as "Now, you all know that Stephen Hawking is my LEAST favorite theoretical physicist." Priceless.

My current musical best friends:
Elliott Smith - Figure 8
Leslie Feist - Let It Die
Destroyer - Destroyer's Rubies
Kings of Convenience - Riot on an Empty Street

I don't really have anything profound to say these days. I'm just wandering around Notre Dame and learning French and reading all kinds of stuff. I'm slowly getting better at reading French, which is exciting. I don't know where I'm going with this research, though. Research is one of those things that just sort of happens and you end up figuring it out as you go.

I'm really excited about this one book in French about Cyprian that I found. In English, the title is "Cyprian of Carthage: Bishop of Carthage, 'Pope' of Africa." I'm excited because the first part addresses some doctrine of Cyprian that is quite reminiscent of Augustine's ideas of the city of God and the city of humans. Exciting. I can't wait to read it.

To my readers: please refrain from posting anonymous complaints. Anonymity is a trump card that prevents real discussion. If you have something you'd like to talk about, post your name or call me.

Here's to freedom from censorship and the freedom to disagree.

Peace,
Sam

OH SNAP

2006-06-22T19:15:00.000-05:00

Check this out:

Pitchfork Music Festival

Some of the people playing: Destroyer, Matmos, Spoon, The Mountain Goats, Yo La Tengo.

There is no way I am missing this...I'm only 2 hours from Chicago. I will do whatever it takes to see Destroyer.

Anything.

Snap.

More from me later.

Sam

"You'll shine like gold in the air of summer."

2006-06-21T12:01:00.000-05:00

If you haven't been introduced to the beauty of the Kings of Convenience, you need to check them out immediately.

The other night I walked to over to the grotto. I have yet to take my own picture of it at night, but this is the one from the ND site:

It's a beautiful place. I have also attended mass at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart. I can't bring myself to take pictures inside, but you can see it on ND's site:

Class is really cool so far. I'm really excited about learning French. I have also begun to explore the library, which is enormous. The worst part of this adventure thus far is that last night I learned the hard way that during the summer NOTHING is open for food after 8 pm on campus. Nothing. Not even a mart of the kwikki persuasion. I ate the most expensive pizza of all time last night because of my ignorance. Bah.

I wrote down some graffiti I found on a desk. This part of the post is dedicated to Charlie. Here are some of my favorites:

- "I want to kick T.S. Eliot square in the balls."
- "Note to self: Stop looking at the graffiti (poetry) and get your work done."
- "Do I love her?"
[Different handwriting.] "She has no soul."
- "Theology is gay."
- "Mike - don't let me go yet. I'm waiting for you..."
- "SOMEBODY SAVE ME"
- "Fuck the zombies."
- "Crazy Bob sits directly across from me and I wonder if he'll sprint out."
- "Yes it means I'm free."

I have posted a ton of new pictures from my second day at Notre Dame. You can find them here.

More from me soon on a deeper level with less practical and photographic updates.

Peace,
Sam

Notre Dame = Gorgeous.

2006-06-19T20:47:00.000-05:00

So, my computer froze the first time I tried to do this (I swear it wasn't my PowerBook's fault).

Anyway, I'm writing from Siegfried Hall. That's here:

Tomorrow I will be going to class here:

And researching here:

You can see all of these pictures here.

The flight and everything was painless and I have funny stories. My roommate is a cool guy. I am really, really tired though. I need to go to bed. I'll post more tomorrow I'm sure.

Good night!

Sam

"Shadows kept alive..."

2006-06-17T10:51:00.000-05:00

Billy Corgan wrote a song when his mother died that I find extremely moving. I just think he pinpoints grief so well. Here are the lyrics:

whenever I run
whenever I run to you lost one
it's never done
just hanging on

the past has let me be
returning as if dream
shattered as belief

if you have to go don't say goodbye
if you have to go don't you cry
if you have to go I will get by
someday I'll follow you and see you on the other side

but for the grace of love
I'd will the meaning of
heaven from above

your picture out of time
left aching in my mind
shadows kept alive

if you have to go don't say goodbye
if you have to go don't you cry
if you have to go I will get by
I will follow you and see you on the other side

but for the grace of love
I'd will the meaning of
heaven from above

long horses we are born
creatures more than torn
mourning our way home

I especially like that last stanza. It often feels like all we're doing is "mourning our way home" in this life.

