"Shadows kept alive..."

Billy Corgan wrote a song when his mother died that I find extremely moving. I just think he pinpoints grief so well. Here are the lyrics:

whenever I run
whenever I run to you lost one
it's never done
just hanging on

the past has let me be
returning as if dream
shattered as belief

if you have to go don't say goodbye
if you have to go don't you cry
if you have to go I will get by
someday I'll follow you and see you on the other side

but for the grace of love
I'd will the meaning of
heaven from above

your picture out of time
left aching in my mind
shadows kept alive

if you have to go don't say goodbye
if you have to go don't you cry
if you have to go I will get by
I will follow you and see you on the other side

but for the grace of love
I'd will the meaning of
heaven from above

long horses we are born
creatures more than torn
mourning our way home

I especially like that last stanza. It often feels like all we're doing is "mourning our way home" in this life.

I've recently come to the conclusion that once you wrestle with the issue of God's sovereignty, you must be prepared to wrestle on a profound level with God's goodness. If God is the primary or secondary cause, the passive or active agent (however your particular spin on God's sovereignty would put it) of the pain in my life, how can I accept His goodness?

And that's where the risk comes in. God will not prove Himself to you by anything other than His Word and His Spirit. You can't demand an explanation from Him. You have to take the plunge and discover whether you do in fact believe that He is good in addition to being sovereign.

God knows I'm waiting at the edge of the pool more often than I'd like to admit.

I leave for ND on Monday morning. Keep in touch, everyone.

Peace,
Sam