today i finished reading the perks of being a wallflower. melissa gave it to me. i wouldn't have thought that i would like it if you told me about it ahead of time, but for some reason i did. i really felt like i could relate to it. and it gave me a little insight into myself.
the thing is that my personality is very similar to charlie's, especially when i was in high school. quiet, introspective, insightful. but what strikes me is that charlie found outlets for what he felt through drugs or sex or drinking. of course, the point is that he just went along with everything, not really knowing whether he enjoyed those things or not. but still. it makes me think. i relate to charlie so well in feeling like there is something wrong with me, or in feeling like things are slipping away or spinning out of control. but i when was in high school, i suppressed most of those feelings and spun into my own imaginary world. fantasies of lsd, not lsd itself. and only a select few knew of my crippling depression until it started to seep out my senior year. but i can't help but wonder if part of the seriousness of my depression in high school was because i felt trapped. i felt like i had to bottle everything in. i wasn't allowed to go to parties or whatever. and girls didn't like me. unlike charlie, i didn't have girls ask me on dates. instead, i had to live vicariously through my friends' acid trips and their first forays into relationships and sex.
i don't know. i just think it's interesting. i just wonder how that has affected me.
peace,
sam
Sunday, March 25, 2007
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1 comment:
well, I still read this thing, thank you very much. i like the new color scheme, by the way. and LOVED checking out the website you emailed me. laughing by blankety blank off and sending it (the site, not the missing body part) to a few who'll appreciate the jokes.
good things to be reading, brother. good to hear your thoughts. praying for ya.-skj
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