I've recently come to the conclusion that once you wrestle with the issue of God's sovereignty, you must be prepared to wrestle on a profound level with God's goodness. If God is the primary or secondary cause, the passive or active agent (however your particular spin on God's sovereignty would put it) of the pain in my life, how can I accept His goodness?

And that's where the risk comes in. God will not prove Himself to you by anything other than His Word and His Spirit. You can't demand an explanation from Him. You have to take the plunge and discover whether you do in fact believe that He is good in addition to being sovereign.

God knows I'm waiting at the edge of the pool more often than I'd like to admit.

I leave for ND on Monday morning. Keep in touch, everyone.

Peace,
Sam

"There's no blood on my hands, I just do as I am told."

2006-06-15T23:13:00.000-05:00

(title from Wilco's Spiders)

The past week or so has been quite an experience. I have been doing a lot of soul-searching, having some really good conversations with my friends, family members, and pastor, and learning a lot about myself.

I am thinking about who I think I am, who I really am, how I got to be this way, and who I want to be. That covers a pretty hefty amount of territory, but it has been very helpful, very healing.

It's a time of reflection on manhood, fearlessness, courage, compassion, and wisdom, and how all those things relate to me or should relate to me. I'm piecing together my history as a human being through delving into my relationships with my family and figuring out what they really mean and how each of them have affected me - for good or for ill (something I don't know if I've ever really done).

I'm thinking a lot about fear. Fear of relationships, fear of vulnerability. Where does it come from? The fall of man, I believe. Apparently there's a book called The Silence of Adam by Larry Crabb that's supposed to be about this stuff and is supposed to be good. Anyone ever read it? I will check it out soon.

There is something deep inside of me - and I think all men - that calls me to be a William Wallace and tells me that I - and I think every Christian man - am called to courage and wisdom and compassion. Not only that, but this voice (none other than the Holy Spirit) whispers to me that I am such a man through the grace of God and the blood of Christ (for this man cannot ever really exist without regeneration).

We are called to "fight in the darkness" as Crabb puts it (so I hear). We are called to take risks. And I don't just mean risks like jumping out of airplanes for fun (which is still cool). I mean hard risks - risks with relationships (all together now - *shudder*).

This means not being afraid to face the garbage that is sin that we so often call prettier names, like "my personality" or "my past" (how often have I used those phrases to hide my manipulation, my passivity, or my fear!). Guess what? Your relationships and my relationships of any kind are all screwy. There's one thing I've learned when it comes to other human beings: if it's easy it isn't real, and if it's real it isn't easy. C.S. Lewis taught me, though, that it is far better to have a more accurate image of another human being than a more comfortable one.

And that's what manhood is all about. More accurately, that's one of the many things Christianity is about. It's about being able to face the most painful sin of all - the pain of relationships in a fallen world - and realize that neither of you (whether friends or lovers) have anything to offer each other except brokenness, except the continual need to face the Cross, except the hand-held in the grip of betrayal or heartbreak, except the tears that come from redemption.

Good night, my friends.

Sam

Tall ships made of snow invading the sun.

2006-06-11T15:29:00.000-05:00

That's a Destroyer lyric.

I'm back from surgery and such. Still a little swollen and bruised, but I'm fine. There was no drug-induced coma, unfortunately. The pain-killers were really not that strong, and they only used conscious sedation for the surgery. That was one of the most bizarre experiences of my life.

I did learn a valuable lesson: valium is not my friend. I had to take one before the surgery and I really didn't enjoy it. I don't really understand why people use it as a recreational drug.

So I don't have anything very profound for you. I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days, and maybe I will post some of those thoughts soon. At the moment I am going nuts trying to get ready to leave on the 19th. Lots of things to do and people to see.

I did, however, listen to Piper's biography of William Wilberforce the other day. It was excellent and inspiring. I leave you with this quote:

"No man has a right to be idle...Where is it that in such a world as this, [that] health, and leisure, and affluence may not find some ignorance to instruct, some wrong to redress, some want to supply, some misery to alleviate?" - William Wilberforce

I think I need to read his book: A Practical View of Christianity.

Peace,
Sam

The Revolution (The Most Important Post Thus Far)

2006-06-05T16:15:00.000-05:00

In light of tomorrow's surgery laying me up for a few days, I thought I'd go ahead and make a post about the project some friends and I are working on. Please chew on it and give me your thoughts. This is going to be really long, but I don't want to split it into two posts. However, if you read nothing else I write this summer, read this post. This subject is pretty central to my life now.

Okay, background...

Social Entrepreneurship left me feeling several things regarding Christians and service (service = social issues like fair trade, missions, mercy ministry, etc. in this context):

1. At UF/in gainesville, non-Christians are much more well-known for being supportive of social causes and actually getting things done. Examples: the huge Greek system's philanthropy, FAB, FACE, Students Making Trade Fair (which made some significant progress this year), etc. etc. It's very rare to hear anyone say, "Oh, RUF? Yeah didn't they hold that big event for the homeless?" Homeless Council (on friday nights) is actually getting some press these days, but that's almost it.
2. Christians have no idea what each other are doing in terms of service. Examples: What on earth does Crusade do for service? What about GCL? What about even my friends?

I think two factors contribute to the general unawareness described in the first two parts:

A. Hopefully Jesus' command to do good in secret.
B. Christians really aren't doing that much at UF.

Next part of background: people.

At UF I generally find three groups of Christians:

1. A small group of Christians who don't give a rip about helping others in any way (whose Christianity is debatable).
2. A medium sized group of Christians who are doing a lot but not many people know them. They are quite well known outside of the Christian community...they are the group of experts who are the bridge between the non-Christian and Christian service communities.
3. A large group of Christians who are dying to do something but have no idea how to get involved or what it means for a Christian to be involved.

So we've got the problems and the people. Now the proposed solution.

Generally speaking, Christians need to be better equipped to do service both personally and in community -- Christian and non-Christian community (equipped = information about social issues, contacts (the most important probably), ideas, opportunities, etc). Equipped also includes theology to support service, mercy ministry, etc.

Aside from certain elements of theology, I feel that networking is the single most important way to equip Christians. I learned this semester that if i need information about Women's Issues, I should talk to two girls I met in SE. If I am interested in Fair Trade, I need to talk to people from Students Making Trade Fair. Somehow, we need to get all three groups of Christians talking to each other and helping each other. The second group is composed mainly of experts on particular issues who could help the third group get involved by providing them with resources and contacts (both Christian and non-Christian). The third group in turn would help the first group get motivated.

The point is that Christians need to be connected to each other and non-Christians in order to really be able to do anything in Gainesville.

So, now what? Tangibly speaking, the idea we have is called Christian Service Network. CSN is an umbrella network and its first chapter will start at UF.

A main focus of it is a web site. The web site has two parts: a networking database and a serviceblog.

The database is where Christians can create profiles that include their social interests (e.g. Fair Trade, homelessness) and also connect with each other based on these interests (by browsing and searching the database keywords). This way someone from UF can log on and say, "Hey, is there anyone else on campus who might be interested in doing something for immigration rights?" They click on "Immigration" and boom! Ten people show up as listing "Immigration" as one of their interests. The person in question could then message them internally, email them, or (if they provide their numbers) call them.

The serviceblog is where a rep from RUF, FCA, etc. will log in and post service opportunities their group is doing - including who, what, where, who to contact, and whether any help is needed. Even if they don't need help, at least this way there will be a way of knowing who is doing what.

Hopefully we can get Christian groups to assign this simple task to an officer, say the VP (since the VP is usually in charge of service). It would take 2 minutes, times the 2 or 3 service projects a month, so less than 15 minutes a month probably from each group to contribute. If we had 10 groups posting, that would be 20 or 30 projects a month and connecting hundreds of people from each of those groups.

"Okay. what would be an example post -- the whole process?"

I'll use RUF since I know it.

There is a leadership meeting at the campus minister's house. Steve (the campus minister) asks the leadership team -- which includes officers and non-officers -- if they have ideas for service projects. Let's say someone says, "Hey, let's go help out Rebuild Gainesville (a group kind of like Habitat for Humanity). Steve says, "Good idea." It's then the Vice President's responsibility (this is my friend Emily this year) to set that up (VP = in charge of service for RUF). So then Emily would get it all set up with Rebuild Gainesvlle...let's say August 27, 2006 at 4 pm. 20 people are needed.

So once the details are set, Emily logs onto CSN using the RUF name and password to post on the serviceblog. She makes a post including when, where, how many people are needed, and who to contact (which would more than likely be her). It shows up on the service blog as a new post by RUF.

So there you have it. There are lots more details and there is lots to be done. Let me know what you all think and if you're interested in being a part of the revolution.

Peace,
Sam

Dani California

2006-06-05T16:13:00.000-05:00

I listened to RHCP's new album. It's pretty enjoyable.

This has been a fairly eventful few days. I've been running around like crazy trying to get things squared away for ND. It's pretty intense, but also very exciting.

I'm slowly making progress on learning French. The first part of learning anything is frustrating; I just want to know it all immediately and I forget that my brain doesn't function that way. Oh, well. I'm pretty confident that by the end of the summer I will have made some significant progress.

Friday was my sister's birthday, but she didn't return from a trip until late that night. So Saturday evening after she got off work we celebrated with a pretty nice meal at home and some great conversation (my parents have been out of town for a few days).

Sunday morning Chris came to visit, which was extremely exciting. He came to church with Sarah and me and then we all went to the Flats (yes, I know I'm addicted to burritos with sweet chili sauce). It was pretty awesome having two of my all-time greatest friends together. Later Chris and I worked for hours on our super secret Christian service revolution (more on that later, I promise). It was very exciting. We ended up at Starbucks for a bit with the guys and then after Chris headed back to Gainesville it was yet another round of Simpsons for the rest of us.

So as you may or may not know, tomorrow I'm getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm not very excited. I'll be out of commission for several days I imagine, so you probably won't hear from me.

Sorry I don't have anything terribly profound. This isn't a very interesting entry.

Although, these are probably the funniest videos I have seen in a while:

Crazy Marble Slab Kids
Crazy Marble Slab Kids Again

And no, that wasn't a direct result of a comment by a certain brown-haired girl who may or may not decorate cakes during the summer.

See you in a few days.

Peace,
Sam

I wish Lisa Simpson was 10 years older and real.

2006-06-02T12:41:00.001-05:00

In honor of Jeremy's birthday, I uploaded a draft of my version of These Days by Nico. You can check it out here:

Nico: These Days

Not sure how long that link will work. Disclaimers: I used the first take of the piano that I got in order to just get some ideas going, so there are lots of mistakes. I also don't have a condenser mic at home, so the audio quality is not very good. But you'll get the general idea of where I'm going with this.

Later I'll redo the piano and get it all cleaned up.

Let me know if you enjoy it.

Peace,
Sam

Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no one.

2006-06-01T00:04:00.000-05:00

A day that includes watching a good Al Pacino movie and meeting up with Keri for good conversation. A night that includes listening to Coldplay and the Chili Peppers on the way to Tijuana Flats (which means on the way to sweet chili sauce), Starbucks, and several episodes of the Simpsons with some of my best friends in Orlando (Tony, Jonathan, Alex). Topped off with lovely conversation and planning with Marie.

Can it get much better? Maybe it can, but I'm content.

Tomorrow is round three with the pastor. Here's hoping we get some stuff done in this wild soul of mine.

I leave you with another one of my favorite songs (this time by Jeff Buckley):

Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So I'll wait for you... and I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return?
Oh will I ever learn?

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe I'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And I'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage I've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well I'm waiting for you

Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late...

Peace,
Sam

Yes, I do like Damien Rice.

2006-05-30T23:08:00.000-05:00

Thank you Kathleen for giving me that CD. I really love this chorus:

"So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place that you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?"

Amazing.

I'm considering having entries on here that are basically like writing whatever comes to mind in lyrical/poetic form. It might be good to just have a place to vent those types of thoughts. Disclaimer: they might be complete and utter garbage due to their unedited, freestyled (wut up?) form. Whatever. Call it plogging. Or llogging (eh - that brings to mind llamas at computers).

For example, this came to my head yesterday along with a melody (which I guess you can't hear):

She is summer framed by soft brown hair
And her eyes ignite passion
Like the lives of saints
Or the deaths of sinners
Spark the revolutionary heart.
But can the death of a
Saint do the same
In the life of a sinner?

Something something blah blah blah.

Hope you're all doing well.

Peace,
Sam
P.S. What dreams lay sleeping in your heart?

These Days

2006-05-29T17:42:00.000-05:00

This is a song by Nico that my friend Jeremy sent me a while ago. It's another song with which I readily identify. I'm adapting it for piano; maybe one day you will hear my version of it (you know, since pianos are so readily available up at school).

"I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.

I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another highway.

I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another
These days, these days.
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing so long.

I've stopped my dreaming,
I don't do too much scheming
These days, these days.
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten.

Please don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them."

Peace,
Sam

Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father is in Me?

2006-05-27T22:04:00.000-05:00

I wish that the answer to that question were as easy as I would like it to be.

The following are lyrics by Wilco that precisely describe a recurring fear I have based on prior experiences:

"She appears in his dreams
But in his car and in his arms
A dream can mean anything
A cheap sunset on a television set can upset her
But he never could

Remember to remember me
Standing still in your past
Floating fast like a hummingbird"

Can anyone relate?

I learned how to play that song yesterday. It was exciting.

I spent a pretty decent amount of time interacting with Charlie today. As usual we had some thought-provoking conversation about things like Christian interaction with art, technology and music, and the way the internet has impacted social interaction. Part of that conversation was about blogging. We talked about how blogs are often a very one-sided view of a human being where that person is only posting when s/he is at emotional extremes or trying to entertain. I explained that part of my social experiment in having this blog is to be as honest as possible without crossing the line of being inappropriately personal. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. I'm never going to try to entertain, nor am I ever go to put up a front. I also plan on blogging regardless of my emotional state, so you don't have some wacky picture of me as this morbidly depressed middle-class white guy who is upset that he doesn't get all that he wants out of this life (shudder). I don't need a blog to be my therapist (that's why I have a piano...or God...that would probably be the correct answer).

And of course, if a person only uses blogs and profiles to know someone, something is already wrong.

Thought-provoking lyric of the moment: "...trusting things beyond mistake." - Sufjan Stevens, "Palisades"

What does that mean?

Peace,
Sam

From My Little Book

2006-05-25T23:27:00.000-05:00

I've recently taken to carrying around a memo book and a pen to write down things that come to mind. I was flipping through it and discovered this. I'd thought I'd share it (slightly edited):

4/26/06

There is a lighthouse that shines
In the echoes of three silver chimes.
There is a storm that gathers
Over the sidewalks of my clouded mind
And rain that drops in time and
Time and time again I cannot see
The forest that's inside of me
And the sunsets that are sleeping
In your eyes that blind my
Heart and hide my sighs.
There is a smile stretched so tight
Between the sheets of my soul tonight
That never lets me rest my head
That loses life, that kills the dead.
But when I see you, oh
When I see you sitting in the clouds
Past the snow and past the sounds
Of sweating secrets and suffering
Servants, I can't forget I've fallen down
Beneath the shadows of this land
Between the lines of each frail hand
That offers me a sign of love
Or asks me to ascend above
To that cool place of sweet surrender
Where no one needs to ask, defend or
Try to rip apart these scenes of sweetness.
Wreck the ship so far beyond this neatness
And tranquility...

I don't think I ever finished it.

Peace,
Sam